Car thief who crashed was eating, and texting!
Police say a Chevy pick-up truck previously stolen in nearby Richland ran into a ditch and drove through some logs and lawns before hitting a house.
"Hope he was jailed for a long time!"
Public warned against nasty territorial swan in Northamptonshire!
Boaters and kayakers are being warned to steer clear of a territorial swan along a stretch of the Grand Union Canal in Northamptonshire!
"No warnings for the nasty PM in Westminster yet then?"
Job losses as Derby food manufacturer restructures business!
Perween Warsi CBE, founded S&A Foods as a young mother in the 1980s, naming it after her sons Sadiq and Abid.
"Job losses?... In England?... Never, well I'll be blowed!"
Bomb squad recovers V2 rocket remnants from Harwich mud!
Bomb disposal teams have recovered a section of a German V2 rocket from World War II buried in the mudflats at Harwich Harbour.
"Bet Hitler's laughing in his grave!"
Ipswich Town renames stand after Sir Alf Ramsey
Grand idea too!
"Perhaps they could consider renaming their rubbish dumps after Sven-Goran Erikson, Steve McClaren, Fabio Capello too?
George Galloway's Secret to his winning ways!
Cigars, and his new (2010) bride Putri Gayatri Pertiwi, 27, who is two years younger than Mr Galloway's first child, Lucy, and 30 years younger than the MP himself.
Millions fall for Met Office April Fool joke
The Met Office fooled millions of viewers of the weather report on April First by predicting widespread snow across England and Scotland. "People are so gullible," said Michael Fish.
written by IainB, 03 April 2012
Mitt is stiff
Anne Romney says "just wait until we unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out, you'll see he is not". Michele replied, "stop complaining you lucky girl. My Barry is so not-stiff its ridiculous."
written by waterman, 03 April 2012
RAC emergency man nicks tyres!
A UK RAC emergency man offered desperate motorists a superb free service whilst they were not looking; he exchanged their Good-year tyres for his bald Michelin ones, what a deal!
written by Jaggedone, 03 April 2012
Sugar 'is the same as poison' claims leading doctor
Just off to make the missus a cuppa.
Arsonists did dirty work 1 million years ago: scientists
Scientists in South Africa determined that Homo erectus was a mad arsonist, 300,000 years before previous estimates. They used fire for cooking and heat, too, but they also enjoyed burning shit up.
written by Lyndon, 03 April 2012
Liverpool in crisis after 6 defeats in 7 league games.
The Anfield Cat is on standby by to replace Kenny Dalglish as caretaker if needed.
Kenny Dalglish will not quit - says Mark Lawrenson
Shares in the local golf club just dropped 10%
US obesity 'higher than thought'
It's off the scales.
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 9
"Straight A Grades"
written by IN SEINE, 03 April 2012
QPR promise to ban fan who threw coin at assistant ref
"The fan has broken club rules. Everybody knows all spare change must be spent in the club shop or at the burger bar" said the club Commercial manager this morning.
Fuel strike: Government advice to drivers changed after panic buying!
Wednesday, David Cameron told motorists to "top up" their tanks in case of a strike!
A lady, who suffered severe burns decanting petrol at home, is critically ill in hospital!
"No win No Fee?"
Jersey minimum wage rises £6.48 per hour!
The rate for England is going up to £6.19 per hour!
"For God's sake don't tell Cameron, he'll have a dicky-fit!"
Royal Sussex County Hospital morphine diluted!
They were found at Brighton's Royal Sussex County Hospital in March. The Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust said.
The Problem is Solved
A Jewish religious organization accepts anyone in accordance with Vanderbilt University's "all comer's policy." However, circumcision is required of all males as part of the group's bylaws!
President Obama and the US Oil Industry
President Obama demonstrates 2% common sense and 25% liberal far left ideology when dealing with oil/gas issues!
No Translator Needed
Senator Schumer (D-NY) writes a letter to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia asking him to pump more oil. The king said in Arabic, Schmuck!
LONE RANGER: What has President Obama, Rev. Jackson and Rev. Sharpton in common? TONTO: They speak with forked tongue!
Anything for Ratings
NBC launches an internal probe after running an edited version of the 911 call from George Zimmerman (the man who shot and killed Trayvon Martin) making Zimmerman sound racist.
MSNBC Liberal Talk Television News
MSNBC TV criticized for allowing one of their liberal left TV personalities, the Rev. Al Sharpton, to participate in the news by leading a Trayvon Martin protest in Sanford Florida!
King Obama I warns "unelected" Supreme Court against striking down ObamaCare. Meanwhile, King Obama I via executive orders violates the US Constitution, overriding Congress to select appointees!
Winning the Jackpot
The Republican Party may win the Trifecta on Nov. 6, 2012 when they take the presidency, retake the US Senate and retain the US House of Representatives!
LONE RANGER: Pres. Obama worries about poor people playing LOTTO. TONTO: Perhaps if the Obama administration didn't put its regulatory nose into everything, there would be more private sector jobs!
More Democratic Pink Slime
Republicans are charging that the Obama administration tried to squelch a study showing a proposed EPA regulation on coal mining would destroy jobs, by changing the numbers in the report.
Interesting Rhetorical Question
Rep. Bobby Rush (D-IL) said in relation to the recent Florida shooting tragedy "a hoodie is only an article of clothing!" Is it then OK for KKK members to don their hoodies again?
Hello Supreme Court Again
In CY 2014 the Supreme Court may hear ObamaCoal. The Coal Industry suing the EPA for preventing new coal fired power plants being built, as proposed emission regulations are impossible to achieve!
Prelude to Iranian Nuclear Talks
Iran's IAEA ambassador says their nuclear program is for peaceful purposes. Any Israeli attack could incur a "strong response with an iron fist," if we can get the Israeli missiles out of our asses!
Suzanne Somers has found a food cure for everything. However, a side effect experienced by some women is an additional pair of breasts on their upper back!
White House Newspeak
President "big-brother" Obama says Oil Company subsidies add to the cost of gasoline, while non-competitive green energy subsidies don't increase the cost of these fuels, even if they existed!
Prior to Coming to Washington DC
EPA study finds the inane domestic, foreign and defense policies of the Obama administration are due to advisors inhaling 150 years of steer manure odor emanating from the Chicago stockyards.
Well Intentioned, But
Businesses face possible lawsuits as USDOJ mandates that service horses be allowed in stores and restaurants. The Obama administration appears to be populated by a bunch of horse's asses.
A Frank Discussion of Race, Still Waiting
Rep. Rush (D-IL) calls for a frank discussion of race, as did candidate Obama and AJ Holder. All the American public got from liberal Democrats was to be called racist, when the subject was broached!
Needs Health Insurance
White House Press Secretary Carney denies rumors that President Obama will relocate to Massachusetts after the Supreme Court strikes down ObamaCare and he loses the 2012 election!
They're All Nuts
PETA sues rabid environmental group for animal cruelty. The environmentalists were inserting corks in city park squirrels, claiming that squirrel gas passing accounted for 50% of noxious emissions!
New Political Unit
Political scientists have established a new unit, the Pelosi, which measures cluelessness, corruption and incompetence. Runners-up were the Obama, the Reid and the Biden.
VP Biden was briefly detained by TSA screeners at Washington DC's Reagan airport when two three pound bags of stuff were found in his luggage. It turned out to only be Democratic BULLSHIT!
Has Foot in Mouth, Will Travel
There's hope for the Republican presidential candidates. VP Biden is on the road defending the Obama administration's failures namely bailouts, green energy subsidies & $800 billion stimulus package!
Strangers on a Train, Plane or Bus
President Obama rejected a proposal by the EPA to curb solid waste pollution by hiring 310 million Americans to wipe each other's butts, on alternate days of the week!
ObamaCare is the federal government trying to get all Americans to live on Obama's subsidized plantation. Ask Native American Indians about how well their federal provided reservations worked out!
The New ObamaCare Mandate
In preparation for the Supreme Court striking down ObamaCare as unconstitutional, President Obama is to issue an Executive Order that all Americans purchase a Johnson and Johnson first aid kit!
EPA to Regulate Eating of Beans
The EPA regulation of emissions from new construction coal fired power plants also includes humans passing gas in a public facility. Beware, there may be an EPA inspector standing behind you!
NYC Schools to Ban Words
Words such as computer, dinosaur, cigarettes, slavery and Halloween are banned on tests. However, words such as sh*t, piss, fu*k, your mother and school board morons are still OK!
Best We've Got?
Thomas Jefferson would be astonished that in the 21st century the best the US can produce are Democratic President Obama, VP Biden and Republican presidential candidates Romney, Santorum and Gingrich!