Post Natal Birth Control Key To Obama Health Plan. Objections Expected.
Parents get $1,500 cash for every child they "neutralize." Defending the controversial idea, Obama said," Reducing the population is the best way to control health costs."
Limit = 8 per family.
written by tlmedia, 04 September 2009
President Alerts CIA
CIA alerted as President Barack and wife, Michelle Obama awaken to find John Kerry's Horsehead at bottom of their bed.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Chernobyl Virus Worse Than Swine Flu
FDA warns that the Chernobyl virus could be worse than the Swine Flu this fall and winter because no vaccine is currently available for it. Victims get deformed and then melt.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Larry Craig Amendment
Senator Larry Craig introduces new bill in congress that says, "It is no one's business but their own if someone wants to shoot something into their ass." I guess the guy really loves sports.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Colonel Juan enters top twenty and we are all amused!
Colonel Juan crashes the top twenty Spoof hitparade, astonished, established Spoof writers scratch their heads after having their "lights punched out by Juan", proof that no taste is good taste!
written by unknown
Might Have Foreseen That
Although new aluminum beer bottles kept beer colder longer, they are being discontinued. Most beer drinkers thought it made beer taste like it was from aluminum cans.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Fish Pollution
Study shows that one in three U.S. lakes contain polluted fish. Most US environmentalists blame huge whiskey spill on Lake Superior by the Kennedy Fitzgerald.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
"It Was Shaped Like A Teacup"
British government officials say they may reveal more secret UFO files soon. When? That's still a secret.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Hard To Figure
New spin-off movie, "Crop Circles On Elm Street" off to really rough start, even with Paul Reubens starring in it.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Chaos Theory Meeting Ends In Chaos
Chaos Theory convention ends up in each theorist group going their own separate way, turning over cars and setting trash cans on fire!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
No Raises?
Baby boomer generation first time social security checks may not get a raise. Viet Vets considering Boomer jihad.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
"Dos! Cinco! Veintidos! Hike! Hike!"
National Football League Union Spokesman tells players that they must unite to protect their jobs from falling into the hands of cheap foreign labor.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Border Guard Fired
US Drug Enforcement fires border guard after he let 20 mules into US. "They claimed the mules were for making a commercial for Borax", states guard.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Ambassador Sacked
Britain's ambassador for schools in Europe sacked over child porn charges, thrown into river.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Junior Secret Agent Let Go
Secret agent let go because he refuses to accept senior officer's cod word, a privilege for senior right. "It was 'Bosco'", stated fired agent.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
They Started It
Binmen refused to empty fortnightly recycling box containing a maggot 'because it is livestock', so customer places dead cow in domestic wheelie bin.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Court Doesn't Know If Coming Or Going
Killer and attempted rapist getting NHS sex-change wins 'human rights' battle to be moved to women's prison. Then asks for NHS sex-change reversal.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Hint To Performers: Babalu Boy?
In Havana, Cuba, the song "Babalu" by Dezi Arnaz makes it 56th year in a row in the top ten, second only to Ireland's "Danny Boy".
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
One In Every Hundred
Study: About one in every hundred people faces being diagnosed with schizophrenia at some stage in their life, and I'm afraid that it's me they're talking about.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Ya'll Home?
In Little Rock, Arkansas, not many children conceived in campers, but don't bother knocking, anyway. Just give them a shout!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Hitler's Bodyguard
Brigitta Jacob-Engelken: My father was Hitler's bodyguard. He made sure Adolf wasn't shot until he finished shooting himself in the head six times.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Plans In Afghanistan
Gordon Brown has said Britain and its allies' aims in Afghanistan were "realistic and achievable" in a speech defending their strategy. Of course, those aims change daily."
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
That's What It Says
Two Bangladeshi newspapers have apologised after publishing an article taken from a satirical US website which claimed the Moon landings were faked and that The Chupacabra Finally Caught!
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Bernanke Lowers Interest
Fed Chairman Bernanke lowers interest rate once again as he tells audience that fall TV shows not worth watching.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Wait Till They Come Down
US jobless rate at 26-year high. Counselors at Unemployment Offices tell them to sober up, then come back.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Large thighs may protect heart
New research suggests that fat thighs can be used in an emergency to stop a speeding bullet.
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Replace By "Humor In Hemorrhoids"
After receiving over 10,000 threats, Reader's Digest decides to drop its "Humor In Uniform" section until Iraq, Afghanistan troops back home.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Lance Armstrong busts bike on environment charity ride.
Organisers insist he must re-cycle it.
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Competition to name the latest neck wear fashion reaches stalemate.
Organisers declared it a tie.
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Elton John helps world's oldest man blow out his birthday candles
"I knew I could do it with one big puff!"
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Rich Frog Prince Snuffs It
"I knew it wouldn't be long before he croaked," said his new Danish wife, Ms Elaine Goldigga (36-26-36).
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Potato princess' wedding plans quashed by father
Said the King of the Potato People: "I'm not having my child marry Gary Linekar - a lowly common tater!"
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Rabbits Next?
Cat cloning going great in South Korea is encouraging to cat lovers everywhere, because it's so difficult to get cats to mate.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Kerry Frustrated
John Kerry back early from fishing trip as Swift Boat Veterans were already at his secret stop.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
New Bush Book
Author of new book about George W. Bush states that Bush always wanted everyone to like him. He just wasn't very good at it.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Ironmonger makes world's largest spoon
"It's causing quite a stir," said factory owner, Ian Ronballs.
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Police investigate following murder at a wig factory
"We'll be combing the area for clues," commented PC Plod, head of the investigation.
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Police recover largest drugs haul ever
A spokesman commented: "Hey, that's not to be sniffed at!"
written by Mark, 04 September 2009
Crane Operator Arrested
Crane operator arrested in downtown Chicago, Illinois this morning for trying to pick up women.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Michael Jackson Flies Away
Michael Jackson finally sprouts wings and leave container. "This explains all those earlier changes he went through", says family member.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Police Catch Demented Tree Surgeon
Duluth, Minnesota police finally capture demented tree surgeon before he can cut off any more limbs. Case being studied close by Stephen King.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Carter In Hospital
Jimmy Carter in mental hospital. Apparently can't get his favorite old Carter Family song, "Wildwood Flower" out of his head. Other say he sang about "waving black hair" even in his sleep.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
H&R Block Twidling Thumbs
H&R Block reports loss for 1Q due to many having little income to report. Block reminds them that unemployment checks are taxable.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Economy Improving Being Celebrated
Improving economy not likely to lower jobless rate, keep people out of poverty, prevent huge bonuses to CEO's, lower taxes. In fact, have little effect at all. Just thought we'd mention it.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
"One Of These Days! Bang! Zoom!"
Orbiting junk expected to pass near space station. Remains of Alice Kramden zooms by on the way to the moon.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
NKorea Issues Glowing Report
A glowing North Korean spokesman says uranium program near completion.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Jackson Finally Buried.
Guest says that many wept during Jackson's California funeral, especially those owed money.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Hidden Pockets Near Empty
Hidden pockets of elderly said to be in poverty. Pockets are empty because of high costs of food and medicine and raising grandchildren parents have neglected.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
Eating Late at Night Can Cause Weight Gain
Rocket scientists claim that late night eating cause weight gain. However, it can help in weight loss as one woman who visited her fridge nightly, got so fat, that she could no longer open the door.
written by norma snockers, 04 September 2009
Ted Kennedy Shows Remorse About Chappaquiddick in New Book
"I really loved that car."
written by unknown
He Said "What!"
President Obama, reviewing the draft US House & Senate Health Care bills said "What!" Instead of saying "What" after Congress said "How", the president should have said "What" before they began work.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 September 2009
Palace Politics
House Speaker Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Reid are in a pissing contest over the public option of health care reform. Doesn't the Speaker realize she is playing in a "Make Believe Ballroom?"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 September 2009
More Space Junk
Environmental groups plan to launch themselves into low earth orbits to clean up other orbiting space junk, using brooms and dustpans. The program is called operation "Smutz!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 September 2009
Health Care Construction
The Obama Administration approach to health care reform is like a building trade's apprentice. The novice first paints the sheetrock panels, glues them to the concrete walls and then sells the studs.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 September 2009
Half a Loaf is Better than no Loaf
A union rejected a deal the company needed to keep the plant open and not move jobs to another locality. As the moving vans arrived, the union scheduled another vote on wage and benefit concessions.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 September 2009
CEO Earned Huge Bonus
Companies say that since their CEO's were the ones to help them avoid taxes by finding an off-shore outlet to hide their profits, he deserves his $10 Million bonus.
written by Bureau, 04 September 2009
