Want To Get Away With Beating A Family Member? Make Sure It's Your Child.

Sure, everyone knows that there's no better way to blow off steam after a hard day at the job than bashing your wife's head in with a meat tenderizing mallet. But coming home and donkey-punching the Mrs. is just going to land you in front of the same Judge who yanked your license last year. Now, New Jersey has solved the problem for everyone:

Beat the sh-t out of your kid!!

In New Jersey, like in all other states, the moment that the cops respond to your nosy neighbor's 911 call, and see that the old lady's nagging has turned Mr. Hand into Mr. Fist, you're getting Mirandized and fitted for locking bracelets.

There is a loophole, as it were, allowing you to imprint a family member's skull with the scuffs on your boots:

"Mandatory Arrest. A police officer must arrest and take into custody a domestic violence suspect and must sign the criminal complaint against that person if the victim exhibits signs of injury caused by an act of domestic violence."

AND

The victim is; 18 years of age or older, or who is an emancipated minor, or if the victim, regardless of age, has been subjected to domestic violence by a person with whom the victim has a child in common, or with whom the victim anticipates having a child in common, if one of the parties is pregnant, or who, regardless of age, has been subjected to domestic violence by a person with whom the victim has had a dating relationship.

So... ya can't spank the wife, or baby-mama, or your girlfriend. But, if the victim is under 18 and related to you?

Whale away!

"Yeah, it's f--ked up," says child advocate Anthony Rosania,
who, as a victim of child abuse, was removed from his home 3 times as a kid. "A poodle has more rights and protection against domestic abuse than a child. It's sick."

Thus, next time you're really pissed, don't smack Mama or granny. Bash your son or daughter's head in! It's good for them, and fun for you!