Bill: Hillary Still Sexy
Former President Bill Clinton says that he's tired of hearing about Hillary being frigid. "For instance", stated Bill, "Last night she wore her crotchless pantsuit."
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Winehouse Has New Album
The latest album by singer Amy Winehouse, "Some Her Is Hear" goes Aluminum!
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Best Party College
The Minneapolis, Minnesota School for Training Rehab Staff voted best party college!
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Getting Out Of Hand
Little League toughens steroid policy after seven-year-old girl in the Peewee League hit's 450-foot grand slam home run.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Cell Phones Causing Accidents
Traffic police say that cell phones in cars is the #1 cause of accidents, more than DUI's. On the other hand, they allow a survivor to call an ambulance or priest to do last rites really quick.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Compression glitch hits Beeb roilling headline software
"Madonna's pilgrimage to Israel hits a...transsexual killer...while Honeytrap teen Samantha Joseph jailed for 10...sleaziest tourist streets in Europe". WTF.
written by queen mudder, 05 September 2009
The end is nigh! Asteroid To Hit Earth Tomorrow & Wipe Out All Life
So, you'd best get pisst tonight & end up shagging some stranger up against a wall in the dark alley behind the pub!
written by Clifford Rutley, 05 September 2009
Comic found in Blackpool!
A 'real' comedian was found in Blackpool last night. Camp funnyman Alan Carr 'turned on' the lights. "Hey look, these bulbs have taken a shine to me - they must find me a real turn-on!" he said.
written by IN SEINE, 05 September 2009
Other Than That...
President Obama says economy looking better with only one dark cloud on the horizon. "Too bad that one is mushroom shaped."
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
More Finding Jobs
Labor Department says employment increasing for real estate sales/burger flippers.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
The Warhol Code
The new movie based on the book, "The Warhol Code" hard to follow, say audience in a hurry home to heat up some soup.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
ahhhhh....AHHHH!!!
Three juveniles in NYC arrested after stretching electric fence in alley behind bar where drunks piss.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Mexico Goes Methane
Mexico announces it may go all methane gas for power. With fried beans and peppers, makes sense.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Troops Still In Iraq, Afghanistan?
President Obama: "We're fighting the enemy over there because we're too busy fighting with ourselves here to fight them here."
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
"Deep Grunt"?
New "Deep Grunt" spy in White House discloses that walls built on Mexican border actually fenced in quarantined areas for victims of Swine Flu.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
More Walking, Cycling To Work
With gas prices up again, many more walking, riding bicycles to work. Study shows increase of building healthy muscles, more heart attacks.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Pelosi, Reid Get Cheeky
Nancy Pelosi forgets herself during argument over health care and states, "We Are Borg". Admits she is Half of Ass, Reid the other half.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Japanese First Lady Embarrassed
New Japanese First Lady commits faux pas by saying she has been to Mars when everyone knows there are only men there.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Libyan Leader Denies Shenaigans and back-door diplomacy
Colonel Gadaffi, Libyan leader said today "We have never agreed to take money from Britain for oil" as he urinated on a big pile of £10 notes and took a shit on a £50.
written by Ulver, 05 September 2009
Spoof Granny fights back !
Ulver spoof-writer and guerilla Granny said today "Fuck 'em" when asked if she was bothered by recent threats from the FSA to cut off her tits and fine her for being cheeky.
written by Mann Gland, 05 September 2009
Robbie Williams finds evidence of UFOs in his toilet bowl
It was later discovered that they were just crap circles.
written by Mark Mywords, 05 September 2009
David Beckham finally achieves orgasm
David Beckham achieved orgasm today after 20 years, the incident occurred when he he stroked his bell-end and not a cycle helmet. Posh Beckham is using the issue for grout in her new Salmon Hatchery.
written by Mann Gland, 05 September 2009
Basques to vote on self-determination
Suspender belts, g-strings and a variety of other forms of erotic lingerie also demand right to vote.
written by Mark Mywords, 05 September 2009
Miss America Contest In India
The Miss America contest has been outsourced to India, which immediately banned the swimsuit competition but will have more entertainment in dresses. American males: "This is a sari state of events".
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Flowering Of Democracy
Former President of the United States, George Bush, stated that whatever anyone thought of him, he helped flower democracy throughout the world, while his predecessor only went about de-flowering.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
George Bush Accused
The Nuclear Pronouncers Of Truth have accused former President George W. Bush of nearly setting off a Nucklar war.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Gary Lineker Marries His Model Bride
His ex-wife Michelle said something plastic and lifeless will complement his personality perfectly.
written by Mark Mywords, 05 September 2009
Dyson invents Ambidextrous Tableware
Vacuum cleaner mogul, James Dyson has invented the first knife, fork & spoon set that can be used by either hand. "It's a marvel," said Dyson. Critics say he's run out of things to invent.
written by tlmedia, 05 September 2009
Jack Swede Remanded!
Alleged 'roaster' Jack Swede has today been remanded in custard. Police say he is getting his just desserts.
written by Mark Mywords, 05 September 2009
England Skipper Denies Players Go Down Easily
England 'skipper' John Terry strenuously denied that English players go down easily. His wife says he needs at least five pints before he goes down these days.
written by Mark Mywords, 05 September 2009
Rising Porn Star Lorelei On 'Hard Times'
Rising porn star Lorelei Lee has admitted that she is becoming increasingly strapped for cash.
written by Mark Mywords, 05 September 2009
Hottest On Record
This was the hottest August on record at several locations, according to Britney Spears.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Wilderness Rollbacks
New Super WalMart to be built in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming around "Old Faithful" centerpiece.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Just Using Low Gears
Snowmobiles approved for Northern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery, Antietam Battlefield.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Old Safety Myths
A UK survey has revealed that myths about contraception may be widespread. For instance, daughters being advised to hold objects between knees at all times.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Afghan Election Fraud
Further evidence has come to light of widespread fraud during the recent Afghan presidential election as midget admits he was hiding in ballot box.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
My Cheese Chunk To e4.
A leading French chess player turned up drunk, barfed on board & dozed off after just 11 moves in an international tournament in Kolkata, losing the round on technical grounds, media reported Friday.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Florida Seeks Robot
Florida boaters urged to look out for missing robot, say it could have came from outer space. Much like Governor Arnold
Schwarzenegger in appearance.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Here's, Try Tom's!
Astronauts relish space's international food court as everyone's individual recycled piss has a different flavor.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Envoys Discuss NKorea Nukes
United States, South Korea envoys discuss North Korean's nuclear claim, aim.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Oil Involved In Prisoner Release
UK official says oil was part of Lockerbie talks. "Some palms were definitely greased", states one who was there.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
The Way In San Jose
Apartments demolished to make way for new community center in San Jose. New Community center based upon older center, torn down to build the apartments.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Economy Apparently Critical
Brown to G-20: Economy at 'critical juncture'
G-20 to Brown: 'No shit!'
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Fires Creeping Back
Deadly LA wildfire creeps deeper into forest, taking out four different gingerbread houses on Friday.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Late-Night Snacks Causing Weight Gains?
Late-night snacks could pack on the pounds according to study. Apparently snacks acquire more calories as the day goes on. Specialists say eat all you can early in the day.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Lobster Wars
Lobster wars rock remote Maine island! Sharks, killer whales being hired as mercenaries.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Out Of Frying Pan
Florida Exodus: Rising Taxes Drive Out Residents. Many of the poor slobs heading for California.
written by Bureau, 05 September 2009
Can You See What It Isn't yet?
Hackney Council have decided to improve the work of graffiti artist Banksey by painting over one of his murals. The artwork which featured the Royal family was destroyed. The Queen was not amused.
written by IN SEINE, 05 September 2009
The Answer is: "He Often Puts The Cart Before the Horse."
The question is: "How can you tell if your Amish teenager is using drugs?"
written by Adam Click, 05 September 2009
North Korean Foreign Policy
Former UN Ambassador John Bolton had cautioned Presidents Clinton and Bush about NK's Kim Jong il's intentions. Both were uckered by Kim! Now the NK leader has uckered President Obama twice!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 September 2009
CIA Hearing gets Somewhat Testy
During a recess of a congressional hearing on the CIA, House Speaker Pelosi referred to the agency as the Castrated Intelligence Agency. CIA Director Panetta mused; I guess you would know "Madam!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 September 2009
