It has just been announced that the new Iceland Formula One Grand Prix, scheduled for 2012, will be sponsored by mobility scooter manufacturer, Nippy Zippy Mobility Scooter Company. (NZMSC)
F1 executives, including the capo di tutti capi, Eccles Bernistone have long been drooling over the prospect of an Icelandic GP circuit which would have the cream of the F1 world whizzing around a circuit dodging volcanoes, hot geysers, lava flows, polar bears, and probably a few stray Canadian seal hunters, carrying those pick-axe type things which they use to stove the baby seals' skulls in, before digging the sharp end into the dying animal's brain cavity and dragging it across the ice. At which point, the carcass is slung onto the back of a battered and gore splashed pickup truck and hauled away to be skinned. Probably while it's still alive.
Eccles Bernistone was quick to play down the fears of a Canadian seal hunter inspired bloodbath, saying that in his opinion, such an event would be highly unlikely.
Although he did appear to be keen on the prospect of the likes of Sebastian Vettel and company driving at speed past erupting volcanoes, spouting geysers of nearly boiling water, dodging streams of lava flow, and swerving to avoid hungry, aggressive polar bears.
NZMSC are delighted to have been invited on board as official sponsors of what promises to be a spectacular event (especially if the seal hunters show up) as they are widely regarded as being the engineers of the nippiest, zippiest mobility scooters in the world.
Managing director of NZMSC, Gordon Eagles, announced:
"We're proud to have been selected to be associated with this event. And in our humble opinion, our company deserves to be right up there alongside the big players. Our mobility scooters are the most perfectly engineered piece of mobility equipment that you will ever see. Bar none. In fact, I've heard a rumour that Clarkson himself, and the Stig, and that other one - you know the one I mean...the snide little man who had that big crash....Richard Hammond! - intend to purchase a Nippy Zippy Mobility Scooter when they get old and their legs are too fucked to carry them up the off license."
Eccles Bernistone added:
"We're pleased to have NZMSC on board, and we are secure in the knowledge that ours will be a perfectly symbiotic relationship. We were finally swayed to involve NZMSC as Icelandic Grand Prix sponsors, when Nigel Mansell told us that the initials made them sound like a really shit early 90's gangsta rap outfit. That sorted it."
More as we get it.
