Racist Tram Outburst
The woman in the Croydon Tram racist outburst video has shocked me to my very core....without a doubt the worst ventriloquist I have ever seen. She would not last 5 seconds on Britains Got Talent!
George 'Abacus' Osborne Autumn Address
Key points from George 'Abacus' Osbornes speech today.
"Basically the UK is completely buggered and we don't have a fucking clue!"
Ford to reprise Indiana Jones role at 70
Harrison Ford is to reprise his role as Indiana Jones at the age of 70, the fifth instalment is provisionally entitled: "Incontinent Jones and the leaking Colostomy Bag"
Off to never never land
Dr. Conrad Murray seeks a personal physician that will administer him nightly doses of propofol to help him sleep as he prepares for 4 years in prison.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 29 November 2011
Iranian hooligans storm UK Embassy in Teheran, how dare they!
The UK Embassy in Teheran has been stormed by a bunch of Iranian hooligans dressed as students. They were searching for a decent cuppa tea because Iranian tea stinks and is full of neutrons!
written by Jaggedone, 29 November 2011
Concern That Voice Of TV Choirmaster, Gareth Malone, Might Unbreak Before His Next TV Series
'He appeared about 16 years old in his first TV series. In his last he seemed about 12,' said a concerned BBC spokesman. 'His voice may well unbreak before the next, when we estimate he will be 10.'
Public Sector Pensioners Speak Out Against Strike
'Those selfish bastards need to keep working to support existing public sector pensioners,' said a spokesman. 'Yachts in the Seychelles don't pay for themselves!'
Katia Zatuliveter Delighted At Judgement She Is Not A Russian Spy
'Vladimir will be so relieved,' she muttered to herself as the judgement was read, 'so will my current lovers, Dave and Nick.'
Norway mass-murderer declared a "loony"; what a surprise!
Norway Nazi mass-murderer, Anders Behring Breivik, has officially been declared a total loony. Mass-murderers normally are not quite sane or are they?
written by Jaggedone, 29 November 2011
Is Chelsea's Juan Mata, in financial trouble?
It was reported in a local paper that Juan Mata, transferred from Valencia to Chelsea for £27.5m, and on £115384.65 a week wages, has failed to pay a £15 litter fine.
Could we have a collection for him?
Occupy Campsites Movement Causes Confusion
'Many of our campsites have been filled with tents and temporary shelters,' said a spokesman for the Camping and Caravanning Club. 'So far, we have no clear idea of the purpose of this protest.'
Tanker crashes closes M1
The M1 was closed for several hours yeasterday when a tanker full of Marmite crashed into a caravan. In a survey of stranded drives, some of them loved the delay and some of them hated it.
written by IainB, 29 November 2011
Soccer headings harmful to head, beheadings even more so
Doctors maintain that soccer players who average over 1,000 headings per year risk effects similar to those of head trauma. However, even 2,000-plus headings don't come close to a beheading.
written by Lyndon, 29 November 2011
Nottingham city centre restaurant owners say that changes to parking charges will hurt their businesses
On-street parking in the city used to be free after 6pm. But since November 14, charges have applied from 6pm until 8pm.
"I can't understand their problem, just look at how many other businesses have collapsed already in Nottingham... are they moaning?"
Guess who's wife is selling Christmas cards at over £13 each?
Samantha Cameron's Bond Street stationery firm is selling luxury Christmas cards at more than £13 EACH!.
"Well who'd have believed it?"
For George Osborne, unemployment is a price worth paying!
Oh I am glad!
I'm sure the 2.68 million people unemployed might disagree with the millionaire Minister!
UK - 60,00 criminals spared jail - despite committing over 15 crimes each!
What was it Cameron pledged?
"To scrap the early release of prisoners, toughen prison regimes, and protect the public from criminals?" - Ha!
Outlook for UK jobs worsens!
The independent Office for Budget Responsibility is to downgrade its previous prediction that job cuts will be outweighed by expansion in the private sector. The figures will be grim!
Arizona Just Says No To New Moms
The state of Arizona has just passed a law making it illegal for women to breastfeed in prisons, Pizza Huts, court rooms, dental offices, and churches.
The Reverend Al Sharpton Sees Things A Little Bit Differently
Reverend Al Sharpton says he is glad that Black Friday is over because he was getting sick and tired of white folks using that racist term over, and over, and over.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona Has Made His GOP Choice
Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, considered the toughest sheriff in the U.S., said that he will endorse Rick Perry. He added that Michele Bachmann just needs to get her cute little butt out of the way.
An Educational Newsflash!
A teacher in Iowa reports that a student's dog really did eat his homework.
Arizona Stands Up To The Plate
The state of Arizona is the first state in the nation to do away with the medical term erectile dysfunction and replace it with the more appropriate and politically correct term - limp winky.