Duke of Edinburgh pronounces on windfarms
The Duke of Edinburgh has announced that "Wind farms are useless" in a speech about renewable energy. Well, he is an expert on wind...
written by IainB, 20 November 2011
Vice President Joe Biden Offers His "GOP" Opinion
Vice President Joe Biden was asked who he thinks has a better chance of going up against President Barack Obama in 2012. He smiled and said that he would definitely have to say Mrs. Herman Cain.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 November 2011
The White House Shots Heard 'Round The World
When the Secret Service learned that someone had fired some gunshots that hit the White House they immediately called up Dick "Shotgun" Cheney and asked him if he knew anything about it.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 November 2011
President Obama Brings Back Gifts From Australia
President Obama visited Australia. He picked up a kangaroo for Malia, a koala bear for Sasha, and some more lame denials for Herman Cain.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 November 2011
Donald Trump's Heart Was In The Right Place
As a goodwill gesture Donald Trump had planned to provide a Thanksgiving dinner for the Occupy Wall Street protesters but changed him mind when some of them said that they'd rather have the money.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 November 2011
Old MacDonald had a farm, still has cheap labor
In light of video that shows unsanitary conditions and animal cruelty, MacDonalds drops major egg supplier, but will still torture immigrants and teens in greasy kitchens for hours at a time.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 20 November 2011
Call Empire State Locksmith
TV legend Regis Philbin has already misplaced the Key to the City given to him by NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 20 November 2011
Trojans Upset Ducks
Several discarded rubbers float by a flock of web-footed birds with bills who mistake them for food, quacking furiously.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 20 November 2011
A Capitol Hill of Beans
Deficit panel given task of finding at least $1.2 trillion in savings starts by not burning any midnight oil - at least not until after Thanksgiving - saving America nearly $100.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 20 November 2011
UC Davis, U Shoot Davis
Police officer who sprayed seated protesters with pepper spray at point blank range apologizes for incident. "Sorry, Chief. I meant to pull my taser!"
written by The San Francisco Onion, 20 November 2011
Celebrity Chefs Confused with Pizzas new Status
Celebrity Chefs are baffled as to why Congress proclaims pizza is a vegetable when it clearly should be classified as cardboard.
written by Ellie James, 20 November 2011
Pizza is Now a Vegetable
After Congress votes that pizza is now a vegetable for school lunches, pizza is upset because kids tend not to like vegetables.
written by Ellie James, 20 November 2011
Fruit Lobby Prepares to Protest Ruling
The fruit lobby is upset that pizza is considered a vegetable in US schools. "It should be a fruit. Tomatoes are actually fruit."
written by Ellie James, 20 November 2011
David Cameron's Vow on taking Office!
Cameron vowed to make real changes when he took Office.
34 MPs caught fiddling, 2.82m unemployed, VAT increased, food prices spiralling, NHS cutbacks... yes I'd say he's some real changes!
written by Inchcock, 20 November 2011
"You're Crap And You Ain't Funny!" Shouts Heckler.
"Yeah, but I'm not banging my sister!" replies stand up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"I Hate You, I Hate Everything You Stand For! You're A Loser!" Heckler Calls Out
"Ask your momma and your half sister if they agree...I doubt it," replies stand-up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"Tell It Like It Is - You're A Gaylord!" Shouts Heckler
"Nah. Sorry mate. Looks like the gaylord fairy bypassed me and landed in your closet. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay...ask your Dad." Stand-up comic replies.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"Stick It Up Your Arse!" Heckler Calls
"Familiar territory then..." replies stand-up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"You're A Pervert!" Heckler Yells.
"Please - keep a civil tongue in my arse when you say that," replies stand-up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"You're Crap!" Shouts Heckler.
"No. I'm carp. I'm a fish. Dyslexic bastard," replies stand-up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"My Nan Was Funnier Than You!" Shouts Heckler.
"Dig the bitch up, put her up here, and we'll let the audience decide," replies stand-up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
"You're A Wanker!" Shouts Heckler...
"Beats bonking your missus..." says stand-up comic.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
If You Insist On Calling Chinese People 'Chinks'...
Don't look so fucking surprised when you find something unpleasant in your takeaway.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
Ian Huntley Survives Yet Another Prison Assault
Many members of the public secretly hope that there are many more, before somebody finally nails the bastard.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
Hold That Snippet!
I was going to read that one, but it was too long and it's gone now...
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
Snippet Writing Is An Art Form...
Which most site users are unable to master.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
If A Snippet Takes Longer Than Five Seconds To Read...
It's crap.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
Snippets Should Be Short, Snappy, And Funny...
Fuck knows what happened to this one.
written by Skoob1999, 20 November 2011
