Written by Deafo

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has urged owner Roman Abramovich to back his blueprint for the long-term future of the club by insisting all matches played at Stamford Bridge be completely free of home fans.

The Portuguese feels a lack of support from the playing staff should be directly mirrored with an escalation of his ambition to shore the club of the last remaining remnants of its fan-base that hadn't already changed allegiance to Manchester City.

Speaking from Naples Airport he told reporters, 'I am as committed as ever to contributing to the fantastic legacy of frantic and repeated payout calculations that have become a feature of this club, year in year out.'

'So why not stop all the bothersome complaining after each and every disastrous performance by keeping out all of the paying punters who make this job so difficult.'

'Of course it doesn't help when Roman takes a punt on a throwback to the glory years with a Portuguese imposter.'

'Mind you he spent £50 million on a Spanish imposter, so now he has the full Iberian set.'

He added, on his haunches in the airport car park, "It is just as well he wasn't in charge of recruiting the teams drilling oil in Russia or my payout would have been far less than it will be, that is for sure.'

Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck refused to be drawn on reports suggesting Ambramovich had given in to player power by instead deciding to do away with the role of manager completely.


'He is going to get Gus Hiddink oversee team matter over Skype.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
49 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more