Rick Perry didn't even place
Republican front-runner Mitt Romney has a new challenge: According to a recent poll, Newt Gingrich has a slight edge in the public debate over which one of the two has the stupidest sounding name.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 12 November 2011
Tiger "Happy Gilmore" Woods
Still able to smash a ball down the fairway and nail the green, but unable to sink a putt, Tiger Woods looks for clues to improve game in Adam Sandler film classic.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 12 November 2011
"You just want me for my celestial body!"
New images of 18 dwarf galaxies reveal they are creating stars at a much more rapid rate than expected. Unfortunately, deadbeat galaxies unwilling to support stellar nurseries also on the rise.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 12 November 2011
Achilles and the Radioactive Tortoise
To safely dispose of more than 480,000 used protective suits that can only be worn once, cleanup crews at tsunami-devastated Fukushima nuclear plant will require another 48,000 suits ...
written by The San Francisco Onion, 12 November 2011
Michele Bachmann Is Not Exactly A Sporty Gal
Michele Bachmann was recently campaigning down in Alabama and she was asked what she thinks about, NASCAR. She smiled, paused a bit, and replied that she really did not want to talk about Egypt.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Jon Huntsman - The Man With The Solution?
Jon Huntsman was asked what he would do about the homeless cardboard carriers who dodge traffic on street corners every day. He said he'd gather them all up and bus them up to Canada.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Biden to be Playboy king.
Vice President of the USA, Joe Biden, has announced that he will take over the running of the Playboy mansion once original owner Hugh Hefner retires in the foreseeable future. "Can't wait!" said Joe.
written by whatinthe world, 12 November 2011
Ron Paul - The Man Known As "Mr. Math"
Ron Paul stated that there are three things that he likes about Michele Bachmann. One is her hair. Two is her lipstick. And three is her hair.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Donald Trump Tosses Herman Cain Some Advice
Donald Trump says Herman Cain needs to stop wearing that silly looking black cowboy hat. He said he looks like he's getting ready to star in Brokeback Mountain - Riding Sidesaddle in Mississippi.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Share Prices Plummet As Mood Of International Financial Markets Moves From Anxiety And Pessimism To Clinical Depression
The anthropomorphisation of financial markets as if they were one mentally disturbed person, today progressed. 'They see only blackness and despair,' said a market spokesman. 'They just want to die.'
written by Swan Morrison, 12 November 2011
Capello makes statement to reporters on Spain match!
Quote: "We will play football against them"
'At last!'
written by Inchcock, 12 November 2011
Osborne has been urged to cut fuel duty for motorists!
Osborne was urged to cut fuel duty for millions of hard-pressed motorists, yesterday.
He is recovering from shock in the hospital, and said to be 'To be in an unstable condition!'
written by Inchcock, 12 November 2011
Condoleezza Rice Has A Damn Good Question For Herman Cain
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice wants Herman Cain to state why he never harassed any black women.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Jessica Simpson Says She Is A Fan of Michele Bachmann
Jessica Simpson stated that she likes Michele Bachmann so much that if her baby is a girl she will name her "Hair Spray" after Bachmann.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Herman Cain and The KKK
Well as if Herman "PizzaGate" Cain does not already have enough problems in regard to the white blonde women now comes word that the Ku Klux Klan would like to have a little private meeting with him.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Reverend Al Sharpton Has Herman Cain's Number
Reverend Al Sharpton says that it is time that Brutha Herman Cain comes clean and admits to what he did and just drops out of the GOP race and goes back to what he does best, cooking pizzas.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 November 2011
Treasury rip-off: £31.5bn earnings from fuel & road tax £13.4bn spent on roads & environment!
We asked Nroman Baker, Minister of Transport, what he thought about this anomaly.
He replied: "Yes", then returned to playing with his Scaletrix set.
written by Inchcock, 12 November 2011
Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, reveals he has a crush on Fergie!
Alex Ferguson replied to Chris by email with an invite to supper, kisses, and many thanks.
That was before it was clarified that Chris meant Fergie the Former Duchess of York!
written by Inchcock, 12 November 2011
Bunga low bill from the EU
Italy's economic meltdown is pushing up the cost of buying a home in Britain, experts warned last night.
Well, naturally!
written by Inchcock, 12 November 2011
Another award for Wayne Rooney
The Mardy, Mardy Mustard Appreciation Society, have granted the title of 'Bawl Boy' to Wayne for his antics. They thought it best not to film the ceremony, although as you know, Wayne swears by them!
written by Inchcock, 12 November 2011
