Fred the Shred Offers to Buy Rangers

Funny story written by Menominee

Monday, 20 February 2012

Irresponsible Scots financier Fred Goodwin has lodged a bid with the club's administrators to buy Rangers.

Fred, formerly Sir Fred, said in his shed that he had the funds to rescue the popular Unionist outfit from their current malaise. "I have - before tax - almost a hundred pounds," said (Sir) Fred, "And I'm prepared to put most of that at the disposal of this vital Glaswegian institution."

On behalf of the club's administrators Crookid and Bentt a spokesman said, "We appreciate all approaches from fiscally opportunistic parties and we'll consider them in due course. Unfortunately, just at the moment, we're concentrating on stripping the lead from the Ibrox roof."

Fred expressed discontent at the delay. "I'm a busy man," said Fred. "I have fingers in many scotch pies and my hundred pounds can only stretch so far. I'd like the administrators to come down from the roof and address my concerns."

Celtic owner Sir Desmond Desmond expressed nothing but glee but Prime Minister David Cameron, on a recent visit to Scotland, said he should be careful what he (Sir Desmond) wishes for.

The Oxford Dictionary of Over-Familiar Phrases said that being careful for what one wishes for had recently become glib and nonsensical.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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