Spoof news snippets from Friday 6 April 2012

Oldest clown keeps the smiles coming

Floyd "Creeky" Creekmore is one of the quieter acts in the circus, his larger-than-life clown shoes shuffling methodically, igniting giggles and slack-jawed wonder from children!

He's 95 this week!

Chinese Teenager Sells Kidney To Buy iPad

Xinhua news agency said the 17-year-old boy's kidney was removed last year.
The surgeon who paid about £22,000 who performed the operation was arrested.

"Silly boy!"

Pilot turns back after snake pops out of dashboard

An Australian pilot said he was forced to make a landing reminiscent of a Hollywood thriller!
It slithered across his leg during a solo cargo flight.

"Similar thing happened in 1968 to a BOAC pilot!"

Stethoscope-wielding Doc to teenager diagnosed with bad chest:

"Big breaths, now".

"Yeth, Doctor, and I'm only thickthteen."

Tulisa employs bodyguard to vet boyfriends.

After the stable door has bolted?

'Hunger Games' town up for sale - For £ 880,000

The 72 acre site in North Carolina used for filming the 'District 12 scenes' in the hit film is up for sale.

Or you can buy a knock off copy of the village down the market for a fiver this sunday.

Possibility of a New Pearl Harbour

Fears are growing in the US that Japan will start A New Pearl Harbour in retaliation for this morning's sinking of the tsunami "ghost ship" by live cannon fire from the US Coast Guard.

Water Companies to Fine Hosepipe Users

Water companies in the South of England will fine people who are caught using hosepipes. This is to offset their own fines for wasting millions of gallons of water in their "Victorian" supply networks

Crime statistic report stolen from Mp's home.

A report into burglerys commited in the Uk has been stolen from a Mp's home. The paper which had taken two years to compile is the only known copy and police are eager to trace its where abouts.

Fax that!

The last two businessmen in the UK who own fax machines have announced they will no longer be sending each faxes after discovering they live in the same street.

Robbie + Serena Williams announce pregnancy joy!

They're going to have a mini-me called Serobbie!
No word yet on whether the baby will be a tennis player or pop star...

Barcelona 3 AC Milan 1

Lionel Messi is expected to be dropped for the Champions League semi-final against Chelsea after a dramatic loss of form saw him score only two goals - and they were both from the penalty spot!

Boston Red Sox to change kit color in sponsor deal

The Red Sox will now wear green socks sponsored by Nike.

Womens volleyball teams at Olympics 'don't have to wear bikinis

is it too late to change my women's volleyball tickets to the Mens 100metre final?

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 12

So Farewell, Prof Ferdinand Alexander Porsche.

I understand your cars are popular with a certain section of the market. If I had the money, I have to admit I'm a Maserati man myself, but well done to you, anyway.

So Farewell, Jim Marshall

I have one of your amps. Only a little one. But I am not worthy. Sorry.

Stafford Hospital needle error warning to staff

Bosses warned disciplinary action will be taken against staff who allow patients to leave with needles in their arms after several incidents last year.

"Should think so too - expensive needles are!"

Man jailed over managing brothels!

He was running brothels in Cambridgeshire, Berkshire and Surrey.

David Hemming, 53, of Hemel Hempstead, was jailed for 40 months at a hearing at Reading Crown Court.

"Well someone's got to do it?"

HMS Dauntless sets sail for the Falklands!

President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner said: "It is an injustice that there are still colonial enclaves. The Malvina's should be ours!"

"Double Dutch there methinks?"

Hosepipe ban puts lives at risk says fireman.

Fireman say lives are being put at risk after hosepipe bans are being introduced across the Uk. Fireman who rely on hosepipes must now try and stamp out fires with there feet.

Wiltshire death crash bus driver's sentence cut

Adrian Shearing, ran over a six-year-old boy, he accidentally pressed the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, killing Finlay Connor.

"I know what should be cut!"

Parents 1 Food Police 0

A San Francisco judge dismissed a class-action lawsuit by The Center for Science in the Public Interest that sought to stop McDonald's from using toys to market its meals to children in California.

Election 2012 Politics

President Obama and Republican presidential candidate Romney are courting the nation's women. Do Michelle Obama and Ann Romney know about this?

Modern Technological Marvel

New cars have individual front seat heaters. Now the driver can have a real "hot piece of ass" in the passenger seat!

AJ Holder should be Held in Contempt

AJ Holder's letter to Judge Smith of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals defending Pres. Obama's erroneous statements about judicial review consists of stuff the WH dog Bo leaves on the east lawn!

Going Green with US Taxpayers Greenbacks

President Obama squandered $535 million on defunct Solyndra. He was going to give Solar Trust a federal loan guarantee of $2.1 billion, but they went bankrupt!

Got it Right this Time

VP Biden was overheard opining that everything in the USA that the Democratic liberal far left Obama administration touches turns to sh*t!

Taxpayers Beware

General Services Administration (GSA) squeezes nickels and dimes from contractors when purchasing equipment. Now we know GSA spends all those nickels and dimes lavishly in Las Vegas NV!

Ahoy Mate

Obama administration backs the Littoral Combat Ship (LCS) based on President Obama's vast experience sailing on the Chicago River!

Obama Must be Steamed

North Korean submarines sail, South Korea gives its ships OK to fire. If not for the current situation of a pending rocket launch, it might be Kim Jong Un just sending out for more champagne & caviar!

Fish Bounty

Maryland has put a gift card ($200) bounty on the fish from hell, the Snakehead. Many Marylanders' believe the bounty should also apply to the state's Democratic "tax and spend" politicians!

Cleanup Responsible for Hurricanes

A study indicates cleaning up pollutants in the oceans fueled hurricanes by allowing sea water to warm up. Study recommends throwing all environmentalists into the oceans to restore pollutant levels!

Nobody's Listening

Kofi Annan former UN Secretary-General said all Syrian violence must end by April 12, May 1, June 15...................!

Georgia on my Mind

A WH spokesman said President Obama believes women should be admitted as members to the all-male Augusta National Golf Club. An ANGC spokeswoman asked why isn't the president running the country?

New Restaurant Opens in San Francisco CA

There is no menu at the Pelosi Café. Whatever entree is served by the waiter has to be eaten by the diner in order to find out what's in it!

Obama Threatens Supreme Court over ObamaCare

Oops there goes former Democratic President Obama's chance of a nomination to the Supreme Court by Republican President Romney!

Emperors and Kings

Caesar of Rome is to the mob as King Obama I is to the Democratic far left government "gimmie" everything crowd!