Useless NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has released a statement, claiming that the blackout that crippled tonight's Super Bowl was Pre-planned.
"We did say that blackout rules apply," says the Commissioner, whose heavy-handed, inane Commissionering has led to such changes as no touchdown celebrations, rules against touching a quarterback, touching a kicker, touching a wide receiver in the end zone, ensuring that no people of color are ever, EVER hired as head coaches or general managers, instituting a new design of helmet that makes players look like the Great Gazoo from The Flintstones while not preventing a single fucking concussion, and ensuring that the season started with a labor strike ans replacement referees who cocked everything up.
"Further, the League did everything it could to reinstate power as quickly as possible," the statement continues. "I mean, the stands are filled with rich white people. It's not like the stadium was full of poor, disenfranchised hurricane victims, right?"