Don't Blame Bears
Due to Global Warming, Black bears hibernating instincts are off & that throws everything else off in their routines claims Al Gore after two black bears shit on his potted plants during the night.
Guess You Lose
The state of Arizona has upheld the law that all illegals must leave the state. However, outside the courthouse in Phoenix, officials were served notice by Tribal Chiefs of the Utes & Navajo.
Picasso Painting, "A Nude, Green Leaves and a Bust," sold for $106.5M
By our calculations, the buyer could have gotten a real live naked woman, several hundred plants, and a roll in the hay for about $106,498,350 cheaper.
Gulf Not To Worry
Representative from BP says that several products they have purchased from the late Billy Mays will clean that oil spill up overnight.
Bomber Once Deported
FBI: Time Square Bomber was once deported from France, Italy and Arizona.
The most overheard phrase in prisons by guards? "Well, turn about is fair play."
A well-hung parliament is the last thing the Queen needs
Regardless of how many are actually hetero....
written by queen mudder, 05 May 2010
Conservatives' plan to crap public sector pensions 'not sensible'
Could have sworn that 'cap' is spelled with an 'r'...
written by queen mudder, 05 May 2010
Rush Limbaugh No Longer Largest Oil Slick in America
He now comes in a close second to the one caused by the BP oil spill.
Bush Was Closet Green!
Former President Bush was asked why so many papers were shredded before he left office. "My administration was heavily into recycling."
Hope I'm Not Dead By Then
The National Order Of Pessimists plan to hold their annual convention in Los Angeles, if it's still there.
The Fan Hits the Shit
Local Liverpool football fan Barry Nubbins ran onto the pitch and gave a slap to that little Argentinian shit Javier Mascherano in revenge for a previous assault.
The Shit Hits the Fan
Liverpool's little Argentinian shit Javier Mascherano lashed out at local football fan Barry Nubbins during a match today and broke his spectacles.
Barry has vowed revenge.
Every Dog Has His Day
"Mine's Tuesday", said Rex
Local man Arrested in connection with Theatre Tumble
Apparently he told the injured actor to 'break a leg' immediately before the incident.
Ex-Miss Universe Sues
Ex-Miss Universe sues for losing crown because she was nude in a photo widely circulated on the internet. "I was not naked. I had my crown on."
Increased sales improve BMW market. Before this, decreased sales had led to disapproval.
Chimps Say No!
Bonobo chimps filmed shaking their head, giving camera man the NYC salute, to 'say no'.
Russian MP Abducted By Aliens
A Russian MP has asked President Dmitry Medvedev to investigate claims by a regional president that he has met aliens on board a spaceship, forced him to drink a bottle of vodka.
Newsweek For Sale
The Washington Post has announced that it is exploring the possibility of selling Newsweek magazine. Admit that placing 44 pics of President Obama in 52 issues may have pushed it a bit.
Ass Shuts Down
Scottish, Irish and Northern Irish airports shut by ass. I'm sorry, that should have been "ash".
Election On Knife's Edge
Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg are making their final day push for votes, as polls suggest the election result is on a knife edge. So let's hope they don't push too hard.
Restaurant Closes #35
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Horseapplebees" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #34
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Abominables Pizza" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #33
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "A & W Poot Beer" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #32
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Cheekers" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #31
Another victim of the bad economy, the last And last) "Shit On The Shingle, Army Surplus" Restaurant Closes.
Pizzaria Makes Pizza the Size of Delaware
Unfortunately, it is so large, it cannot fit properly into any oven and must be destroyed.
See Their Favorites
Daily fans of TheSpoof demand their own private "Reader's Desk".
Better Jailed Here Than Beheaded In Pakistan
'I was expecting you. Are you NYPD or FBI? Boom! BOOM!!' What failed Times Square bomber said as he was arrested on flight to Dubai.
Announcement Takes One Hour To Center Podium Stance
Too little (and too much) sleep can increase risk of premature death, scientist with OCD reveals.
Three Eyes, Four Breasts
Rarely-seen Picasso portrait of his mistress sold for a world-record $106.5m at auction. "She looked like an alien", stated several bidders.
Restaurant Closes #30
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Taco Hell" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #29
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Blimpies(With The Extra Wide Doors & Seats) Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #28
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Black Haggis Tubesteak House" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #27
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Shoney's Big Boners" Restaurant Closes.
Restaurant Closes #26
Another victim of the bad economy, the last "Bentagains" Restaurant Closes.
You Just Never Know!
Cameron up all night in 36-hour push for all out majority as ten in 10 voters say they could STILL change their minds.
"Idol" Challenge #3
Milli Vanilli tunes to be a challenge for 'Idol' contestants.
"Idol Challenge #2
Leon Redbone tunes to be a challenge for 'Idol' contestants.
Tiny Tim tunes will be a challenge for 'Idol' contestants!
Lohan The Porn Star
Producer: Lohan to star in movie about porn star. "She's a natural", states the director.
NYC vendors are eyes and ears, sometimes all hands, on the street.
Times Square Bomber Unraveled
Times Square bombing suspect's life had unraveled, bombed!
Just A Breather
Retail data: Consumers 'took a breather' in April as sales dropped 95%.
Nashville's famed music quieted by flooding. Old Muddy Water's song "Hoochi Coochi Man" Goes To #6.
Nashville's famed music quieted by flooding. "Cool Water" by Sons of the Pioneers reaches #5.
Nashville's famed music quieted by flooding. "Old Black Water keep On Flowing" by Doobie Brothers reaches #4.
Nashville's famed music quieted by flooding. Simon & Garfunkle's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" with banjo, goes to #3.
Nashville's famed music quieted by flooding. Johnny Horton's version of "Waterloo" climbs to #2.
Greeks Protest, Bring Gift
Police use tear gas against Greek protesters, but allow tall wooden horse to be placed near station.
Az. City Council Members Plan To Sue
2 Arizona city councils vote to sue over new law. 10 plan to sue if law changes. 5 to sue either way it goes.
Bear Stearns execs say firm's collapse unavoidable. "Should have named ourselves, "Bull Stearns" says executive.
"Four Foot High & Rising"
Nashville's famed music quieted by flooding. Johnny Cash recording "How High Is The Water, Mama?" goes to #1!
Just Like Katrina
SuperDome to contain Gulf oil, the next best solution!
Live & Let Live!
Wisconsin legalization of raw wino piss seen as benchmark.
Pig Sticker Arrested
Southern Minn. man accused of stabbing 29 pigs in jealous rage after being turned down for a date by Kirstie Alley.
Many Smell A Rat
$266 million Mega Millions ticket sold in California apparently won by state budget.
Not The Best Idea CIA Ever Had
NY car bomb suspect cooperates, but motive mystery as he blows himself up during reenactment.
See Your Doctor, Win A Suit!
Aspirin May Increase Risk of Crohn's Disease. Doctors: It's your choice, heart attack or Crohns Disease? Names yo choice, takes yo chances!
Picasso Sold To Highest Bidder
Picasso sells at NYC auction for record $106.5M. Noted artist to be dug back up next week.
Left The Kids Here & Ran Away!
US low score on world motherhood rankings but much higher in grandmotherhood rankings.
Security: We Missed Him
Security slip let suspect on plane, near takeoff loaded down with bombs, nails.
Financial Regulations Stall
Financial regulations still face delays, disputes, democracy, individual freedom.
Burning Gulf No Solution
Dome to contain Gulf oil the next best solution. Hummers lined up on shore to absorb oil, final defense.
Bomb Suspect Not Helping
NY car bomb suspect cooperates, but motive mystery as he tells police that neighbor's dog told him to do it. Dog water boarded, likes it.
Tiger Woods unfazed by Mickelson threat to number one ranking, Wilt Chamberlain's sex records.
Lady GaGa Marries Lord GooGoo
Say it with me--She becomes Lady GaGa-GooGoo