Columbian hose order mistaken for attempt to buy whores
A simple order for garden hose has led to the suspension and/or firing of 11 Secret Service agents. Due to lack of rain, agents wanted to hose down a backdrop where Mr. Obama was to speak.
written by Lyndon, 20 April 2012
Bad Headline: number 103
HEALTH INSURERS SHOULD COVER NEW BREASTS
Penguin Stolen from Queensland SeaWorld
Thieves have stolen a penguin from Queensland SeaWorld. Meanwhile a small boy from Milton Keynes also had a penguin stolen from his lunchbox. On both occasions, the thieves have not yet been found.
What a big lad.
Two poms have been charged with the theft of a penguin from an Oz theme park on the Gold Coast, having stuffed it down his speedo's one of the men attracted a large following of female admirers.
George 'Abacus' Osborne has confirmed the UK will give an extra £10bn to the International Monetary Fund and why not indeed, plenty more where that came from providing the UK serfs keep grafting 24/7!
Swanee how I love ya!
Black firefighter makes Police racism claim, later discovered he was actually white but had just been attending a highly smokey fire!
N-dUBZ rapper Dappy arrested after fight at Petrol Station...little wanker should learn to queue up like the rest of us motorists!
Obama out raises Romney in campaign fundraising
President Obama raised $53 million versus $12.6 million for Mitt Romney.
Sounds like one has a silver spoon and the other has a plastic one.
written by JAB, 20 April 2012
'I'd Personally Fly Abu Qatada to Jordan If I Could,' Says Cameron
'OK,' he continued, 'I know I'm not showing much regard for principles of human rights, but if it appeases right wing voters in the run-up to the local government elections, then I'm up for it.'
written by Swan Morrison, 20 April 2012
Jon Stewart Catches Romney in Working Mom Flip-Flop
Were all the five star hotels full?
Rihanna sniffs white substance from bouncers head
is it sugar sniffing season already?
Mark Zuckerberg Bought Instagram Without consulting Facebook Board
'Bothered? Face? Face bothered? Do i look bovvered?
Perhaps he confused it to booking a strippergram for a stag night?
Did someone fart near the Miami Heat bench?
'Welcome to Miami'
Obama Boards Rosa Parks Bus
He's waiting for the price of gas to drop before he tops up Air Force One.
Dick Clark Dies at 82
No more dick for you on news years eve ladies.
Sun newspaper Royal Editor Arrested
'Orf wth his head!
Secret Service agents in prostitution probe
Form an orderly queue gents.
Unlikely American Idol
Recording of Mel Gibson rant released, famed record producer Randy Jackson says, "you nailed it dawg, that could go platinum within days!"
Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 26
"Old Wood Carvings"
Beckham does not deserve place in Olympics squad
David Beckham does not deserve a place in the GB Olympics squad, says ex-England player Gary Lineker.
Ouch! That could make for an awkward atmosphere at the next crisp commercial they make together!
Semtex smuggled into Grand National site
Semtex smuggled into Grand National site... and Olympics security firm fails to spot it!
"Don't bode well do it?"
written by Inchcock, 20 April 2012
Columbia Summit Summary:
Another job undone by our team of experts on crack.
written by Adam Click, 20 April 2012
Street Theft Increases By 10%
You'd have to be a good thief to go unnoticed while nicking a whole street.
The government have advised people to mark their streets with indelible ink to make them easily indentifiable if stolen.
written by Simon Saunders, 20 April 2012
A Name Change
Comedian Bill Maher is changing the name of his Super Pac to "Morons for Obama," after he received bipartisan complaints about his nasty remarks about Ann Romney!
President Obama and AJ Holder advise the "race hustlers" Revs. Sharpton and Jackson to leave Sanford FL or be arrested by the FBI for ignoring the problem of black on black crime!
First Lady's New Rules for White House Employees
Always wear clean underwear; eat vegetables and worship the food police; love the EPA, PETA and ObamaCare; don't smoke; bicycle to work and hate gasoline; BMI less than 20 and not be Republicans!
It's the Silly Season
A new Democratic organization Gargoyles for Obama has been formed, oops that should be Gorgons for Obama!
President Obama calls for another bureaucracy to go after gasoline/oil speculators. He overlooked the SEC, DOC, DOJ, DOE, FTC, TD, CFTC and CPA,
WH Press Secretary Carney denies that the new EPA regulations on natural gas emissions were meant to apply to Presidential Advisor Piston Rod's Sunday talk show comments!
Send It to Harry
Democratic SML Reid says senior citizens like getting third class junk mail. Thirty million senior citizens are forwarding all their junk mail to the US Capitol for Harry to read!
While You Were Sleeping
White House Press Secretary Carney announced that the central theme of President Rip Van Winkle's, oops President Obama's campaign speeches will be devoted to the US economy!
Clueless Government Agency
President Obama's new Consumer Protection Agency announced it will pursue GSA partying practices and Secret Service prostitute hiring practices that penalize minorities, women and taxpayers.
More About Recycling Plastics
Environmentalists are calling for recycling of brassieres, as they contain plastics and foam rubber. OSHA is warning that the contents must be removed before recycling occurs!
Investors are flocking to brassier manufacturing companies. Regardless of inflation or depression the shareholder value increases for many years until a sagging economic downturn occurs!
Think About It
Many of the Democratic liberals supporting President Obama's destruction of the US Constitution will be the first to lose their freedom if Obama succeeds!
A Man of Few Words
"He has been an unmitigated disaster to the country," former Republican VP Cheney said of Obama.
They Don't Care
UN Security Council condemns North Korean missile launch. North Korean leadership responds with a message to the UN, but translation is incomplete as interpreter turns a deep shade of red!
President Obama indicates that the US can't talk to Cuba until they become a democracy. Then how come the US talks to Communist China, the former Soviet Union, etc, etc, etc?
Famous Descriptive Songs
Frank Sinatra (1957): Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. Obama Administration (2012): Clueless, Incompetent and Corrupt.
I Want Your Money, You Can't Have Mine
Political Adviser Piston Rod indicated President Obama has no plans to chip in extra money from his own income to defray the deficit, but insists the wealthy pay more.
Not Hotter than Losing Florida
Delegates to the sixth Summit of the Americas asked Colombia to invite Cuba to the presidential meeting. The additional heat generated by the request caused climate change to President Obama!
Obama Administration Corruption
$4.5 trillion national debt increase, $2 billion loss of taxpayer loans to green energy co, a GSA boondoggle in Las Vegas with taxpayer money & Secret Service Agents chasing prostitutes in Colombia!
PETA's New Policy
Any PETA member that martyrs themselves for the cause of animal rights gets 72 pussies (cats)!
Proposed US Foreign Policy for North Korea
President Obama's far left wing loony advisors have proposed giving the North Korean leadership all the food they can eat. They will then be too fat to develop missiles and nuclear weapons!
North Korea discovers their Iranian made Acme Manufacturing Co. do it yourself three stage long range rocket kit was a dud!
VP Biden's Foot in Mouth Disease Spreading
Democratic liberals are scared that Biden's foot-in-mouth disease is spreading. President Obama compares himself to Republican President Reagan and then WH strategist Hilary Rosen insults Ann Romney!