FIFA want to introduce politically correct chants

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

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The Manchester Untied Choir

Keen to show he is as Politically Correct as the head of any other organisation, FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, has asked that supporters associations for football clubs across the UK to adopt politically correct chants.

"We wish to cut out the swearing," said Blatter. "We also wish to cut out the belittling of opposition fans. And questioning their parenting."

With the threats of sanctions against some of the larger football teams from the governing body, the associations have grudgingly agreed to pass out the inoffensive song sheets, which includes the instructions for being inoffensive in songs specific to the club.

"I particularly like the replacement for going home in an ambulance: 'You're going home in my car when I give you a lift'," said Chester Settee the spokesman of Manchester United's association, United Manchester. "It doesn't scan but perhaps it does in German."

Other chants that FIFA have asked fans to sing include: "Who's the fair minded person in the black", "Run down ground, insufficient fans" and "You must have come in a reasonable comfortable coach".

"We'll hand out the song sheets at the next home match," said Settee. "That's what FIFA have told us to do. We can't make people sing the songs though."

Manchester United have songs specifically for Carlos Tevez that taxed even the song rewriters at FIFA.

"They've basically come up with 'When I grow up I asked my mother what I should be, she said I strongly suggest becoming a doctor or a lawyer'," said Settee. "I mean, come on."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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