Ronnie Biggs' Last Wish
Nursing Home, Barnet, London: Ailing train robber Ronnie Biggs 81 has asked for "a signed photo of J.K.Rowling for my dart board" as he "needed exercise". "I only robbed trains, not brains", said he.
written by Auntie Matter, 02 January 2011
Ghost of Sinatra at Caesar's Palace
Staff at Caesar's Palace Las Vegas say it's haunted by the ghost of Frank Sinatra. Sounds of "My Way", "Mack the Knife", and other tunes of ego-mania, greed and murder can be heard at midnight.
written by Auntie Matter, 02 January 2011
2011 to be Sponsored to Raise Tax Funds
Each nation is to offer the chance for companies to sponsor the 2011 as a initiative to raise tax funds. In the UK, all mentions of the year will be written as '2011 - brought to you by Burger King'
written by Collins_and_Dutton, 02 January 2011
George Osborne jets off for luxury skiing holiday in Switzerland
George Osborne jets off for luxury skiing holiday in Switzerland. Hell's bells, talk about rubbing the faces of the taxpayers into the doo doo. Hopefully he'll break a bone or two on the slopes.
written by unknown
Wannabe model lands £4 boob job from reverse auction website
Wannabe model lands £4 boob job from reverse auction website. Apparently this would be model works with people suffering mental illnesses. Seems she could well be a patient very soon. Deluded wench.
written by unknown
2011 to be Anus Horribles for David Cameron
2011 to be Anus Horribles for David Cameron - or so I thought the headline said. He's a pain in the butt for the common folk so I wish him 'butt boils to the nth degree'.
written by unknown
There Is A Very Good Reason Why President Obama Is Not Going To Brazil
President Obama has announced that he is cancelling his scheduled trip to Brazil due to the outbreak of the dreaded Brazil Nut Fever.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
Fort Knox: For Sale?
A Chinese Investment firm from Hong Kong has expressed an interest in buying Fort Knox. President Obama and Vice-President Biden are mulling over the offer and will get back to them within 48 hours.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
The Big Milwaukee, Wisconsin Wikileaks Lawsuit
A plumber in Milwaukee, Wisconsin is being sued by Wikileaks for illegally naming his company Wikileaks Be Gone.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
Costa Rica Is Not Happy With Its Recently Purchased Jet Fighter
Costa Rica wants to return the jet fighter it recently bought from North Korea. A spokesperson for the Costa Rican Air Force said that the silly plane will not turn to the right.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
Kelly Clarkson Plans To Ignore All Of The 'Weight Gain' Remarks
Kelly Clarkson confided to her best friend that she is going to do her best to ignore all of the 'weight gain' remarks and just be happy she isn't as heavy as fellow singer Wynonna Judd.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
Donald Rumsfeld Moving To Tijuana, Mexico
Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld wants everyone to know that he is fine and hopes to begin his job as a Wal-Mart greeter in Tijuana, Mexico within the next two weeks.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
The Reason Ines Sainz Wears Her Jeans So Tight
Ines Sainz, the sports reporter from Mexico, who wears her jeans tighter than any woman in the Western Hemisphere confided that as a child her family was so poor that she could not afford new jeans.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 02 January 2011
Gordon Ramseys Plastic Sugery Gone Too Far?
Rumours are circulating that the TV Chef and Olympic level Swearer, Gordon Ramsey has gone too far with his plastic surgery activities. He now is an exact likeness for Anthony Worrall Thompson.
written by Collins_and_Dutton, 02 January 2011
Mountain rescue teams inundated by 'shorts and flip flips' climbers
True, the shorts and flip-flop brigade are taking to the mountains hoping to get 'stuck' and enjoy a free helicopter ride to safety. To put an end to this the idiots should be made to pay hefty fines.
written by unknown
Dumbing down of university grades revealed
This comes as no surprise. It's been going on at some scale or other since the dawn of education. Funny how the exact number of boys & girls passed the 11+ annually-to exactly fill Grammar Schools.
written by unknown
Downton Abbey 'downsized' for American audiences
Downton Abbey 'downsized' for American audiences as it has been determined that American viewers have very short attention spans. That's why American readers of The Spoof read only Snippets Section.
written by unknown
ABBA threatening a comeback
ABBA are threatening a comeback. Youngest ABBA member, now 60, says they may be getting together, just for a charity benefit. Which charity is not yet know. Some say it could be 'Save The Wails'.
written by unknown
Giant fox caught in Maidstone Kent
Giant foxes are being trapped in England and fox meat will soon appear on all Chinese Restaurants. People who have tasted it says it tastes just like chicken. Cheap fox fur coats soon to be on sale.
written by unknown
Punishment decided upon for Prisoner Rioters
An appropriate punishment has been decided upon for rioting prisoners. They are to be shipped off to The Priory Clinic, London to spend a month with the Subo Fanatics. That should scare them straight.
written by unknown
Arnie leaving politics
Arnie Schwarzenneger is leaving politics. It's believed he is missing acting...varied roles...he is tired of playing a Governor and wishes to get back to other roles ASAP
written by unknown
Delay Tax Filings
IRS says 50 million taxpayers must delay filing. All ask for two years.
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
Record Cold
Coldest December Ever Recorded In Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach, Nipples...sorry..mind wandered.. Naples...
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
Page Won't Load to Users Annoyance
COVENTRY - Man, John Hinks, was trying to load page thespoof.com when the page crashed, forcing Firefox to display error. After repeated pressing of Refresh, page still wont load. Has now smashed PC.
written by Inhopeless, 02 January 2011
Babylon
Israeli PM wants nonstop talks with Palestinians. "All of us at them same time. That way they cannot say we were not talking with each other."
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
Chuck Berry Not Well
Official: Chuck Berry felt ill before Chicago show: "He was doing this funny walk across the stage with the guitar", says very young stage manager. "Maybe he has duck flu."
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
Obama Chicken?
Obama aide: Don't 'play chicken' with debt ceiling. "In fact, what if someone filmed you playing with that chicken?"
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
Lewd Videos
US Navy to probe lewd videos shown to carrier crew. Will review another ten times just to be sure to reach the right conclusion.
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
FEMA In Arkansas
1,000 birds fall from the sky in Arkansas. State government asks FEMA for emergency underarm deodorant shipment.
written by Bureau, 02 January 2011
New Film Series Coming Out Soon!
Inchcock Films Inc. of the Shortend Medical Centre, Grovelend Lane in Nottingham UK - are to shortly produce a new film series, to be called "The "Chronicles of Hernia"
written by Inchcock, 02 January 2011
Female G spot lost in space!
The long searched after female G spot has actually disappeared and been launched into space, men have started searching for it at the rear but also found it's been lost in a galactic 'brown hole"
written by unknown
God appears on Rooney's head!
A miracle happened in Birmingham yesterday as God appeared in the form of a 'fatamorgana" on Wayne Rooney's bald head and scored, United played as if they were all pissed, so thank God he was there!
written by unknown
Oprah Winfrey's "OWN" Network Spawns Copycat Networks
Barack Obama's "BON" Network, Sarah Palin's Alaska-Wide "Spawn" Network, and Christine O'Donnell's "CON" Network, among the many.
written by Hawking's Chair, 02 January 2011
A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox....
Statement released from Eton science lab:
'A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court'
Well anticipate the unemployed find this interesting!
written by Inchcock, 02 January 2011
Alien Help Arrived
Aliens have abducted the most crooked people from our planet - no politicians left on earth!
written by Inchcock, 02 January 2011
Update of the Ashes
Test Cricketer Ricky Ponting spoke at a press conference last night declaring that "I'm not a quitter...everyone just wishes I was."
written by Lara Bruton, 02 January 2011
Blame the School Lunch Program
President Obama makes a number of recess appointments. Considering the president has been "out-to-lunch" since he attended public school, these latest announcements are not surprising!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Cease Fire of Sorts
Governor Richardson of New Mexico has convinced both N Korea and S Korea to only fire artillery shells at each other, loaded with Kimchee. The UN objects that this is chemical warfare!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
The Gibbs Radio Network
President Obama asks the FCC to shut down both liberal (if there are any) and conservative talk radio programs. This action would allow only presidential hogwash (BULLSHIT) on the public airwaves!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
President Obama to Run as an Outsider
David Axelrod, Obama's 2012 election campaign manager, indicates the reelection strategy is to run Obama as a Washington DC outsider. Pres. Obama leaves on an NASA Mars expedition on Jan. 5, 2011!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Advanced Technology Screw-Up
SCOTTY: Captain, there be morons here! KIRK: What? SCOTTY: Sorry captain I missed the whales and beamed up the entire Obama administration cabinet members holding a meeting!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
The Obama Saga
I came, I screwed up and I was a one term president!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Politically Correct Speech
NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT: Democratic far left liberals are pushing amnesty for illegal immigrants. POLITICALLY CORRECT: Assholes are pushing amnesty for undocumented freeloaders!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
A Public Service Message
If you or a loved one have taken a large quantity of the drug scotch, bourbon, or rye this message is for you. Stay off the f**king road, as you may need a lawyer to get your sorry ass out of jail!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Clueless Economic Policy
President Obama has signaled he may select an academic as his new Chief Economic Advisor. However, the president asks any new appointee to bring their own Playschool "I can add blocks!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Speech is Protected by the US Constitution
A far left wing group says illegal immigrants are offended by use of the words illegal immigrants. Americans and their wallets are offended by the politicians pandering to illegal immigrants!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Group Bugs Congress
A group fed up with Congressional spending policies has planted bed bugs in the US Capitol. Better than gridlock, this measure would really keep the politicians from "getting in bed" with anyone!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Anarchists Plead Misunderstanding
Apprehended anarchists in Europe claim a language misunderstanding when they planted bombs in public buildings. They only wanted to give public officials a "blow job!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
It's a Small World
As China's economy grows more people have money to eat out at various ethnic restaurants. The Chinese have developed a fondness for Israeli/Jewish food.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Tax Dollars Controlled by Liberals
Politicians in some Democratic controlled states are pandering to the Hispanic vote. They want taxpayer subsidized in-state college tuition rates to apply to illegal immigrant children born here!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Better than Hooters
A fast food chain plans to test market the naked Sushi model concept, instead of using tables, at one of its stores that serves cheeseburgers, onion rings, fries and tacos.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
The Minister Will Take care of the Problem!
French environmentalists complained to the wine minister that part of global warming in France is caused by the CO2 released when a bottle of Champagne is opened. Monsieur Guillotine only smiled!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
New EPA Emission Regulations
Commencing 1/2/11 the EPA will enforce strict harmful emission regulations. US families are advised they can only visit the potty twice per day, holding any further discharges for the following day!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
First Momma Takes Action
First lady Michelle Obama asks the Department of the Interior to place skinny children on the endangered species list (ESL)!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Bureaucracy Never Goes Away
The EPA considers new areas to regulate after air/water, but prior to a Republican president. Included are regulations for belly button lint, ear wax, toe fungus, body odor and soiled underwear!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
Sorry Fido
Democratic far left wing liberals are like Fido. They always have their noses in your business, like anything that spends your money and then crap on you when you disagree with their positions!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 January 2011
