Election confusion
Local man, John Abrahams commented, "The general elections were great, but I could not determine where to purchase the cheat sheet so I could submit the ballot."
written by merlin1212, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #10
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide by eating a full meal and taking a swim at the Jack Daniels Factory in Lynchburg.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #9
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide by suddenly yelling "All ten of you are under arrest!" from the middle of the Buchanan family's three-acre marijuana crop.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
New Gulf of Mexico Sparkling Water
Try BP's sensational new Gulfspill Vitamin Water. Just the right amount of carbonization with healthy crude oil fiber.
written by C. Cranium, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #8
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by admitting that he voted for Obama...twice.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #7
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by ordering a "Shirley Temple".
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #6
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by slipping up behind the leader of a biker gang and pulling his pants down.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #5
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by Lighting a fart near a moonshine still.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #4
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by walking into redneck bar while wearing a tutu.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #3
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by hiding in the bushes dressed in feathers and using a turkey call.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide #2
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by dressing himself up like a 16-point deer.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Hazzard Suicide
Duke Of Hazzard star's husband committed suicide outside the couple's home last Friday by dragging himself behind his truck.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Greeks beg Germany to start WWIII?
The Greeks are in such dire straits that they have begged the Germans to attack them, conquer them and make Greece a Deutsche Kolonie, anything is better than being blown into financial oblivion!
written by unknown
British electorate force their leaders to have their balls "HUNG"
THE BRITISH ELECTION PROVES ONE THING, BRIT POLITICIANS HAVE BALLS AND NOW THEY'VE ALL BEEN "HUNG" OUT TO DRY!
written by unknown
A Tasering We Will Go!
Security guard who tasered runaway fan on the field of ball game this week found tasered.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #76
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Papa's Jean Holes" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #75
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Pondersa's Steak Hoss" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #74
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "I Can't Believe It's Not Sushi" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #73
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Quaker State" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #72
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Jabba Huts" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #71
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Pinata Bread" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #32
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "So somebody stole my VISA card and bought a "Buttered Bunny" and a "Bee Stinger" at the Adult Toy Store. So how was your day?
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Had Problems Before
'Fat-fingered trader mistakes billions for millions' in sale that caused stock exchange slump. "At least it's not as bad as that nuclear missile that landed in Atlantic."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
By The Book!
Boy, 14, votes in General Election - wearing his school uniform. However, dog Bruno was not found on any voter list.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Missed Their Chance
Tens of thousands of voters could get £750 compensation after being turned away from polling booths in election fiasco. "That's what each voter was paid!"
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Sleaze Hits Home
Sleaze finally hits home: Jacqui Smith and a string of expenses scandal MPs lose their seats, pants.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Greece Needs Greasing
Greece admits it has overspent on its large social programs, with a national debt so large that they can never pay it back. That's why they need the EU loan.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #31
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "says that they should name a brand of Tequila after us..."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #30
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "I guess the reason I smile even when going out with a dork is that he has money..and he looks so stupid!"
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Classifieds - Suitcase Bomb
For sale, a ten kiloton C4 explosive complete with detonator and timer. Suitable for spreading anthrax or radiation. Would suit a terrorist organisation. £30. Radiation and anthrax not included.
written by IainB, 07 May 2010
Classifieds - Photo
For sale, one photo of my previous dog. It was a border collie called Shep. The dog is now dead, hence portrait no longer required. £2.
written by IainB, 07 May 2010
Classifieds - Silica Gel collection
For sale, a complete set of Ikea silica gel sachets. Three hundred in all, priced for a quick sale at £300.
written by IainB, 07 May 2010
Classifieds - 'thing'
For sale, one 'thing' not sure what it is, it's silver with a kind of dial on the side marked 1 to 10. £5 or nearest offer.
written by IainB, 07 May 2010
Optimists convention
After the success of this year's convention, we are pleased to announce we have scheduled the next five hundred annual conventions.
written by IainB, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #29
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "..well, I need to go bong the dong, catch you later....I'm back."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #28
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "It goes, 'I cried because I had no shoes and something about Shit Creek but..."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #27
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "she's one great piece of ace because I've got to enjoy..."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #26
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "..so rude to honk their car horns at the traffic light, I couldn't hear her on the phone.."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #25
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "So he calls it "Little Edward" and he sure got the first part right."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #24
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "And, since Pot Head and I are planning to get married soon...."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitch #23
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "And Jane Harrow at school says her mum doesn't realize just how big her ass is."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Galloway Loses In Poplar
Defeated by a kitten's whisker, George Galloway quits politics to spend more time impersonating animals.
written by Earl Grey, 07 May 2010
Flopping At The Polls
British Lib Dem leader casts himself as kingmaker after flopping at polls. Backers say they were embarrassed by flopping candidate. "Look like a big landed fish,'e did".
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #70
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "FCK" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant closes #69
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "O'Charley Horse" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #68
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Millers Owl House" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #67
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "The Smelting Pot" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
New Laura Bush Book
Laura Bush Admits to Sleeping Through Funeral of Friend, Honeymoon With George!
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Ky. Floods Advance
Coast Guard: Historic flooding expected in Ky. Waters near "D. Boon killed a bar heer in 1788" tree carving.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Who's On First?
'Amazing Race' host promises 'tenth' finish. I'm sorry, that should have been "tense" finish.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Mintendo Profits Drop
Nintendo profit drops for first time in 6 years as Mario steals and stores millions hidden in game.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
No CyberWar!
Is there really a cyberwar? Term might be misused. "More like 'computer clashes' says specialist.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
"Little Bit Of Neanderthal, Thyroid A Little Hypo."
You're a Neanderthal: Genes say yes - a little bit. "None here in Kansas", says Governor.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Are We Part Neanderthal
You're a Neanderthal: Genes say yes - a little bit. Probably that knuckle dragging Uncle Dingbat.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Really Horny Priests
Police: Charge 3 Brazilian priests with abuse. "It's bad enough they attacked alter boys, now it's my officers", states on captain.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Kind Of Risky
NASA picks May 14 launch for Atlantis' last flight. Thus far, no astronaut volunteers for "last Flight".
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Tom Cruise Meets Slash Backstage at Black Eye Peas Concert
whereupon he jumped up on a nearby couch, started flailing his arms and screaming "I love Slash, I love Slash!"
written by Charpa93, 07 May 2010
Cheeky Greeks!
Fears intensify about Greek crisis' impact on US. "Greeks are sodomizing the whole western world", stated one leader.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Ouch!
Researchers say that before 1800 a judge usually sentenced rapists using phrase, "Off with it's head!"
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Lexus Rating Cleared
Consumer Reports lifts Lexus "Don't Buy, You Will Die" rating.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Civil Nuke Deal Scratched?
Officials: White House reviving Russia civilian nuke deal as Russian soldiers march in McDonald's outfits.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Human Health Affected
Oil spill may endanger human health, officials say. "Some sun bathers already being leaned up by Greenpeace."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Storing Up
World's biggest beaver dam discovered in northern Canada. "We're waiting out that Mayan 2012", says leader.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
We Could Use Some Help Over Here!
Giant box close to being over oil-spewing well. Meanwhile Superman sits on his ass!
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
"It's Mine! No It Is Not!"
UK's top 2 parties locked in election standoff as two candidates try to knock each other off chair behind desk at number 10, Downing Street.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Flood Victims Beware
Officials urge flood victims to watch out for scummers. I'm sorry, that should be "scammers".
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Some Schools Reopening
Snorkeling School only school not closed in flooded Nashville area.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Probably Won't Disappear Overnight
BULLETIN! Waterlogged areas of the US Southeast remained waterlogged.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
TV Academy Awards
Shriver, Gore, Blood, Guts and Auto Chases honored by TV academy.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Bad Economic Signs
World stocks slide on Dow collapse, debt crisis, oil slick, ash from volcano, news of 1987 people who lost kneecaps during the night.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Moth Hits Grapes
Grape-loving moth, the ' Lepidoptera winebibberous' invades California's wine country.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Thai Protest Continues
Wrangling as Thai protesters refuse to quit. "What else do we have to do all day?", asks one.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
No Joke To Three-Hour Commode Sitters
E. coli forces lettuce recall; 19 ill in 3 states. "Lettuce take all of it off the grocery store shelves", puns Ohio Senator. Pelted with eggs.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Ozone Layer?
Whatever Happened to the Hole in the Ozone Layer? It's now in 20th place, behind volcano ash, Gulf oil spill, NYC Bomber and Football.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
World's Largest Beaver
World's biggest beaver discovered in Las Vegas! I'm sorry, that should be, world's biggest beaver discovered in northern Canada.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Lack Of Sleep Serious
Lack of sleep linked to early death: study. Three die spending long hours putting this together.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Check EBay
UK's top 2 parties locked in election standoff. Third party will begin holding bids for which party to support today.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Bring Your Own Barrel
BP: Giant box close to being over oil-spewing well. Free barrel of oil to everyone on shore, BYOB.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitch #22
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "They say that if you can make a cow laugh, milk will spray out of it's nose and ass."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitches #21
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: Those Greeks wouldn't be so in debt if they didn't have those Big Weddings"
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #66
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Silver Long Johns" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #65
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Leghorn's Steak, I Say, Steakhouse" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #64
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Logan's Toadhouse" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #63
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "UHOP!" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #62
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Cuddle House" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaraunt Closes #61
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Freeturds Wild Burrito" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #60
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Fresh Joyce" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #59
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Five Guys Famous Burgers & Flies" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #58
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Golden Canal" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #57
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Beans On Toast" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #56
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Jimmy's Buffet" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Adam Sandler, not Jewish?
Adam Sandler has admitted that he was brought up in the Jewish faith because his mother misunderstood when the doctors said her baby was due.
written by IainB, 07 May 2010
Scientists Say There Are People Who Are 4 Percent Neanderthal
Big Whoop! Most of us have met numerous folks who seem to be 99.9 percent Neanderthal.
written by Gail Farrelly, 07 May 2010
Voting Results Indicate Britain May Experience the First Hung Parliament since 1974
Might I see the Parliament members in my office in swimsuits immediately please?
written by Charpa93, 07 May 2010
Democrats Spend National Day of Prayer Asking for a Palin/Joe the Plumber Ticket in 2012
Democrats in Indianapolis held an interfaith service to pray for a Sarah Palin/Joe the Plumber Republican ticket in 2012. "It would assure an Obama reelection," said one Democratic supporter.
written by Lorenzo Dunning, 07 May 2010
Secondary Oil Slick Discovered In The Gulf
Chemical analysis of sea water has confirmed the oil platform, Deepwater Horizon landed on a container ship that was lost in a storm in 1984. Records list the cargo as 350,000 gallons of Jheri Curl.
written by Stump Parrish, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #55
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Howard's Johnson" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #54
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "El Cheapos" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #53
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Dolly's Dairy Queen" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #52
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Churches Pew Chicken" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Restaurant Closes #51
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Chipotle Mexican Flamefurters" Restaurant Closes.
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Dope-o-mine, says gambling industry
Study says reward centers in slot machine addicts' brains deliver dopamine whether jackpot icons line up or almost line up. Gambling industry mines dopes, supplies expensive handles to achieve effect.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitch #20
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "So THAT'S what they're calling it weenie waving? I thought it was a barbecue."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook #19
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "oh Hilda might not be the sharpest in the crayon box..."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitch #18
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "So this psycho lady, a doc, told me like I had a split personality. Then charged me $100. I gave her $50 & said good luck in collecting it from that asshole!"
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Doctors Say Man Not Idiot Savant, Just Regular Idiot
His vast knowledge of useless sports trivia, obesity, stained sweatpants, and lack of social skills fooled physicians for a brief time. Turns out he's just garden variety idiot.
written by Guy Bellefonte, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitch #17
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "Well, ratting on people, pulling some girl's hair or throwing acid in her face is wrong in some people's eyes."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
Facebook Glitch #16
Facebook glitch exposes chat messages: "Dad said that I wasn't into all this peer-pressure stuff until my friends all got me into it."
written by Bureau, 07 May 2010
