Spoof writer NickFun claims that snippets do not offer enough space
Spoof writer NickFun insisted today that the Spoof's snippet section is too small. "I want more snippet space!" Fun declared. Spoof editor Mark Lowton said "Tell Fun to go fuc
written by NickFun, 03 September 2009
He's A Pro Already
Short-sheeted two-hour struggle earns Danny D. Deweese his first of many Dork Boy Scout badges.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
50-Cent Stamp?
There may be a fifty-cent stamp coming soon, as the US Post Office is debt over $700 million. Most people say it's their slow service. For instance, Al Gore received two more votes in Florida today.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Japanese Sex Robot Here
The Japanese today released a statement that they have completed their sex-robot and will be on sale for holidays for only $5,000. Both Tipper Gore and Bill Clinton have already said no thank you.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Conditions In Iraq Described as "Appalling"
63 Hackney families apply for council exchanges.
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
Grouchy Barmaid Flummoxed
Punter asked for a pint of beer with a slice of lemon. Claimed that the lemon was the only thing behind the bar with a peel.
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
What An Idea
Poppy grower says he knows people may die from the heroin he grows but if he doesn't grow heroin, his family will starve to death. "Of course, I guess we could just grow food. Hey guys, come here."
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Bunch Of Dopes
Doping agents wake up Lance Armstrong at home. Armstrong asks them to leave until they're clean and sober.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Hard For Two To Do
Report: Small businesses benefit from working together as six of them are shown here, scratching each others back.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Wolf Season In, Call Cheney
Wolf hunting now legal but still controversial. This is especially so among the wolves themselves.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
No More MJ Jokes For Me
Seventy days after his sudden death, Michael Jackson will be interred in what may or may not be his final resting place Thursday evening. However, he now has fangs.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Watching On The Home Front
Homeland Security warns Americans to keep up guard against potential terrorism. While your neighbor is away, peak into his house and report anything suspicious, like atomic bombs.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Building Company In Court Case Overreaching Deadline
Rome wasn't built in a day, says Italian building firm. Judge asks for more time.
written by DaddyMothership, 03 September 2009
They're Already Organized
Organized crime in Chicago say they are already planning on helping Barack Obama win the presidency again in 2012. Did I say organized crime? I meant organized labor of course.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Nader's Wit
Politician Ralph Nader admits that his father was from Venus, Mom from Mars. "No wonder I'm all screwed up", jokes Late Night TV's favorite target.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
You Deacons Carry Him Out
After judge rules small town in Tennessee to take down Ten Commandments at school after attorney's complaint, local churches ban all politicians from their church as that would violate church & state.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Spin Doctors Unite
Spin doctors from both the Clinton and Bush administrations have combined their talent to offer services for cash from local politicians over the internet's "Spin & Smarty"
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Back From Working Vacation
President Obama returns from working vacation. "My colon is clean and I'm ready to roll", he tells reporters.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Ghost Ship Mate Flees Russia
Man who told the world that 'ghost ship' Arctic Sea was missing flees Russia in fear of Moscow's revenge. "I ain't afraid of no ghosts, but the KGB? Yes!"
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Attention High School Dropouts!
Study: The average high school dropout earns only half as much on unemployment checks as do those who graduated from college.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Strike Three, Summer Is Out!
Kiss the sunshine goodbye: Summer ends in a hurry as Britain is battered by torrential rain, high winds and a visit from Hillary Clinton...the Tri-Whammy!
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Sounds Right To Me
NHS doctors are prematurely ending the lives of terminally ill patients, experts warn today. Meanwhile, US President out to promote similar health care here.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Twice Normal Birth Rate
Baby boom Britain: The English town of Twin Cities, where the birth rate is the same as Bangladesh, now twice the rate of the rest of England.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
UK First, Last
OECD: UK's will be last major economy to recover. However, it will be the very first to enter the next one.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
No Virgins For You!
Suicide bomber running into back of previously exploded cars sets off bomb, killer driver, ten buzzards.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Le Tissier In Field Of Dreams?
Football legend Matthew Le Tissier admits his part in attempted £10,000 betting scam. May be sentenced to ten years in cornfield with 1919 White Sox, there for throwing World Series.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Tom DeLay to wear assless chaps on Dancing With the Stars.
It has been confirmed that former Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay will wear assless chaps while kicking up his heels to "YMCA" on the first show of the new season of "Dancing With the Stars."
written by anchochilly, 03 September 2009
Misch Recalls Hitler
92-year-old Rochus Misch shows photos he had taken 60 years ago. There are colour images of Misch in SS uniform at Hitler's home in the Alps, pics of Hitler staring at rabbits, talking about George.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Venetian Blinds A Myth
Stats show less blind people reside in Venice than majority of European Cities.
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
Portsmouth FC To Get New Stadium
It will be an exact replica of the old one. In the same place. In the traditional style.
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
SF Man Quits Sex Industry Cleaning Job
"If they'd given us rubber gloves it might have been a different story" he remarks.
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
Superstar Turned Down For Job
Soul singing legend Stevie Wonder revealed that he was once turned down for a job...as a chauffeur...
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
Muhammad Ali's First Irish Connection...
...was a right hook to the jaw of Jerry Quarry.
written by Skoob1999, 03 September 2009
Steinbrenners Called To Commissioner's Office
New York Yankees clone of Babe Ruth, Bob Ruth, hits first home run through car's windshield that was going over the Brooklyn Bridge, after singling through the shortstop the first time up.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Couldn't Run In Them, Though!
Major League baseball said to be cracking down on what players may wear on the field after White Sox new outfits have knees three inches below shoulders, allowing 56 walks last night.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Players Fell Asleep
Inventor of the original "Pong" TV game says that its downfall came with people purchasing large screen TV's, which gave players too much time to return ball.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Disney In Baghdad?
Disney rumored to be opening a new Theme Park in Baghdad. "We'll have the biggest fireworks display in the world", says spokesperson.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Can You Hear Me Now?
Scientists say that the U.S. attention span has shortened considerably in the last...Helloooo, still with me? Helloooo!
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Where Were You?
Where were you when war was declared on Nazi Germany 70 years ago today? Most common answer: "In bed with the missus enjoying me last days before going into the military."
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Ancient Wall Discovered
A 3,700-year-old wall has been discovered in east Jerusalem, Israeli archaeologists say. May have divided East & West Beersheba.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Black Holes Bigger
Giant black holes just got bigger, say astronomers. They plan to rename these Colossal Black Holes!
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Ali In Ireland
Muhammad Ali visited the town in Ireland where his great-grandfather, Patrick Murphy O'Ali was born, and thousands of people lined the streets to greet him.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
SEC Bungled Probes
SEC bungled Madoff probes, agency watchdog says. Have hired cellmates to make up the difference.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
ET Burned Home?
Spacewalk still on despite approaching space junk, ship with ET hurrying to California to see if home burned.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Apparently No Real Debates
Obama aims to take control of health care debate. Will allow no one at meetings that doesn't support him.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Jackson Buried With Harlow, Gable
Michael Jackson will rest in a cemetery's Great Mausoleum with Hollywood stars including Clark Gable, Jean Harlow and W.C. Fields. Although, with a sighing "Ah Yes!" Fields left for a different area.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Loggerheads At Risk
Report: Loggerhead turtles at risk of extinction. PETA admits that "You just can't get anything through to these stubborn idiots!"
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Manson Follower Ill
Ill Manson follower Susan Atkins denied parole although Gaddafi says she's welcome to come to Libya.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
American Apparel VS. Immigrants
American Apparel to sack migrants with no papers, Migrants say pants so tight there's no room for papers.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
What Else Was In That Package?
Joe Biden: Stimulus projects moving faster than expected, as people run amok on big city streets.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
"A Picnic Of A Movie!"
The first new combination movie coming out after Disney's purchase of Marvel Comics? "Ant Man Bites Goofy On The Ass"
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
But No Superpowers
Powerful Indian politician killed in even more powerful helicopter crash.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Pfizer Pays For False Ads
Pfizer to pay record $2.3B penalty for drug promos with warnings about four-hour erections while taking Viagra, when there has not been one single case.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
Recession Bottowing Out?
Further evidence points to the recession bottoming out, but Fed Chairman, Bernanke says it's not really bottomed out until J-Lo sings.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
You Are What You Eat
New study reveals that you really are what you eat. So i you are obese, they recommend getting rid of all those lardass sandwiches in the fridge.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
First Things First
Returning from vacation, President Obama went right to "first things first" and made 100% sure Michelle had the correct haircut.
written by Bureau, 03 September 2009
"Discovery" Discovers Space Junk
NASA monitoring debris from European Ariane rocket moving in vicinity of international space station and Shuttle Discovery. Astronauts note warning: "If you can read this, you are too close."
written by The San Francisco Onion, 03 September 2009
The Donald Has Spoken
Choreographer's claim Donald Trump personally selects finalists in Miss Universe Pageant ignites controversy. In his defense, Trump thought he was not only in charge of Pageant, but entire Universe.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 03 September 2009
Side effects may include...
Pharmaceutical giant fined $2.3 Billion for giving kickbacks to health-care providers to prescribe unapproved drugs with sometimes deadly side effects. Company CEO says, "You're killing me over here!"
written by The San Francisco Onion, 03 September 2009
Not part of his diet
Disgusting blob in can of diet soda found by Florida man was probably gutted frog or toad, said Food and Drug Administration. Man files suit, claims soda contained far more than 0 calories.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 03 September 2009
Negotiating Skills
Speaker Pelosi thinks negotiating is a zero-sum game. She won't believe everyone should walk away from the table with something; wait till she has to negotiate with real hard nosed women politicians.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 September 2009
Water, Water Everywhere but Where Needed
Speaker Pelosi asks for $250 billion so environmentalists can bring water to the moon and save a tiny microbe. Back on earth, there still is no water for growing crops in the Central Valley of CA.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 September 2009
Orbiting Space Shuttles to get Trees
Environmentalists ask NASA to plant trees on the sunny side of the Space Shuttles. They say these trees will reduce global warming by blocking the Suns rays from hitting the Earth and absorb CO2.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 September 2009
Change of Address
High ranking SEC officials involved in the Madoff case, including the enforcement director and the head of the inspections office have left the agency. They are now living in the Grand Cayman Islands.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 September 2009
