Pippa Middleton Eh?
I know I would! Fwooor! Eh? Eh?
written by I think I'm funny..., 20 May 2011
In Milton Keynes Today…
A suspected Mechaphile was arrested today for making a lewd remark to a Ford Escort. He was heard to shout out: "Oi love, show us your hooters!"
A group of 500 Mechaphiliacs - people who love motor cars are to have a meeting - guess what they are going to call it? A RALLY!
Apocalypse Already Happening: People Are Frightened!
Harold Camping, the American who claims the end of the world is nigh could may be right. Already people have lost contact with Australia and New Zealand - they are scared. It could be atmospherics.
Man Confesses to Having Sex with over 1000 Motor cars
A "Mechaphile" has confessed to having sex with over 1000 cars. He has also confessed to being exhausted. Police want to reassure the public that he does not work for Kwikfit.
World's top rapist given time off
to worship the devil!
Worlds top rapist arrested for vagrancy
vagrancy! After posting three trillion dollars bail! Nobody want's him in their neighborhood!
Man Utd's Parade Route Revealed
Man Utd have confirmed the route their parade bus will take if they beat Barcelona in the Champions League final next weekend.
The bus will go through every borough in London.
written by grimbo, 20 May 2011
Standing for Election
May I introduce myself? I pledge to pretend to listen but will really only seek to feather my own nest. If I can get away with anything I will. You want honesty in politics vote for me!
Quite a Feat!
That's quite a feet!
No you should say 'quite a foot'.
I am not a deer
No you're a twit
It's a tweat
Court rules medical marijuana using Arizona surgeon can wear guns
in the operating room, just in case the patient wakes up and tries to steal his stash
World's top rapist pledges to devote his life
to finding the 'real' rapist if found not guilty. Don't worry. He already has booked tee times for the first month.
Gold & Sullivan drink Brady
West Ham owners David Gold and David Sullivan are drinking the health of the team with an great Brady. In the dressing room for the last Premiership match the team had the only fillip of the season.
Obama sorts it all out
'You can do it!' Barrack Obama cried. 'You will do it!' With these words the Middle East problems were sorted and America continued to rue the world.
Shock House of Lords Announcement
Given Parliamentary Privelige a member of the House of Lords, who cannot be named, said A & B were fucking in the corridor without ermine and regulation pantaloons.
One Gag too Many!
Comdedian hopeful John Winkle has told one joke too many and instead of groans has been gagged by his audience. 'He told one gag too many' said his wife.
Shark Lays Egg
Sharks normally give birth to young infants but a shark at the SeaLife Centre in Blackpool has been born from an egg. Shark eggs have been mistaken for duck eggs and have been eaten up to now.
The Man Had A Penny and A Five Dollar Bill Named After Him
Donald Trump is really getting carried away with this birth certificate business. Now he wants to see Abraham Lincoln's birth certificate.
The Women of The View Are Some Tough Cookies
The Views Elisabeth Hasselbeck is claiming that fellow host Whoopi Goldberg bit her on her hand. Goldberg replied, "That'll teach the honky bitch to be messin' wiff my chicken wings."
Gosh, That Was One Hell of A Tip-Off
Maria Shriver says that looking back she should have thought something was amiss when she used to see their maid sitting on Arnold's lap and feeding him popcorn as he watched the Dodgers on TV.
A Ho By Any Other Name Is Still A Prostitute
GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul has come out in favor of legalized prostitution but was quick to add "Just as long as the women involved are whores."
McDonald's - Not Quite Lovin' It Huh?
McDonald's stated that due to horrible customer response they will immediately be doing away with their new McSushi Happy Meal.
Arnie and His Broken English
Maria Shriver was asked how she broke the news to Arnold Schwarzenegger that she was divorcing him. She replied "Real easy, I simply used a translator."
Ah-nold "Spermanator" Schwartzeneger Getting Reacquainted With Movie Acting
Arnold Schwartzeneger, recently dumped by his wife for spreading his seed in foreign soil, has decided to return to the movies. All of his earnings will go to pay loads of child support and alimony.
written by C. Lance the Freelance, 20 May 2011
New Bad Drug Lawsuits
Class action lawsuits may soon target the pain reliever Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid) which has been around for more than 3500 years (willow tree bark and leaves)!
Not Good Enough
The food police have gotten menus posted in restaurants showing calories and fat and, the serving of healthier foods. They now want computer chips implanted in children to control their behavior!
The King's Mid-East Speech
President Obama is to have the air conditioning in the White house turned off on Friday. The meeting between the president and Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu will be pretty icy!
Republican Party Announcement
The Republican Party and the RNC extend a warm welcome to those American Jews leaving the Democratic Party as a consequence of President Obama's Mid-East speech!
The Spender in Chief
Remember the bridge to nowhere? President Obama's stimulus package funded a multi-million dollar high speed railroad construction starting in CA's big valley (farm country) amongst the vegetables.
Obama Judicial Nomination
President Obama nominated an extremely liberal left wing ideologue UC Berkeley law professor for a seat on the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. Apparently, Karl Marx was not available!