The Phantom 15 Million!
What happened to the promised 15 million jobs Obama and friends promised would come our way?
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Birther Update
UPDATE: Hawaii governor says Obama's birth record 'exists' but can't produce it. Expects it to suddenly pop-up right before 2012 election or a reasonable facsimile..
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Quasimodo looses it!
QuasiModo lost his rag today and refused to ring he bell.
Asked why he was acting this way, he replied.
"I've got the hump!"
written by armfeetandtoe, 22 January 2011
Google Releases Google Apple
PALO ALTO, CA - Google released Google Apple today at a press conference. The Google Apple will do Apple-y things for nearly 75% of the price and development time. Experts say 'certified success'.
written by Inhopeless, 22 January 2011
Sargent Shriver Remembered #2
Sargent Shriver remembered at funeral, although most there over heard saying, "I had forgotten all about him."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Giant Crayfish No Big deal
Tennessee's 'giant' crayfish joins other outsized members of diminutive species, but none more surprising than two-foot omeba in the Congo.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Sargent Shriver Remembered
Sargent Shriver remembered for heritage, hugs, pet flea collars.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
French condom factory goes bust!
A French condom factory went bust today. It also went Bang! Whizz! and Kaboom! The profolatic firm forgot to turn off the gas which led to the explosion. Police said the firm will bounce back.
written by armfeetandtoe, 22 January 2011
Japan elect first black president!
Japanese people woke this morning and celebrated the election of "Nissan Maindealer", the first black president of Japan. Nissan, has roots in South Africa.
written by armfeetandtoe, 22 January 2011
Heard She Was Popular
Michelle Obama wore a bright red dress to formal White House reception for China Leader Hu. "Hu looked around and then asked where was the lady with the famous blue dress?
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
After 2 Years, Still Doesn't Work
President Obama's bowing and scraping fails to impress Chinese Leader Hu.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Justin Bieber the TRUTH
Justin Bieber has only achieved fame and fortune because all his fans are 7 year old girls who don't know how to download music (BTW downloading music is illegal so don't do it...)
written by DrX, 22 January 2011
He's Back!!
Osama Bin Laden threatens France in new message: "We will attack from the rear so there can be no retreat!"
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
A-47 To Be Replaced
Russian Defense Minister causes uproar with call to replace famed AK-47 with the new AK-57, the Palin Polar Bear Special!
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Berlusconi Searches For His Root After Papal Reprimand
Forgot which hole he had planted it in.
written by Hawking's Chair, 22 January 2011
Still Not Working
Scientists try to mate Galapagos tortoise - again. "What we need is another Galapagos turtle", says Overseer.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Simulation Almost Complete
520-day flight simulation nears 'landing' on Mars. Scientists admit that most went crazy a month ago.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Couple Join Exclusive Club
2 Russians go spacewalking outside space station. Join the 236-Mile Club!
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
More Ethanol Approved
EPA approves more ethanol in fuel for cars, much cheaper liquor!
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
No More death Penalty Drugs Made here
US company stops making key death penalty drug as US may turn to using volunteer Iranian firing squads.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
They Will Continue to Fight Whether US There or Not!
Iraqi police arrested the local leader of a government-backed Sunni Muslim militia for planning the deadly bombings on Shiite pilgrims this week. So why are 50,000 of US troops still there?
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Winfrey Spills Family Secret
Winfrey promises to spill family secret Monday as twin sister, Booboo, comes down from home in the attic.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Uproar Over "Skins"!
That uproar over 'Skins': A blessing for the show. "We had to do something to get more teens to watch it", state producers.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
It's Private
Hawaii law bars release of Obama birth info, same as California law bars release of birth info on all women over 30.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Opening New Jobs?
Obama says opening markets key to jobs. U.S. citizens may have to go overseas to work at them.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Google Asks Spoof for Help
In shake-up, Google tries to hold off new threats. Asks all Spoof writers to write "Nude" stories to keep the lines hot.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Oprah Reveals All?
Winfrey promises to spill family secret Monday. "I'm actually a zombie!"
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Oprah Trying to Raise Ratings
Oprah Winfrey has staged many a family reunion on her talk show. But on Monday's episode, she promises, the drama will be about her. "After all, they are ALL actually about MEEEE!"
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Obama Hair Dye Question
Chinese leader's visit overshadowed by whether or not President Obama had dyed his hair.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Why Not Now if Plan to Show Birth Info Later?
Hawaii law bars release of Obama birth info says Dem Governor. US authorities say they have lost their copy. Both say they expect to show it just before 2012 election as a nice boost to re-election.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Isn't This Getting Silly?
Hawaii law bars release of Obama birth info says Democrat Governor. US authorities say they have lot their copy.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Sexy Second Graders?
Calif school eyes accounts of sex by 2nd graders. "Don't know where they learn all this", says Hollywood.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
More Government Control
The U.S. gov. awarded a no-bid, $266 million contract for a lucrative electricity project in Afghanistan despite promising last year to seek competitive bids from other companies. Same as in the US.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Olbermann Ousted
Keith Olbermann gives abrupt goodbye to MSNBC show after being fired by the Obama administration.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Iran: You Know!
Iran talks fail, no new date set. "We will let you know when we schedule our next date to fail."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Hubby Kills Mate's Doctor
Ivan Alai fatally shot Dr. Mai-Cun Thirts in the head after the famous transplant specialist successfully implanted an donor voicebox into Mrs. Yuan Alai, Ivan's wife.
written by PP Rega, 22 January 2011
Obama and Huge
Chinese Premier, Huge in Tao, has been taken to a sleazy Chinese restaurant by Prez Barack Obama. "This is your legacy, you slanty eyed freaks" wailed Obama. "Doggy bag, please" demanded Huge smiling.
written by whatinthe world, 22 January 2011
Now it's Nudity on Snippets!
Joe Biden, trying to finally get the attention of Pres. Obama, came before him this morning while completely nude with a sparkler in each hand and a Roman Candle stuck up his ass, shooting fireballs.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2011
Quick Diplomatic Lunch
President Obama may take visiting Chinese President Hu Jintao for a quick lunch of jalapeno pepper cheeseburgers at Ray's Hell Burger in Virginia or at Five Guys in Washington DC.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Don't Forget the Pickle
Chinese President Hu Jintao asked President Obama if they could go to Katz's Kosher Delicatessen for a hot pastrami sandwich and a cream soda. Even in China we know of this restaurant!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Asian Cuisine
President Obama, Chinese President Hu Jintao and SoS Clinton will discuss a plethora of foreign policy issues while dining on Japanese, Tibetan, N Korean, Indian, Taiwanese, and Iranian dishes!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Animal Planet
He married a fox, had an affair with a cougar and now the shark lawyers are chewing on his assets!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Americans Broke the Code
The American people have decoded that DEMOCRATIC LIBERALS equates to VERY BIG BIG SPENDERS, with their tax money!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
President Obama Would now Shop at Wal-Mart
Pres. Press Sec. Gibbs asked if Obama would shop at Wal-Mart said Wal-Mart has "taken some dramatic steps in how they're dealing with food." Besides GOP HS Boehner cut the White House's food budget!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Progressives are Really Regressives
Progressives in blue states try to raise personal income taxes, business taxes, millionaire's taxes, minimum wage & health care taxes. A prescription for not creating jobs & destroying the recovery!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Obamacare Defenders
Democratic liberal far left wing Congressmen and their associated media pundits defending Obamacare have come up with more bullshit than a feed-lot full of steers!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Verizon Seeks FCC Neutering in Federal Appeals Court
Verizon filed a legal challenge to new FCC regulations (network neutrality) that prohibits broadband providers from interfering with Internet traffic flowing over their own networks.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Thank you Canada
James Moore, the Heritage Minister in Canada, told Library and Archives of Canada to show the film "Iranium," despite threats of violence leveled at the institution. Free speech lives in Canada!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
New Gun Policy
Berkeley CA police agree not to carry guns while responding to domestic disturbances and student riots. However, very sharp plastic butter knives are OK!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Riot Breaks Out at Meeting
Health food advocates launch a program for Americans to eat more pineapples. Environmentalists protest as fossil fuel is used in shipping, say Americans should frequent local fast food restaurants!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Are they Contract Workers?
Supreme Court rules federal contract workers must submit to background checks. When a federal politician is caught with a call girl, can he be prosecuted for not complying with this ruling?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Finally Justice to be Served!
The USS Cole (DDG-67) bombing mastermind and other detainees will be tried at GITMO by military tribunals. Far left wing loons want to only give these enemy combatants "the comfy chair!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Inappropriate Comparison
Democratic Tennessee Congressman is a putz for comparing the Holocaust in Europe to the repeal of health care, in his US House speech. He knows what a putz is!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Order, Order
A British MP has apologized after his musical tie began playing "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" during a House of Commons debate.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Management Shake-Up at Google
Executives screwed by the management shake-up at Google have been offered jobs at Booble!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Arm the Pilgrims
Far left liberal loons call radio talk shows about how violent the USA is due to gun ownership. The loons ignore any news about Islamic fanatics killing unarmed Muslim pilgrims in many countries!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
Now He Tells Me
Baltimore Maryland couple seeks divorce based on incompatibility, as she is a Baltimore Ravens fan and he is a Pittsburg Steelers fan!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 January 2011
