There were 56 spoof news snippets published in July 2022. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Right Wing Goal: No Abortions Except For Young, Rich, Republicans
An Ultraconservative spokesman, talked of Abortion. “When we take Over - of course there will still be Abortions - but just for us, and ours. Corporations will pay for Abortions - no problem; fly to Canada.”
written by UncleDale, 01 July 2022
Huge Sales of Condoms And Oral Sex Manuals Due to Court Ruling
Makers of Condoms and Oral Sex Manuals are elated at huge recent online sales of their products. We are on a roll,and the teen market looks huge. We might even put Oral Sex instructions on Condoms.
written by UncleDale, 01 July 2022
Come To Yellowstone National Park and Pet The Bison
They are big, but adorable - and will just stand there while you walk up and pat them. Don't try to move them for a better photo as they get a little testy. Ignore the sign about people being injured.
written by UncleDale, 01 July 2022
Can Biden Stop Those Female Shaking Ass Online Google Ads?
All I see are aggressive Female ads online. Biden-Stop these Shaking Assess to sell swimsuits, etc. I can't concentrate on Responsibly reading my Political Articles, so as to be a Good Citizen.
written by UncleDale, 01 July 2022
Being Gay Is A Gift from God, Says Pope
Now that the Pope has discovered he has a Gay Cousin, his tune has changed. All he cares about now is that they get married, settle down and have kids. He's relieved - they won't get girls pregnant.
written by UncleDale, 02 July 2022
Earth's Warming Due To Hot Air From DC, London, Paris, etc.
Scientists find a large part Global Warming is hot air from the Earth's capitol cities. Politicians are a big part of Warming, one said. And it will get worse. Boris and Trump are heavy emitters.
written by UncleDale, 03 July 2022
America's July 4th is 'Traitors Day' in England.
That is the when rich, greedy American 'Patriots' rebelled from the benign rule of England, and wanted all America's Goodies for themselves. A day of Infamy. We fly the American flag upside down.
written by UncleDale, 04 July 2022
Police Shoot Fleeing Suspect 60 times, After Traffic Stop
Recently in Akron Ohio, a black man was stopped for traffic violations. He fled from his car, unarmed, was shot about 60 times by 8 officers. "We feared for our safety", one said.
written by UncleDale, 04 July 2022
Pizza Guy Shot - Not Enough Pepperoni On Pizza
The 17 years Old, who got his gun on Facebook - said, I'm protected by the Supreme Court and the Second Amendment. Plus, I feared for my life - he was going to throw a Hot Piece at Me - so I get acquittal.
written by UncleDale, 04 July 2022
America Descends Into Madness
Over in Russia, Putin laughs about it. In Iran they chuckle over coffee. The Chinese rulers in their mansions smile over a beer. The North Koran ruler crack a joke with his sister about it.
written by UncleDale, 05 July 2022
You Can't Have A Democracy Without Two Sane Political Parties
But You can have a Great Marx Brothers Movie - Type Government, if you have one sane Party and one Conservative Nutsy Party. Or maybe it turns into a Three Stooges Government, if it gets really good.
written by UncleDale, 05 July 2022
Supreme Court Rules Only States Can Fight Global Warming
Only States have Rights in the Constitution, said Judge Roberts. We'll have to get rid of Federal Taxes, Federal Social Security, The Army - (States only need a State Militia). The list goes on and on.
written by UncleDale, 06 July 2022
Eiffel Tower Badly Needs Repairs - Bill Gates Offers To Fix
It was revealed recently that the Eiffel Tower is so old - it badly needs repairs. Bill Gates will spend half a Billion fixing it, if he says - he can put a large Letter 'M' for Marveilluse on its Top.
written by UncleDale, 06 July 2022
Supreme Court Gave Us a New Holiday - Gun Shooting Day (July 4)
Thanks to the Supreme Court's Wild Misinterpretation of the Second Amendment, we go further into Gun Madness.
Thanks, Supreme Court!
written by UncleDale, 06 July 2022
20 Million Guns In America - Why so Much Gun Violence?
There are more Gun shops than Starbucks. Getting a Gun is easier than getting a Driver’s license. It is a super profitable business.
If all Blacks wanted Guns - there would be lots of Gun laws.
written by UncleDale, 07 July 2022
Elon Musk Is A Horny Daddy
Elon has 9 kids. Last year he had twins with one of his Staff Women.
He still wants to buy Greenland, as he noticed Trump wanted to buy Greenland.
'Need a place for the Kids to live', He said.
written by UncleDale, 07 July 2022
What Happens When All The Alpine Glaciers In Europe Evaporate?
There will be all these Holistic Health centers - horrible Vegetarian drinks. Big Nudist Resorts - 'Take it off, on the Matterhorn'.
International Rolling Down Hill Competitions - Life will go on.
written by UncleDale, 07 July 2022
The UN Does Nothing About Russia Invading And Destroying Democratic Ukraine
They are way too busy being Corrupt, and getting Rich with UN Dues money. Lock em up-Close em Down.
written by UncleDale, 10 July 2022
Uber Tried Its Scam in Russia - Answer Was "Nyet"
In Moscow, we interviewed a blond Russian soldier about Uber.
He said, "If it looks like Taxi, smells like Taxi - it is Taxi. Can't fool us with Capitalist plot to avoid paying Workers."
written by UncleDale, 11 July 2022
Biden's Secret Service Guys - By Bicycling - Have All Lost their Guts
Biden bicycles for Health - and all his Secret Service Detail have lost their bellies. "With Trump and Big Macs and donuts - and Limos, we all got fat, one said. We can't even keep up with Biden, at times."
written by UncleDale, 11 July 2022
Trump Delayed In Stopping Jan. 6 Capitol Riots - By Big Macs
We now know Trump meant to stop the Capitol Riots much earlier - but was delayed while waiting for his Big Mac order.
The Food was delayed by rioters. "My Kingdom for a big Mac," he was heard to mutter.
written by UncleDale, 11 July 2022
Gov. Abbott - Power Grid Failing Due to Heat - And Trannie Kids
I have been so busy fighting Trannie Kids and Liberals - I forgot the Power Grid. Winter and Summer it's Broken.
But remember keep Us in power - The Democrats would make a real Mess of Things.
written by UncleDale, 11 July 2022
Skimpy Bikinis Made of Condoms Are Popular This Year
Emergency Contraception is there at hand.
These are bottoms, with Round condom Pasties for a Top.
Condom bedecked shoes and belts are color coordinated.
Be the Miss Condom of your beach.
written by UncleDale, 11 July 2022
In America Quickest Way To get Arrested - Show Your Boob At The Beach
The worst Crime possible - high Priority - Arrested in Minutes.
Some child might see a breast - have a panic attack - scarred for Life.
Cell phone stolen, or burglary - you are lucky if they show up.
written by UncleDale, 11 July 2022
The UN Is Letting Russia Totally Destroy Ukraine
Good thing they are not in charge of fighting Forest Fires. The whole Planet would be burnt to a crisp.
written by UncleDale, 12 July 2022
Guys Want To Be Breastfed Too
Muscular Joe-the-Jock was interviewed. "I was never breast fed as a baby. I've always felt that loss. Maybe some women with excess milk can start a business. 'Merry Breasts'? Always been curious.”
written by UncleDale, 12 July 2022
Can Old Fart Trump Beat Old Fart Biden in 2024?
Maybe they should flip a coin?
Or Do that Wife Carrying Event.
I bet Biden can out carry Trump - and win the Presidency.
written by UncleDale, 12 July 2022
In Florida - No Teaching About Gays Or Slaves - They Didn't Exist
Dictator De Santis - (called Governor De Santis) - wants no teaching about Gays or Slavery in Florida. The Civil War had nothing to do with Slavery.
Teaching about a White Adam and Eve is OK.
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
A 'Woman's Only' Uber Is Starting Up - Stormy's Taxi Services
They will be black vans - heavily tinted windows. Drives are young and pretty. It's 60 dollars for any 30 minute stop. The seats recline.
Young guys are flocking to the new service.
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
Sudan-Woman To Be Stoned For Adultery
The man she had Adultery with? A slap on the wrist, a small fine, and told not to do it again.
In 'Family Values' America, known Adulterers get elected President.
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
Scientists Just Discover Florida Fruit Fly Is An Aphrodisiac
The scientists went back into the Field to find more insects for Research, but as Spring Break had recently occurred, there were no Fruit Flies to be found anywhere, and are totally eradicated.
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
Jeff Bezos Has Sweatshop Amazon Warehouses All Over America
The Guy's a multi-billionaire - (pay no taxes) - but can't give the workers a decent wage and a safe workplace. He wants to go to the Moon.
The Workers are hoping he goes and gets stuck there.
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
Elon Musk Recommends Big Families-With Wife- Mistresses
Elon is a big fan of big families. "Have lots of kids with your wife," he said. “Not mentioning Cost.”
“And don't forget your Mistresses. I currently have Twins with my Latest - they are really cute."
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
Statue on Parliament Building - India Might Be Converting To Buddhism
India has a new Parliament building with a huge state of Emperor Ashoka's Lions on Top. Ashoka was a Buddhist Emperor.
Modhi - who looks a little like Santa Claus - might be converting, as Ashoka did.
written by UncleDale, 13 July 2022
The U.S. Border Gestapo - Welcome to America.
Two people from Australia, transiting through America to Canada for jobs - with valid papers - get searched and then thrown out of the country. And there is no one to appeal to.
Happens all the time.
written by UncleDale, 14 July 2022
Jill Biden Thanks Latinos for Black Beans...
"Black Beans have made such a difference in my life,” she said.
“And it is all because of you Latinos. You have really liberated my cooking. Thank you.
“And thanks Guys for all the great Lawn Work.”
written by UncleDale, 14 July 2022
Two Latino Men Arrested For Cockfighting
In Texas - two men - arrested for Cockfighting. It was a family affair, and the women urged the Men on.
The one with the smaller cock was more aggressive and face whipped the other into submission.
written by UncleDale, 14 July 2022
Dog Lovers Give No Money For the Homeless - Expert Says
"Dog lovers spends thousands on dog toys, leashes, Vet visits - but give no money to local homeless shelters,” an expert said. “We are thinking of putting the homeless in Dog costumes to raise money."
written by UncleDale, 15 July 2022
Democrats Ask - Where Are All The Idiots Who Said No Climate Change?
Dems have searched high and low for Republican Climate Deniers. Most have moved on to other political Scams to make Money - or get Elected. Getting gay teachers out of the classroom will be Hot.
written by UncleDale, 15 July 2022
Biden Lectures Saudi Prince Salmen- Get's It Back Double
President Biden told Salmen of the Kashoggi Murder that he approved - and got reminded of the many Leaders - US presidents had assassinated.
"What a memory that guy Has,” said Biden, “knew every detail."
written by UncleDale, 16 July 2022
The 'Presdient Trump Made Me Do It' Defense Not Working For Rioters
People who joined the professional rioters (Proud Boys, etc.), and helped Trash the Capitol are crying over going to jail and getting 2-3-4 year jail sentences. Most assaulted police.
written by UncleDale, 16 July 2022
Bidens' Dilemma - Be Pals With Mideast Dictators Or China/Russia Dictators
Biden can't decide who to Date. Be cosy with Middle Eastern Dictators - for Oil. Or stick with the China Dictatorship - where all our Goods are made. Helping Freedom everywhere - is no longer American.
written by UncleDale, 16 July 2022
In American Politics - Godzilla Married Heidi
Ted Cruz, that Godzilla destroyer of American Democracy - and all-around Trump Bad Boy - in 2011, Married Heidi Suzanne Cruz, a Businesswoman. They love Cancun, Mexico, and visit during every Disaster.
written by UncleDale, 18 July 2022
The Viruses Are Coming! The Viruses Are Coming!
Air travel is spreading tropical Viruses all over the world. Experts say it's best to live in a rural area or small town. Watch Old Beverly Hillbilly, or Dukes of Hazard shows for survival clues.
written by UncleDale, 18 July 2022
Woman Falls into Florida Gator Infested Pond - Cause Of Death Not Determined
A 80 year old woman in Sarasota, Florida fell into a gator infested pond at a golf course, and is dead, with two gators nearby.
County officials say the cause of death hasn't been determined yet.
written by UncleDale, 18 July 2022
England Will Now Start Using Unbrellas As Sunshades
Many in tropical countries have sunshade umbrellas. And England will soon be a tropical country, unless they get rid of all the Gas Guzzling cars, trucks and busses, boats, planes.
Hello Electric!
written by UncleDale, 19 July 2022
Coffee Drinkers Will Live Longer - Unless In Mass Shootings
The Annals of Inner Medicine reports that daily Coffee drinkers, (2 - 3 cups a day), live Longer than Anybody else - unless they run into a mass shooting incident. So keep drinking that Coffee!
written by UncleDale, 19 July 2022
Big Fight In Israel - Smartphoines Are Not Kosher
Rabbis have their own 'Holy' network and fight local shops selling cell phones. - send students in damage shops - really Holy behavior.
In Israel, Smartphones lure people into Sin. Isn't that terrible?
written by UncleDale, 19 July 2022
New Ultimate Sports Bra For Women Athletes - Boob Boxes
Basically it's two square boxes,with padded cone shaped interiors and straps.
I can fall flat on my face, one woman athlete said, and my breasts will have no damage. Looks like I have huge boobs!
written by UncleDale, 21 July 2022
India Is Electing A Female President - Wants To Annex England
India is electing a female President, Mrs Mamu - a ceremonial post. "We're thinking of financially taking over England, she said - and making it part of India financially. "
Return the favor, so to speak.
written by UncleDale, 21 July 2022
Trump, Like Nero Fiddled With His Food - While the Capitol Got Trashed
Trump refused to ask. the FBI or the Military to go in.
He said to Aides - he had always like Reality TV - and leave him alone. Finally, after a couple hours Vice president Pence called in the Military.
written by UncleDale, 22 July 2022
Russia Does Airstrikes Also - Still On Syrian Villages
They are the best little 'Airstrikers' in the world.
Some group bothering a dictator? Russia will come and Airstrike the villages and destroy it all - as in Syria.
The UN doesn't seem to care.
written by UncleDale, 22 July 2022
Jan 6th Trial - Trump Guilty Of Being Ditzy Blonde - Lethargy Due to Big Macs
The Jan. 6th Committee finds Trump guilty of Dizzy Thinking, (poss. due to Hair Dye), Selfishness, and extreme Lethargy leading to Incapacitation due to multiple Big Macs. Dereliction of Duty - By Food.
written by UncleDale, 22 July 2022
Do You Want a 'Truss' Running England?
What kind of Image is that for Britannia?
written by UncleDale, 26 July 2022
The Stupid Europan Union And Germany Put All Their Eggs In A Russian Basket
Greedy Germany, saved money, and sucked up all the Russian oil and Gas it could get - forgetting Russia is an unstable bloody dictatorship.
America warned them. Now we sell lots of natural gas.
written by UncleDale, 26 July 2022
The Pope is Going to Retire - Without Asking God
The pope is going to retire,as he has to use a cane sometimes. He isn't waiting for a word or notice from God. He is just going to do it. Isn't at a little strange? Quite Godless.
written by UncleDale, 30 July 2022
