School Secretary Ed Balls To Change Name By Deed Poll.
Wishes to be known as Ed Fuckup from now on.
written by Blazing Saddle, 20 September 2009
South African Athletics Federation Leader Admits "Error"
Confesses - "I didn't go to Specsavers"!
written by Blazing Saddle, 20 September 2009
South African World Record Holder Confirmed - She's A Girl!
Her father, Fatima Whitbread says so.
written by Blazing Saddle, 20 September 2009
Two Days Of Ambulance Runs
Police in Orlando, Florida say that whoever came up with a convention for the accident-prone must have been crazy.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Glad That's Cleared Up
Auto dealers stated yesterday that they should have been able to sell "Clunkers" traded in & that it was a waste. "Clunkers are only a step below "Used" and two steps below "Pre-owned" stated one.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Lincoln's Oprah Address
Michelle Obama's mother claims that on three different occasions she has caught Lincoln's ghost behind her say "You go girl!" while she was watching Oprah.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Polar Bears To Be Tranquilized, Shaved
Latest Warning: Global temperature could rise 9.5 Degrees in only 60 more years as nudist colony schedule the selling of lots outside of Fairbanks, Alaska.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Three Horses Given Community Service
Local horse-whisperer in Louisville, Kentucky arrested for winning over $5 Million illegally.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
ACORN Investigated?
President Barack Obama says there will be an investigation into the hidden-camera video involving employees at the activist group ACORN, by Operation: Squirrel!
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Then It's 110%
Obama: Health insurance mandate no tax increase until grandchildren come along in 2040.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Jordan's breasts
Jordan has renamed her cleavage. Henceforth it will be known as Silicon Valley
written by Everyman, 20 September 2009
Carter Blackballed
According to Democrat Hindquarters, former president Jimmy Carter no longer speaks on their bighalf.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Bush Crashes Hog
Former President George Bush injured while riding bush hog, also being checked out for the Swine Flu.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Putin happy? Yuck It Up!
Russia agrees to human clowning. "Just as long as it's on a day when Putin not on the rag", says President Medvedev
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Hitmen On Strike
New York police say that the body of Marco Scarface was pulled from the East River this morning, the last one expected before the big hitman walkout over 50% of the intake.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Boxers Split
After a complete split in scoring at middle-weight Saturday night, both boxers to file briefs Monday morning.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Same Result In Pakistan
A production of The Vagina Monologues in Afghanistan turns out to be a complete bomb on it's opening night!
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Watch Monday's Market
Investors anxious for stock market to open Monday after General Motors/Tonka Toys merger announced over the weekend.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Lopez Corrects Leno
Jennifer Lopez stated once again yesterday that she is tired of magazines & Leno saying she has a big ass. "It only appears that way because the rest of me is so slim."
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Britney Explains THE Photo
Britney states she was wearing underwear on the day of the famous photo shot. They were her special one's with the photograph of Willie Nelson on the front.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Crawl Off In A Corner Somewhere
Home Office staff were warned not to eat in front of their fasting Muslim colleagues during Ramadan, in case it made them feel hungry, or drink in front of alcoholics, sweets before diabetics.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Two Different Rats
Can you really use lab rats to predict human behavior when the creatures have no concept of tomorrow? Yes, say those running up $13 Trillion US debt!
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
German Ships Set Record
Two German ships have become first Western commercial vessels to navigate the Northeast Passage, a shipping route from Asia to Europe around the Russian Arctic as Al Gore blasts Trailblazer's heat.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Night Time The Right Time
If Ramadan requires abstinence by day, many Muslims in Egypt are in festive mood by night. "I gained ten pounds during the fast last year", confesses one.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Less We Forget
US warns that the country it first invaded six years ago should not be forgotten. Starts with an "I" but it's not India.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
They Have Been Warned
Eight more cases of farm E.coli reported as Brits told never to plant another E.coli farm in the future.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
"Hello, Boy & Girls, Pluto!"
Explorer David Hempleman-Adams has broken the endurance record for a flight using the smallest man-carrying helium balloon. Accepts the award in high cartoon-like voice.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Assisted Suicide Guidance
New guidance on assisted suicide. No one who will inherit from victim are allowed to help put them down. "That would be barbaric", states well-dressed young son.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Huge Concert In Havana
Havana is preparing for the biggest open air concert since the 1959 revolution, with long line of over 10,000 1962 volkswagens rolling into town.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Darn Tootin, We've Caved To Putin!
US Defence Secretary Robert Gates has rejected the claim that a decision to shelve a plan for missile defence in Europe was a concession to Russia and their greatest of all world leaders, Putin".
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Obama In Middle East Talks
President Barack Obama will meet Israeli and Palestinian leaders on Tuesday to try to relaunch peace talks. Plans to take new ideas, shoe shield.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Tie For iPod
Shirtmaker designs tie for your iPod, baby doll pajamas for your cell phone. Is a top hat for your debit card next?
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
NC Swayze Memorial
North Carolina 'Dirty Dancing' town, which banned Patrick Swayze for life, plans Swayze memorial.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Flu Vacine Ready
CDC: First swine flu vaccines may be nasal spray. To apply, turn nose up and squeal.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Asian Leaders Come Forward
At summit, Asian leaders to press for greater role. "We're tired of walk-ons, character parts" states one leader.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Thought You Tore That Up?
Matching mullets, regrettable tattoos, metal mouths, grandpa taking a whiz, hunter showing off prized kill of endangered species & goofy grins leave old family scrapbooks & jump onto facebook.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Be Sure To Listen
Obama rolling into week of high diplomatic stakes. To make nightly speech on all TV, radio, short-wave and in vans touring the streets with loudspeakers.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Taliban Leader Dies
Captured Pakistan Taliban commander dies in jail. Officials say he apparently smothered himself to death with a pillow.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
He Lopks Relieved
Iran's Khamenei signals easing in election tension or it could simply be the build up of gas, say political opponents.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
At Discount Prices
Chicago mobster Al Capone's Wisconsin hideout, Osama Bin Laden' Old Cave for sale.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Who Cares?
Cursive writing, reading classics, being serious about social skills may be fading skills, but so what?
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Back To Page One
Obama, Netanyahu, Abbas to meet amid tensions and enjoy a beer, staring contest.
written by Bureau, 20 September 2009
Indian Tycoon To Buy Renault F1 Racing Team
Austin Westminster to return to Grand Prix start grids.
written by Blazing Saddle, 20 September 2009
New Rub-On Viagra Developed
Women resigned to clumsy foreplay as mens' fingers are too stiff.
written by Blazing Saddle, 20 September 2009
