Dreaded That Part
Boy George said yesterday that the worst part of community service in New York City was putting the morning bodies into body bags.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Family Releases Statement
Family whose son was accidentally shot by police in gang war just wish to be left to themselves even though they realize there's a story, maybe a great movie here, according to press agent.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
China Recalls Nuclear Weapons
China recalls nuclear weapons from Venzezuela after North Korea's tenth rocket falls into the ocean. "These could come back to haunt us", says Chavez.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
He Not Look So Sexy In Cow Shit!
Angry French farmers have dumped millions of liters of fresh milk to protest low prices, cry hundreds of liters of tears. Told by Sarkozy that it was no use crying over it, hit by cow shit!
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Lots Of Trees Wasted
President Obama says that not passing his social insurance plan is making global warming much worse, mostly from all those fires burning up all the 3,000-page bills.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
One Bad Apple
Officials who allowed crazed killer to escape at county fair stated that all 23 of the other crazed killers came back to the bus right on time.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
These Pirates Are Mean
Drunken fight at Somali bar leads pirate to cut off other pirate's wooden leg, only he had no wooden leg. Does now.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
They're All Nuts Here
Man who died at insane asylum was only trying to tell the police and doctors that he was allergic to nuts and couldn't talk plain, says allergy specialist.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
"Sock It To Me!"
Florida man set to wear his new see-through swimming trunks forgets and places "Nike Sock" rolled up in front.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Like A Dong In The Ocean
North Korea launched yet another dong missile that has landed in the ocean. Kim asks that next attempt will use dong missile enhancements.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Pirates An Endangered Species
Greenpeace announced this morning that they are placing Somali pirates on endangered species list, at least until one of their ships is released.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
A Tasteless Snippet
"We are all capable of "hearing" shapes & sizes & perhaps even "tasting" sounds", states Scientist. "I know I've tasted some farts after hearing them", says one member of the crowd.
"Nearly choked!"
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Driver Cheats Death
Driver cheats death by leaping out of car seconds before it careers into path of speeding train. Grim Reaper pisses it's robe.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Queen Needs Queens
Scotland Yard advertises for 'gay, lesbian or transgender' bodyguards for the Queen. Also, several other queens would be nice.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Autism Helps Population Explosion
One in 100 adults has autism, claims new study. On the bright side, psychiatrists say people "living in their own world" could help with the population explosion.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Garden Stolen
Couple return home to find their garden has moved next door. Neighbors say they say a strange object and mysterious lights in the sky overnight.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Better Pay Up!
Builders go on wrecking spree of £450,000 luxury farmhouse in 'revenge act', dentist replants bad teeth, surgeon replaces bad appendix over unpaid bills
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Brown Refuses
Top law officer Baroness Scotland is FINED £5,000 for employing illegal immigrant - but Brown refuses to sack her.
"I will not have sex with that woman!"
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Same sex partnership
Young boy from a same sex partnership questioning what a lesbian is, is told to "ask your father, she'll know"
written by Steddyeddy, 22 September 2009
Hammerheads Not Dumb
Scientists now say that hammerhead sharks are not the dumb sea creatures previously thought. "They're just plain old stubborn!", says study.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Taliban Accuse American Freedoms
Taliban say that all American freedoms are from the devil. Well, perhaps not the one about carrying guns.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Where's The Bathroom?"
Coffee now found to be a rich source of antioxidants say doctors while hopping up and down. Also, pee.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
A Vicious Cycle
A dose of alcohol may be a good treatment for people with head injuries, emergency doctors suggest to those who received head injuries during driving while drunk.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Study Blames Golden Oldies
Study blames huge number of baby-boomers, so many quitting cigarettes, as causing crisis in Social Security, Medicare. "Average lifespan growing to fast."
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Jump-Start Unnecessary
Bid to jump-start climate talks sets off earthquake, tsunami. Leaders told to ease more into climate talks.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Clinton: Paterson A Good Man
Former President Clinton calls Paterson 'good man'. "Too bad we have to stab him in the back, but that's politics."
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Another Loner
Rapper accused in Va. slayings described as loner, after killing everybody that got close to him.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Census On Gays
Census: 150,000 gay couples report they're either married or in divorce proceedings.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
No Peace Talks
Mideast summit unlikely to relaunch peace talks. "More likely to launch insults, rockets", say experts.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Mars Not Always Red
Mars was not always red, according to a new theory for how the planet took on its characteristic ruddy hue. Just embarrassed over what's been going on here on earth.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
House Moves Again
House moves to extend unemployment benefits, hop again to the left during earth tremor.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Lots Of Changes
Creeks turn into surging rivers in Southeast, then surging rivers turn into raging oceans, Al Gore into grinning idiot.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Several Daring Returns
Zelaya's daring return reignites Honduras crisis! Same thing for Yasser Arafat, Golda Meir's sudden return to Middle East.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Obama Seeking Support
Obama seeking G-20 support to repair global economy, has been listening to old commercials of Billy Mays.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Thurston Howell V to recreate voyage of the S S Minnow.
Explorer Thurston Howell V and grandson of Thurston Howell III will retrace the fateful voyage of the SS Minnow. Howell plans to also chart the exact location of Gilligan's Island.
written by anchochilly, 22 September 2009
Renault to blame for stock market crash
Errrmmm, that's all I have, folks!
written by neilwatson, 22 September 2009
Klum on Seal: the noise
The Spoof cornered heavily-pregnant Heidi Klum on the red carpet recently. Our roving reporter asked: "Is it Seal's?" The model replied: "No, the scan showed it's a human baby, and there's only one."
written by neilwatson, 22 September 2009
Combating Apathy Course
The course on combating apathy has been abandoned due to a lack of enrolment for the coming academic year. And even if people had enrolled, nobody had made the effort to find a lecturer.
written by IainB, 22 September 2009
Lord of the single ladies
The Tolkien Estate sued Beyonce yesterday, claiming they own the original rights to the concept of "putting a ring on it."
written by BCShow, 22 September 2009
The ultimate showdown
Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford to face off in Spike's first ever "Most Badass Old Dude Competition."
written by BCShow, 22 September 2009
Madoff Broke, Pregnant
Bernie Madoff is broke, in a cell with a giant. "I never thought this would happen to me in my wildest dreams", he says in letter to Penthouse.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
Missile Defense System
Polish and Czech leaders were not initially told of the new US strategy for short range missile defense. It is a missile having a pork Kilbasa or klobása warhead, to negate any Iranian missile threat.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 September 2009
Bernanke In Switzerland
Fed Chairman Bernanke says economy on it's way to bouncing back. He made the statement from Switzerland where he will remain for two years checking on American depositors who owe taxes or whatever.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
International Poker Game
A group of international high stakes poker players has invited President Obama to sit in on their next game. Based on the president's dealings with Iran and Russia, he better bring his checkbook.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 September 2009
The Place is Bugged
How do the Russians always know what the Iranian pretender President Ahmadinejad is thinking? Moscow has planted a bug up his butt!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 September 2009
PETA Sues Nathan's
PETA tried to sue Nathans and all the July 4th hot dog eating contestants from 2002 through 2009 for willful destruction of cows. The judge threw the frivolous lawsuit out citing udder contempt.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 September 2009
Wow! Just WOW!
A new book on Nostradamus will be coming out on July 3rd, 2010 at 10:05AM Central Standard Time, just as Nostradamus predicted.
written by Bureau, 22 September 2009
