Maybe they could have wooden dentures, too
Rick Perry: "Like the founding fathers, Congress can make do without 15,000 staffers." Members of Congress likely will need to read 15,000+ pages of legislation per day in a Perry administration.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 15 November 2011
How do I get that on my page?
Many Farcebook users are being swarmed by newsfeeds today showing violent and/or sexually explicit images, some depicting Justin Bieber and other celebrities in demeaning poses.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 15 November 2011
Chicago Bears on the Rise Late in Season
Hundreds of thousands flee Chicago as hordes of ferocious, bloodthirsty black bears move in, leaving the forest in search of food, terrifying residents.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 15 November 2011
Correction
Recent snippet reported West Coast chopper customizer Jesse James cheated on tattooed fiance Kat Von D a total of nineteen times. James says that's complete bullshit, it was one-hundred nineteen.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 15 November 2011
Occupy NY is over and the local rodents are very happy!
The NY police have swept away the Occupy Wall St protestors paving the way for the fat rats to get fatter and their four legged cousins to scavenge the discarded scraps left behind.
written by unknown
Herman Cain Needs To Take A Little Time Off
Herman Cain was asked a question about Libya. He made a face and replied, "Now look y'all, I already done said dat I ain't gonna be talkin' 'bout no more white, blonde women from da past!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 November 2011
Jon Huntsman Knows How To Play The Series Numbers Game
After Rick Perry's popularity gains a few points, Jon Huntsman tells the media, "Hey folks, one, I am 51-years-old; two, I was born in Palo Alto, California; and three, my wife's name is...ah...mmm."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 November 2011
Ron Paul Defends Michele Bachmann
Ron Paul defended the pixie hairdo that Michele Bachmann wore at the South Carolina debate by saying, "Look, I think Chel looked just like Ellen DeGeneres except not blonde, gay, rich, or pretty."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 November 2011
"PizzaGate" Has Caused Herman Cain To Switch Over To Hamburgers
Herman Cain has really become flustered with this ongoing "PizzaGate" situation. He was asked about his 9-9-9 tax proposal and he said that he does not remember ever having called that area code.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 November 2011
Britain on a high! - should we be pleased?
The highest inflation for 20 years!
The highest fuel tax ever!
The highest youth unemployment for 19 years!
The highest MPs expense claims for 18 years!
The highest heating bills ever!
Oh, dear!
written by Inchcock, 15 November 2011
Ricky Tomlinson Quote on David Cameron!
"Cameron is like my arse - best out of sight!"
written by Inchcock, 15 November 2011
Ricky Tomlinson Quote on David Cameron - Two!
"Our toilet was outside and we had to light a candle and rip squares off the Liverpool Echo newspaper to wipe our arses with, no fun then, but they didn't have photo's of Cameron on them then!"
written by Inchcock, 15 November 2011
Capello statement on the Sweden game!
"We'll need to be really good with the passes between the lines and passes through."
You can see why he's worth £6m a year can't you!
written by Inchcock, 15 November 2011
Their Fair Share
A newly formed taxpayer group asks all Democratic liberal big spender politicians, as long as they have their hands in our pockets, to scratch any itchy spots!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Being Prepared
The Army Corps of Engineers is to hire groups of rabid environmentalists to be used as Louisiana levies, if climate change ever causes severe flooding in New Orleans.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Obama Administration Spending Philosophy
As president I asked my former Democratic liberal HS Pelosi to give me one dollar and promised I would spend two dollars! The current Republican House Speaker Boehner refuses to get with the program!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
At the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Meeting
President Obama scolds China about their currency manipulation. Chinese threaten to manufacture 100,000 lead Obama bubble head dolls that say "I Apologize" for export to the USA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Obama's Simplified Wealth Redistribution Tax Plan
An over a $1m income tax, then an over a $250k income tax, followed by an over a $100k income tax and finally an over a $50k income tax (middle class)!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Democratic Liberal Pandering
Former HS Pelosi (D-CA) thinks the Occupy Wall Street crowd is very organized. Just like she was, as the US House Speaker who didn't produce a budget for two years!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Reducing the Debt?
Rep. Clyburn (D-SC) employing Obamanomics has proposed taking the borrowed money the government won't be spending on the war in Iraq and spending it on infrastructure!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Watch My Lips
A proctologist has diagnosed former HS Pelosi's (D-CA) speeches, press conferences and statements. The doctor found she has been standing on her head for many years!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Obama's Halliburton Moments
Siga Technologies $433 million for smallpox vaccines and Solandra $525 million for solar panels are both Democratic Party donor owned companies, $840 billion stimulus and DOJ Fast and Furious!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Wake Up Call
The US Constitution protects all Americans from the tyranny of a centralized federal government. President Obama and the Democratic loony left liberals are trashing this noble document!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Obama the Job Killer in Chief
Delay of Canadian-USA pipeline lost 20k jobs, new coal regulations lost 7k jobs, Texas lizard put on the ESL lost 27K jobs & no new off-shore oil drilling until 2012-2017 possibly lost 10k jobs!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
High Paying Jobs
President Obama says we need to create high paying jobs in the USA. That is why he is giving millions of dollars in taxpayer funded bonuses to failing FANNIE MAE and FREDDIE MAC executives!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Birds of a Feather
Baltimore's Democratic Mayor proposes to increase the bottle tax, which people wanted repealed. But she was reelected & has a new reason to raise the tax! Sounds like Maryland's Democratic Governor.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
Presidential Hypocrisy
President Obama objected to Wall Street's AIG bonuses, but now the Executive Branch wants to give FANNIE MAE and FREDDIE MAC executive bonuses using taxpayer money!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 November 2011
