Liberals Upset About Hoarding in Tennessee
"Dolly Parton should be sharing some of her overabundance of titty with some unfortunate, lesser endowed women."
written by unknown
How To Live with Death
of an imaginary Tercel's Banded Ocelot. And then there was Kierkegaard, with his imaginary herd of eohippi, Jethro Tull with his fantasy Spectacled Cormorant, and, of course, James Joyce, who kept a giant kangaroo in his hat.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
Liberals Upset About Remake of B.J. and the Bear
Would someone please explain that no one is giving Smokey a blow job?
written by unknown
More Job Losses Imminent
It was Harry Houdini who took the art of imaginary pet-husbandry to new levels. Houdini was the first to have an imagined imaginary creature, with his imaginary Venezuelan Whooping Bat.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
Psychiatrist "Crippled" by Cheese Phobia
...a stare of imaginary barking owls was Vasco da Gama's preference. Hughie Green had a pair of bottle-nosed dolphins in his airing cupboard, whereas Victor Hugo drew comfort from an imaginary leopard that was able to change its spots at will.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
A Coypu Can Be a Friend For Life
Charles Aznavour is very attached to his imaginary Chinese water buffalo, while Joseph Bazalgette, 1858 creator of the London sewer system, kept a phantom clew of lugworms in an empty champagne jereboam.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
Poultices "Not As Effective As They Used To Be" Claims Madman
Canterford-with-Lully Mayor Abelard Siskin has scotched rumours that Erskine, after whom the proposed Erskine Memorial Gardens are named, was staying in Lully. The person in question was found to be one Rodriguez Ganty, a Corsican Sailor.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
Great Britain Now Has the Biggest Carbon Footprint in the World!
Thanks to Iceland, Great Britain now has the largest carbon footprint in the world... either that, or it has become the ashtray of planet Earth
written by IN SEINE, 16 April 2010
Home and Hearth
with Aunty Jean
Thinking of replacing that tired old sofa but not sure you can afford to? The pelt of a beloved deceased relative, properly dried and stretched, makes an original and striking throw.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
King Arthur Kept a Cat
Scorpio gender-realignment candidates will find that a tapir is a workable substitute for a favourite dexter cow. Beware of a pigeon-chested Belgian making lighthouses out of flax.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
Top Tips For Murderers
"Fairy Lights festooned about a Chairman Mao scarecrow will arouse the curiosity of many a drunk. One of my favourite lures", says Arthur Nelson, the Tramp Strangler.
written by Erskin Quint, 16 April 2010
French and Henry
In an interview, Dawn French said there was a "slim chance of reconciliation" with Lenny.
'Fat chance' more like.
written by Coops, 16 April 2010
No Mo Slow Mo
Phillips Electronics is eliminating the Slow Motion option on their hand held DVD players. Phillips insiders said it just took too long for that feature.
written by C. Cranium, 16 April 2010
Suicidal Tendencies, A Desire To Choke To Death!
Ah, yes, that's why mum's gone to Iceland!
written by Earl Grey, 16 April 2010
Obama Legacy Watch
Obama announces his plan to reform the derivative market. Hires Mr. Peabody and Sherman to take the way-back machine and stop Bill Clinton from allowing derivatives in the first place.
written by Cuff, 16 April 2010
Obama Legacy Watch
Obama announces New Deal adjusted for inflation. FDR put America to work by having one guy digging a ditch and another fill it back in. Obama plans same concept with tear-rebuild of foreclosed houses
written by Cuff, 16 April 2010
Latest Obama Math Confusion
By eliminating NASA Moon landing plan and Mars expedition Obama's regime claims over 2,500 jobs will be created. These must be additional clerks added at the unemployment office.
written by Cuff, 16 April 2010
Volcanic Ash
As Eyjafjallajokull erupts over Fimmvörduháls, spare a thought for dyslexics everywhere wishing it had been Etna
written by p.doff, 16 April 2010
UK Election Snatch-shot
I'm a gynaecologist and at the forthcoming elections I'll be voting labia.
written by Coops, 16 April 2010
Chevrolet & Toyota to Merge
Troubled carmaker, Toyota are to merge with Chevrolet; the first car to come off the production line will be called the Toyolet. The model comes complete with bucket seats and automatic wipers!
written by IN SEINE, 16 April 2010
Lack of school emphasis on spelling
leads to spells including 'good spells' and 'bad spells' at Hogwart's School for Whizardry.
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
"Steal Wire"
Metal stealing cited as fastest growing crime - source: "Hot Fuzz" magazine.
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
AIP newsflash...FDA to Ban "Natural" Foods...
An out break of death by natural causes has the FDA halting all sales and consumption of natural foods. Organic & Natural Farms will be quaranteened until chemicals and preservatives can be applied.
written by Stump Parrish, 16 April 2010
Birchers and Tea Partiers Protest Superman!
Birchers and Tea Baggers claim Superman is unfit to represent America!
written by Cal Jennings, 16 April 2010
Gordon Brown - ruled out as next Leader in favour of Clegg
but still yapping about how he's tuned into British businesses.
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
"This can't be right"
15,000 tons of HE (high explosive) found in kids sand-pit.
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
'Courage on the front line'
Labour front bench finally pluck up courage to ask Gordon Brown to pass the ketchup (aka 'red sauce').
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
'Party Animals'
Mayhem at summer fete 'best presented horse' leads to stampede for nearest (horse) exit. Said 'hource', "the horses were just looking for any excuse to hit the party circuit".
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
Frog kisses Princess
sets off Icelandic volcanoe in turn grounding UK flights and causing mayhem on fast speed trains leading to trains overshooting station platforms. Other than that, 'Top of the morning to ya".
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
Car driver who claimed cyclists are all dumb asses
Reverses over daughter's bike while she is on it, and drives away telling police later that the cyclist failed to signal.
written by Tcoah, 16 April 2010
Westboro Baptist Church To Picket Itself
Reverend Phelps has announced A protest to be held outside of The Westboro Baptist Church on Sunday. He explains that during his morning rounds of the church 2 Deacons were discovered in a closet
written by Stump Parrish, 16 April 2010
Reality Bites #1
New study indicates bitching about higher taxes doesn't change a thing.
written by Charpa93, 16 April 2010
Westboro Baptist Church Angry About Gay Hospital Visit Law
Reverend Phelps has spoken out about Obama forcing hospitals to treat gay partners as family. This means that all GOOD christians risk exposure to second hand gayness while visiting ill loved ones.
written by Stump Parrish, 16 April 2010
Kim Jong il test N. Korea's first nuclear weapon
Kim Jong il has went ahead today and tested N. Korea's first nuclear weapon. Pulmonary reports are saying the missile traveled strait up and then came strait down in turn annihilating N. Korea
written by Frog-rotta, 16 April 2010
Medical Advice Web Site
A new web site provides medical advice for constipated Democratic far left wing liberals who supported health care reform. The address is Move.Com!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Lack of Sun Spot Activity Delaying Iranian Sanctions
Scientists conclude that the lack of sun spot activity and the delay of the Obama administration in implementing new sanctions against Iran are due to the weakening of the Sun's magnetic field!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Earth Day Fun for All
At the Zero Population Growth booth, advocates will be recommending drinking raw milk, texting while driving, assisted suicides, bungee jumping, motorcycle riding and sky diving to save the planet!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Democratic Far Left Congressional Liberals are Upset
Some airlines charge for carry-on bags, liberals want to impose an unconstitutional punitive tax vice letting the market place decide! These same loons continue to tax everything so as to kill jobs.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
President Obama Promises Strong Iran Sanctions
After signing a new START Treaty with Russia, the president said "my expectation is that we will be able to secure strong, tough sanctions on Iran this spring." Didn't he say that last year?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Nutritionist Blames Food for Liberal Mentality
A noted university professor of food nutrition blames San Francisco CA's Rice-A-Roni for Democratic far left wing liberal activity. He said "House Speaker Pelosi eats five bowls per day!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Micro Organisms Cause Global Warming
Scientists are investigating the cause of the greenhouse gas methane, found in the Greenland and Antarctica atmosphere. It may be due to local micro organisms living under the Glaciers/ice sheets!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Liberals have no Problem Solving Skills
The trouble with Democratic left liberals is that they make up answers to problems! No thought is given to defining the problem & applying the scientific method to see if solutions are good or bad.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Iranian Harsh Sanctions
Israel has told Iran what they are going to do with any Iranian nuclear weapons they find. The Mossad is working on determining President Ahmadinejad's underwear size!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Global Warming Effects on Liberals & Environmentalists
Jock itch, yeast infections, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, infertility, bi-monthly periods, lesbianism, homosexuality, menopause, small boobs, STDs, body odor and being anal retentive.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Earth Day Festivities
A composting contest will be held on Earth Day amongst environmental activists. This contest may be unfair, as half the participants are already politically full of shit!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Chemistry
A Democratic far left liberal scientist discovered a new element belonging to the Earth Metals group (Boron Aluminum, Gallium, Indium & Thallium). It will be named Moron, in honor of the discoverer.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
Another EPA Warning Label
All US made toilet paper will carry the following warning label on each sheet beginning in 2011 "Use Product Carefully, in a Well Ventilated Room, as Contact is made with a Highly Toxic Substance."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2010
