Schumacher's 200-Mile Wrong Way F1 Drive at Monza GP

Funny story written by pinxit

Monday, 12 September 2011

image for Schumacher's 200-Mile Wrong Way F1 Drive at Monza GP
'Red Mist' : Onboard footage from Schumacher's car.

The actions of a father of two who drove 200 miles the wrong way along a Monza race-track while five times over the drunk-with-power limit has been 'ignored' by race stewards.

Michael Schumacher, 42, of Gland, Switzerland, performed a U-turn and drove down the one lane of the Italian circuit the wrong way. His journey - in which he dodged oncoming vehicles at a combined speed of over 430mph before coming to a halt in the pits after his 200 mile journey - was captured by traffic cameras and the world media's live coverage of the event.

It transpired that a friend of Schumacher, Ross Werner von Braun, had repeatedly texted the errant motorist politely pointing out that he was traveling in the wrong direction. Mr Schumacher said he ignored reading these texts 'on the grounds of safety'.

The F1 Steward's court heard the former racing driver was 'drunk with power' owing to his seven world championships and unassailable belief that he has a 'divine right' to do whatever he liked on F1 tracks.

Chief Steward Charlie Whiting remarked that it was "unbelievably fortunate" no one had been killed or injured by Schumacher as he drove at 220mph the wrong way after 1pm on September 11th. The court heard he got on to the track and briefly headed the right way before stunning other drivers by turning round and driving counter-clockwise.

He was found by stewards in the Mecedes pits, where he was struggling to restart the engine 'for a Lap of Honour' in front of the wild Tifosi fans.

Whiting told a smirking Schumacher, "You drove for something in excess of 200 miles on the wrong side of the road, causing terror in F1 drivers lawfully using the road to travel in the right direction."

"You risked causing massive loss of life and huge destruction of property. You suffer from a severe illness. It is clear that the combination of your hubris and wealth beyond my wildest dreams created an extremely dangerous position, culminating in this 'racing incident'."

"I would be failing in my duty if I did not reflect the seriousness of what you did by completely ignoring it and awarding you championship points for finishing in fifth place."

The main victim of Schumacher's antics, Mr L. Hamilton, refused to be drawn - simply commenting that the lack of punishment for the errant German may have been down to him 'being white'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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