Boston-area parents sue Red Sox for child cruelty

Funny story written by Lyndon

Sunday, 2 October 2011

image for Boston-area parents sue Red Sox for child cruelty
Ten-year old Eric Birdsong hadn't left his room in four days

BOSTON, Mass.--World Championships of '04 and '07 be damned: scores of parents have filed a joint lawsuit against the Boston Red Sox for scarring yet another generation of fans.

The wheels fell off in the month of September, leading to a 7-19 record, a run that saw their nine-game lead in the Wild Card race erode. A loss on the final day of the season eliminated them from playoff play.

"A seven- or eight-year old doesn't even remember '07," said Danny Birdsong, 43, father of 8- and 10-year old boys. "For them, it's their first taste of exciting Red Sox baseball. But instead, they're kicked in the teeth for caring."

For Birdsong, it's personal and he doesn't mind saying so. A mere 10 years old in 1978, the Red Sox held in mid-August a 14-game lead in the AL East.

"They pissed that away, too, the bastards."

On the last day of the season, the Red Sox tied the much-hated New York Yankees for first place, thereby forcing a one-game playoff. The Yankees won, and Birdsong shed his first or many tears due to poor play by the Red Sox.

"They ripped my heart out," Birdsong siad, "chopped it into tiny pieces, and served it back to me to eat."

Parents report much more fussiness and all-around sadness in the past week since the Sox' historic demise.

"It's a quiet suffering," said homemaker and mother of three, Christina Nuñez. "It's cruel and unusual punishment, and nothing can remedy this except for a World Series win.

"If they feel they can't produce this next year, then they'll be coughing up some serious dough."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more