Thongs For Dongs!
Emergency Room staff let the cat out of the bag on how they get longer-than-4-hour erections down. "We show them a poster of Rosie O'Donnell in a thong."
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Never Came Back Up
Experiment of six monkeys going over Niagra Falls in a barrel goes wrong. "At least they died laughing", says scientist in charge.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
100 MPG Car
New two-person 100 MPG car to be out in 2011 and cost only $8,000. Be sure to watch for the Nissan Nader Tater.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Water Found On Surface Of Moon
Which brings astronauts one step closer to drinking radioactive water.
written by Nik Voelz, 24 September 2009
Iran Demands Enriched Uranium
Iran wants enriched uranium for 'medical purposes'. Only Israel having nuclear "medicine" a pain in the ass.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Playing The Horses Healthy
New report says that seniors who play the horses live to be five years older. Report conducted by The Belmont Stakes Institute of Higher Learning.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
CNN Doc Sick
CNN doctor says H1N1 made him sickest ever! "Even worse that when George Bush won that second term!"
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Sex Tape "Doctored"
The United States calls purported Russia sex tape of nurse and diplomat playing in the nude as 'doctored'.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
He Doesn't Exist
Israeli PM Netanyahu took aim at Iran President Ahmadinejad & his "terrorist" regime, deploring Ahmadinejad's "anti-Semitic rants that the Holocaust is a lie.""Ahmadinejad: Did I hear someone speak?"
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Another Recovery Sign?
Fed Chairman Bernanke points out the sudden rising of the nation's black market.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Carter Finally Cracks
Jimmy Carter taken away to private hospital after telling reporters that Barack Obama was prejudice concerning his remarks about the President.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
UN Punked!
Willie Nelson says the UN was punked yesterday. That WAS Bob Dylan posing as Gaddafi. Real Gaddafi in Tripoli at Willie Nelson concert, crying over blue eyes in the rain.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Too Many Speeches Lately?
Obama Administration acknowledges that the economy is a "Mixed Bag" right now, kind of like a box of chocolates.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Cracking Under Pressure
In a new book, former President Bill Clinton said he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky because he "cracked under pressure." Lewinsky then told reporters "same thing here!"
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
GOP Listens To Gadhafi
Libyan Leader Gadhafi was at the U.N. yesterday, giving a speech that was extremely long and rambling. Several republicans were hastily copying notes, say it will make for the best filibusters ever.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Iranian President speaks to the UN, and they all walk out!
The Iranian president adressed the UN today, within 5 seconds the assembly was empty, so he continued on his knees alone, speaking to Allah!
written by unknown
Obam snubs Gordon and Gordon cries!
Obama has purposely snubbed GB's Gordon Brown, he's sick of jumping in bed with the Brits and fancies a bit of "Brown Russian Bear" instead!!
written by unknown
Biden Hiden'
A totally-rebuilt-by Halliburton, Dick Cheney, spotted roaming around his old undisclosed location, stamping turtles.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Schwarzenegger Responds To Critics!
Schwarzenegger asked about his mistakes replies: I blame my prolonged exposure to the scarcity of nitrogen in the atmosphere of this puny solar satellite. It has warped my auditory capacities, also!
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Can't Help Himself
VP Joe Biden says he can't help himself. "Every time I hear Musharraf's name, I begin singing 'There's Whiskey In The Jar'"!
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Putin? Prez Is On Tour! Call Detroit
President Obama's Hip Hopping Health Care Tour to do 100 American cities in the next three months.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
It's A Wipeout!
Sheriff, deputies in Cobler Knob, Tennessee wiped out of office after suffering from Swine Flu, trick brownies.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Father Concerned About Kid's Friend
Local father concerned when his little league son allows ball to go by him and claims he thought his invisible friend, Mr. Pudd, had it.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
UN Really, Really Warns Iran
The United Nations have agreed to a more stern message to Iran to stop nuclear build-up, using big bold capital letters!
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Who Or What Is That?
No one recognizes Don King after he forgets to stick finger into electrical outlet before leaving his house.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Let's Celebrate My Friend!
Man who wins $100,000 for best Black & White photo of "Bum Asleep On Sidewalk" goes back and buys him a cup of coffee.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
The UN, It Is A-Changing!
The first day of the meeting of the UN General Assembly was dominated by three men. Iran's Ahmadinejad, US President Obama and either Libya's Gaddafi or Bob Dylan, it was hard to tell (& understand).
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Obama Nose InThe Air Again
Brown denies President Obama snub. "He gives everyone that haughty look", explains aid.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Naked Came The German Hikers
Nude Germans want right to roam but denied at present, although beekeeper says they can come by trail around his place anytime.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Al-Qaeda Prisoners Escape
Sixteen members of al-Qaeda in Iraq have escaped from a prison north of Baghdad, Iraqi security officials say, by telling guard, "Look there! It is Saddam's ghost!"
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Pun Not Appreciated
Lada Carmaker to cut 27,600 jobs. "That's a lada jobs", joked one who still had a job, until torn to bits.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Kenyans Grounded?
The US has threatened to impose travel bans on 15 senior Kenyan officials if they fail to support the country's "reform agenda", including Air Force One!
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Destroy Nuclear Weapons With Nuclear Weapons?
At the G-20 conference last night, the destruction of all nuclear weapons was discussed. Israel volunteered to help get it started by blowing up those in Iran.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Obama's G-20 Screw-Up
President Obama talked for over an hour at the G-20 conference about health care before he remembered his audience and quickly demanded that everyone destroy nuclear weapons.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Northern Exposure On Sesame Street
Sarah Palin, Mr. Moose from old Captain Kangaroo make guest appearance on Sesame Street.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
It's Too Late Now
Barack Obama's biggest mistake during his first eight months in office? "I should have had Billy Mays record a message for health care plan."
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
West On Something
Kanye West arrested after interrupting Barack Obama speech yesterday to tell everyone Beyonce is in Malaysia.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Who Would Have Guessed?
The new "Health Care Late Night Show" with Barack Obama's first guests to be people without health care.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Fewer Attacks Already
In a desperate move to save money, more colleges firing half of campus police, admitting more butt-ugly students.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Several Lost In Commodes Already
Newest Apple iPods designed just for nudists and fit into ass with complete comfort, but advise removal before sitting.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Sure To Sell Big
Store launches underpants for left-handed men, special cone hats for pin-headed politicians.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Kennedy Refusal
Mass. governor set to name Ted Kennedy successor. Kennedy spokesman says the late Senator is in no condition to succeed anybody.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
New Vote Needs To Be Immediate
Afghan official gives 2-week window for new vote or the runner-up may as well be shown the door.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Nuclear-Free World?
UN to give big boost to nuclear free world. China says they gave theirs up years ago.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Beyonce Tones Down Performance
Beyonce won't be 'naughty girl' at Malaysia show. Plans to "keep her head" and not do anything stupid.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Naked Hope Diamomd
Famed and feared Hope Diamond is displayed naked. Those in room break out in hives.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Obama Seeks Balance
Obama asks more economic balance from G-20 nations. "If ten of you would sit on this side of the room and nine and myself on the other, we'd have a better balance."
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Sugababes Line Up Backstabbing Implied
But nobody really gives a damn anyway.
written by Skoob1999, 24 September 2009
Feds Still Not Welcome
The FBI is investigating the hanging death of a U.S. Census worker near a Kentucky cemetery & a police official said the word 'fed" was scrawled on the dead man's chest. "At least he had a last meal."
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Bears On Pot
The US is warning that large amounts of marijuana are now grown in federal park lands. They first noticed the problem when a large group of bears were caught listening to old Grateful Dead records.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Obama Everywhere
Political experts are now telling President Obama that he is giving so many interviews and appearing on so many television shows, no one listens. However, another said he was pretty good on Monk.
written by Bureau, 24 September 2009
Iranian Ladies Fashions
Mullahs upset over curvy mannequins showing ladies fashions in shop windows. Starting today, dummies looking like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will display ladies tight jeans, low-cut tops & strapless dresses.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 September 2009
United Nations Custodial Staff Complaints
After Muammar Al-Khadafi spoke at the UN, the custodial crew had to clean up the poop on the dais. They asked "why couldn't it all wait until after Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's speeches?"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 September 2009
Return to Sender
TV host Mailman thinks he's a political pundit. Actually, he lacks sufficient postage on his partisan package to send it anywhere.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 September 2009
