President Misquoted, Apologizes
President Barack Obama Apologizes for misquoting President Bush's misquote in his 60th speech to Americans last week.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
It's Pretty Close
Serena Williams, Kayce West and Joe Wilson get into fight over who had the worst week last week.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
This Is The Wrong Headgear
The Vatican has fired a dozen members of the Swiss Guard after huge Pimpmobile/Popemobile mix-up!
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
No Hokey Pokey Either
Aging Hugh Hefner admits he hasn't done the Bunny Hop in over twenty years.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
The Obama Intelligence Panel
Special White House appointed intelligence panel report that they haven't had any luck yet but we'll think of something.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
The Three Muskateers
Kayne West, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson seen drunk at a Manhattan bar exchanging some pretty wild jokes!
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Something To Turn Off
The Terrorist Network, K-Boom! has announced it's fall schedule with a lot of Bin Laden threats, Taliban beatings and Adminejad "There Was No Holocaust" reruns.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Gers give Gazza lifeline
Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne flew into Glasgow yesterday in an attempt to resurrect his wretched career. Gazza has had his dazzling bright Orange suit dry cleaned, been practicing his flute and marches!
written by iscrivener, 19 September 2009
New Group Formed
Friends say there may be plans for the forming a new Peter, Paul and Ringo group. "Get ready to Hootnanny!", says manager, Wavy Gravy.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
50 Years! I've Heard Enough!
Deaf and dumb man who chose to represent himself in Texas court didn't count on the judge hatred of mimes!
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
The Wheel Changes
In order to cut production costs, a black crow uses a coat hanger it has reshaped to turn letters and replaces Vanna White on The Wheel of Fortune.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Then You Jump In The Pond
Another teen hurt while Amish Skiing where kids on flat boards grab the tail of a cow and take off skiing across the muck.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Knew It Even Back Then
Old guy at nursing home states that he knew that his friend, Georgie, was gay. "He used to go around the neighborhood yelling, 'Ass Cream! Ass Cream for sale!'"
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Bass-Ackwards As Usual
In a new report from Science Magazine, it states that the seas are not rising, the land is sinking, from carrying the weight of people like Al Gore and Michael Moore.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Leg amputees complain of discrimination.
Walking impaired people complain that shoe manufacturers are using unfair tacticss in only selling pairs of shoes which is a blatant discrimitory act.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
Deaf and dumb protests.
Deaf and dumb association members accuses government of not listening to their grievances.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
Big lawsite looming.
Coca Cola coeporation are to sue a major Columbian drugs cartel for trade mark infringment.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
Michael Jackson Dead?
"My good friend Michael is definately not dead just in hiding because he's fed up with the pressure of being a superstar. Me and Elvis had dinner with him only last night" said John Lennon.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
Make That Horny Whale Noise Again
Hungry people on island in pacific have stranded whale, five members of Greenpeace for dinner.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Pelosi: That's Enough From You!
Rush Limbaugh thrown out on his massive ass after sneezing during President Obama's speech Saturday night.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Leno Causes Confusion!
Twelve million older Americans reset their clocks from Daylight Saving Time after Leno goes off.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Kayne Welcomed By Peckerheads
The National Peckerheads of America would like to welcome Kayne West to it's roster of famous & near-famous Peckerheads.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Gay marriage to be made legal in Dallas
Gay marriages will be legalized in Dallas from 1st of next month. Gay John Howes says he can't wait to take his partner Gary up the aisle.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
Not for us say pigs.
Swine flu vaccine injections refused by pigs.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
Cambodia lightning kills 341
Unions in Cambodia are complaining that lightning is killing too many rice farmers. Strikes likely.
written by Locket, 19 September 2009
New Bench Game
New sport started that anyone can play as old guys on park benches develop own rules to "Who Spots The Biggest Ass!"
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Carter Still After Wilson
Jimmy Carter likens Joe Wilson to those who supported slavery, Opposed the U.S. Constitution and kissed Hitler's a s s (spelled it).
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Enterprising Prostitute
An enterprising prostitute in Vegas has came up with a sign, "You must be this long to enter here". Guys try to impress their buddies by asking them to stop. Then she gets paid double for his lying.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Kinda Like In Football
Jennifer Lopez told a popular fanzine today that her ass is not big and their story was a bum rap!
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Report Finished, New 10-Year One Begins
Final Congressional Report: Saddam Hussein had no ties to al- Qaeda! Will next begin checking into that Weapons of Mass Destruction thing. Then ties to The Taliban.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Carter To Have Chip Removed
Former President Jimmy Carter in hospital to remove chip from shoulder. "I really tried to talk Iran to let our hostages lose." he keeps mumbling.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Earthquake Shakes Bali
An earthquake off the Indonesian holiday island of Bali has sent people running from their homes in panic. "Bali, bali bad", states local man.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Tests Prove Islamist Militant Dead
DNA and the old mirror in front of mouth tests have proven beyond doubt that Indonesia's most-wanted Islamist militant Noordin Mohamed Top is dead, police say.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Sci-Fi, Bank Swindles Protested
Nigeria's government is asking cinemas to stop showing a science fiction film, District Nine plus sending messages that people have $100,000 in bank there. It says it denigrates the country's image.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Thailand Rocked
Thailand rocked by rival protests. Some 20,000 rocks were estimated to have been thrown.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
No Race Discrimination
President Barack Obama has said that some Americans may oppose him because of race, but that this has not been the main factor behind healthcare protests. Then tells feet to do their stuff.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Can You Understand This?
States send mixed message on texting and driving because of texting while trying to drive.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Smaller, More Effecient T.Rex Found
Early, smaller version of T. rex discovered. Experts say dinosaurs were probably trying to cut back because of the environment.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Especially In Germany During Octoberfest
President Obama: G-20 summit good time to assess economy, effect of beer conferences.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Motorcycle Nightmare
Oregon Police say more 30 motorcycles, most of them belonging to the Brother Speed motorcycle club, crashed on Interstate 5 on Friday afternoon after leader's mustache gets tangles in handlebars.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
What A Game!
No. 10 Boise St wins 251-194 in a real offensive shootout over Fresno State. Both teams players exhausted. Three referees hospitalized. Crowds lose voices.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Fading Skills
Cursive may be a fading skill, but so what? So is pitching horseshoes, doing the Hokey Pokey.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
We're All Good As Dead
Republicans maintain that Obama attempt to overhaul health system will lead to government-run health care that causes delays in treatment, threatening your health, insanity, plague & painful deaths.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Denture Cream Causing Problems
Overuse of denture cream with zinc sparks lawsuits over people snapping at each other, biting of tongues, especially in Washington DC area.
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
I Guess You Could Say That
A criminally insane killer from eastern Washington is on the run after escaping during a field trip to the county fair that his mental hospital organized as officials say "something went wrong".
written by Bureau, 19 September 2009
Painful arse
Cyclists you can Avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.
written by Mary Hinge, 19 September 2009
Always loosing stuff..... read on.
Avoid losing your house keys during the day by simply leaving them in the door as you leave the house in the morning.
written by Mary Hinge, 19 September 2009
Brass Monkeys
Nudists you can keep testicles cosy and warm during cold snaps by popping your scrotum into a "string vest" made from one of those net bags you get with washing tablets.
written by Mary Hinge, 19 September 2009
Spectacle wearers
spectacle wearers. Pre-pare for any forthcoming conflict by putting crosses of masking tape across the lenses of your glasses.
written by Mary Hinge, 19 September 2009
Sir Elton Buys AC Milan: Wants To Change Name To AC/DC Milan
Sir Elton John is to become new owner of AC Milan football club. The singer says his first move will be to change the club's name to AC/DC Milan.
written by Dingwall Johnson, 19 September 2009
Study Debunks Email Myth
The results of a 5 yr. $110 million Federal grant show an email from NYC to LA does not arrive 3 hours later. It actually arrives 3 hours EARLIER. "We suspected it, now we know," said a researcher."
written by tlmedia, 19 September 2009
Tortoise Crosses M25 Safely!
A tortoise has crossed all 5 lanes of the M25 and survived. He was caught on CCTV moving considerably faster than any other vehicles on the motorway. Police are considering charging him for speeding.
written by IN SEINE, 19 September 2009
Where's My Coffee
The Wall Street Journal reports, Starbucks to open 4000 new stores. Blessed are the coffee makers, as they have gone forth and multiplied!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 September 2009
Save the Planet
A new book advises that by not having children we can save mother Earth. Save mother Earth for whom?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 September 2009
Point of View
Liberal political pundits on TV think free speech means only their opinions count. But, these liberal pundits keep getting FOXed!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 19 September 2009
Obama - Time Life Interview - Honeymoon Over!
Re: Time Life Magazine Obama interview 19/09/09.
Quote: ..."and after seeing what has gone on in Area 51, I now know I am not the most powerful living being on our planet - God help us all!"
written by iscrivener, 19 September 2009
