The average Brit spends 5 months of their lives in their shed…hiding from the TV license inspector.
written by Backandtotheleft, 10 April 2012
George W. Bush receives new brain
The op took place yesterday with Bush receiving a chimps brain. His neurosurgeon, Dr Graham Matter, was asked if there would be any noticeable change in his behaviour. "I doubt it." Replied Dr Matter.
Dalglish wants referees to say sorry
Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish reckons refs should explain controversial decisions and apologise when they get things wrong.
I wonder if he'll apologise to Liverpool fans for his awful signings.
Obama shows no mercy
160 million Americans (42%) sickened by prospect of government controlled health care; Obama actively lobbies against known cure.
written by waterman, 10 April 2012
"Flock of seagulls" delay Titanic cruise!
The memorial cruise of the Titanic was delayed because the MS Balmoral was attacked by a "Flock of Seagulls" humming "Wishing (I had a photograph of you") creepy! Maybe sailors are right after all?
written by Jaggedone, 10 April 2012
Marlins suspend manager Ozzie Guillen for 5 games
Guillen was suspended for five games Tuesday because of his comments about Fidel Castro. "When I said he had cojones I meant baseballs," said the apologetic Venezuelan, Guillen
Chancellor Shocked By The Rich
George Osbourne claims to be shocked that some of the super rich pay as little as 10% tax on their earnings.
You'd of thought one of his super rich friends would've told him about it.
Spanish King's Grandson Shoots Himself in the Foot
The 13-year-old grandson of Spain's King Juan Carlos has accidentally shot himself in the foot. Apparently the lad's OK. This is a daily routine for Prime Minister, David Cameron.
Anders Breivik Is Not Insane
The spoof writer, Inseine is quite mad at claims that Norwegian massmurderer, Anders Breivik is insane. "If anyone is Inseine, then it's me!" He said today from his padded cell.
Robert Mugabe Is Seriously Ill
Zimbabwe's president, Robert Mugabe is reported to be seriously ill. This is not really news, but it does confirm suspicions that he has been seriously ill since taking power from Britain in 1980 .
Hamza To Go
The European union have granted Great Britain to deport the hate preacher Abu Hamza to the US. The majority of the British public are saying in unison: "yeah, sling yer hook, Hamza!"
5 simple ways to beat traffic. (AOL lifestyle headline)
1. Stay at home.
2. Go to prison.
3. Red Bull gives you wings!
4. Move to the desert.
5. Only travel between 1am-6am
Family's grief over 'plot'
The family of a Wall Street executive was stunned to find the cemetery plot bought 29 years ago was occupied. Occupy Wall Street denies involvement, "Our dead are in the 99% plots not the 1% ones."
Alec Baldwin's alleged stalker hit with temporary restraining order
Montreal actress, Genevieve Sabourin said, "I'm not crazy -- just nuts, over Alec."
Ashley Judd Calls Media's Puffy-Face Controversy "Nasty, Gendered and Misogynistic"
Rapper Chris Brown, ex soul mate of Rihanna, commented, "I hate the word 'misogynistic'"
David Beckham to Become Elle Magazine's First Solo Male Cover..
The mag will be renamed 'Del' for one issue only...
Lady Gaga announces UK tour dates:
July 1st - Dog And Duck Peckham
July 2nd - Kings Head Dulwich
July 3rd - Queens Legs Nunhead
July 4th - TBC
Cruise ship follows in Titanic's footsteps -100 years on
Watch out for the icebergs!
Should Britain scrap bank holidays?
Think-tank reveals public days off cost the economy £18bn a year.
Bloody spoil sports!
George Osborne 'shocked' by rich tax dodgers
Except the ones he's related too presumably.
Punch Taverns upbeat about 2012
'We know the country is in decline, were hoping if people are going to suffer they'll be crying into their beer'
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 16
"I Ran the Boston Marathon"
Emma I Tired.
Mario Balotelli confuses Mancini with a sex-doll
Manchester City player, Mario Balotelli has confused his manager with a blow-up doll. "I love my manager," he said. "and I let it down." He was last seen buying a puncture repair kit.
written by IainB, 10 April 2012
Do the EuroMillions Lotto this Easter!
In the EuroMillions, each ticket has a one in 116 million chance of the jackpot!
"The odds would be longer of finding an honest MP in the UK!"
HS2: 50,000 bodies 'to be exhumed' for high speed rail link
50,000 bodies will need to be exhumed to make way for the new HS2 rail line from London to Birmingham,
"Just the ticket for the unemployed who have got to do work for free?"
Drivers stop hit and run escape
Pennsylvania: A motorist ran into the back of cyclist, the driver sped off. A bus driver blocked him, & a car pulled up behind, stopping the driver from leaving the scene.
"Great stuff, well done!"
Boy Needs 30 Stitches After Pufferfish Attack
Tom Horn, (5), was bitten wading with his family on Thursday Island, Queensland.
Pufferfish grow to a length of only 14 inches but have powerful teeth-filled jaws.
"Jaws in miniature!"
Alaska's largest city breaks seasonal snow record
Anchorage has been walloped by snow.
City snow removal men hauled more than 2.5 million cubic yards of snow to the city's six snow disposal sites!
Baby born on a plane
Using shoe laces sterilised in vodka and hot towels from business class, a baby boy was delivered on a Delta flight bound for Africa!
"A baby alcoholic with a towel fetish in the making there!"
Asylum seeker claimed £750m over prison sex ban!
A failed asylum seeker tried to claim up to £750 million in compensation from the Government because he is not allowed to have sex with his girlfriend in prison!
Burglars caught by their own security cameras!
4 burglars have been jailed after a CCTV system they installed at one of their own homes filmed them carrying loot back from a robbery!
"I like it, I like it!"
Cat returned to owner after 16 years!
A German woman was preparing on Wednesday for an emotional reunion with her long-lost cat, after 16 years apparently living in the woods, an animal home said.