NASCAR Going North
Promoters for NASCAR say that they have bought off enough DC politicians to begin building their new race track early next year at Yellowstone Park. Buffalo, snowmobile riders will be moved to Duluth.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Beer The Best
A new report out says that drinking tea better for you than drinking only water. Coffee actually better for you than tea! And, man, let me tell you about BEER!
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Chimps Make Great Teachers
Researchers in Rochester, New York stated today that chimps make great little teachers. One then demonstrated the fact by catching the other right in the mouth with a handful of shit.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Al Gore, Mr. Happy Himself
Al Gore, in a speech in Clarksville, Tennessee today stated that if the volcano under Yellowstone Park ever blew, all life on earth would be wiped out. Then Mr. Happy went home to Nashville.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Pecker Shorted Out
George Bush had some sweet revenge Sunday about all the night time jokes about him leaving his mike on while in the toilet, as VP Joe Biden at least put it in his pocket, then shorted out his pecker!
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Meow!!!
After CBS was caught red-handed using photoshop to make Katie Couric look thinner a couple years ago, Diane Sawyer -soon to anchor ABC News -said today "Too bad they couldn't help her appear smarter."
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Class Assignment
President Obama admits he asked school kids last week to write a positive report on why I haven't brought our soldiers home yet.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Hold The Mao
With the average age of a person from China being in their twenties, most have heard more about Yao than about Mao.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Price of hillbilly heroin out of reach for most hillbillies.
The price of hillbilly heroin has become too expensive for most hillbillies. According to a DEA report using the latest census data, only 1 of every 19,583 hillbillies can afford the drug.
written by anchochilly, 13 September 2009
Tea Baggers to change their moniker to the "Golden Showers"
Sensing a disconnect with the American public, Tea Party activists will no longer refer to themselves as "tea baggers" and will instead refer to themselves as "golden showers."
written by anchochilly, 13 September 2009
Thug Busters!
Father shows off device he dug up in back garden, unaware it's an unexploded anti-tank grenade. Then gets robbed by three late young thugs. No charges yet.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
By Banned From Sailing Toy Boat
Security guards ban boy, 9, from sailing toy boat on pond because it 'frightens the fish and couples going at it in the bushes nearby.'
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Post Managers On Street
Your post is in the gutter: Strike-hit Post Office managers sort mail on the pavement. Letters made into paper airplanes and sailed to your door entrance.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Two-In-Oners
Two-in-one op joy for women: Unwanted fat can be used as 'natural' breast implants, double chins can be lowered to provide 'natural' breast implants. Huge ass can be lifted, and shifted, etc.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
No-Armed Bandit
Teenager with no arms leads police on high-speed chase as getaway driver in jewelery heist. John Smith was arrested for unarmed robbery.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Judge Commends Rapist
Rapist praised by judge for converting to Islam. "Muslims have such a reputation for treating women as equals."
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
No Power Cuts for the UK
"There will be NO Power cuts in the next decade", so says Energy secretary Ed Milliband. In politicalspeak, this means that there WILL be Power cuts on the proviso that there will be any power to cut.
written by IN SEINE, 13 September 2009
Follow The Yellow-Brick Road
Police search of Bernie Madoff's penthouse apartment finds billions of dollars in gold disguised as bricks in fake fireplace, old-fashioned walkway in back yard of another one of his houses.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
The 20,000 Leagues Below Club
Three more naked couples kicked out of Disney's 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. "I'd like to know who started that stupid '20,000 Leagues Below Club' anyway", states guard supervisor.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
WV Spokesman: They're From Ugly Ancester We Ran Off
Newest DNA study reveals many, but not most, West Virginians are cousins not only to each other but to most of our leaders in Washington!
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Obama tells the TRUTH at last!
Obama reveals to the world the TRUTH behind his presidential election success! It was not his boring political rhetoric but his "MASSIVE BLACK CORKSCREW" and he did have sex with those women!!
written by unknown
Skinny Posh Spice wears Kinky boots and falls over!
Very Non-Spicy, but very skinny Posh Becks shocks Africa by revealing not only do the wretched and the poor suffer from malnutrition, rich, pea-brained bitches also do!
written by unknown
Obama Confronted By Jefferson?
Barack Obama faces considerable opposition to his plans for healthcare reform, not least from a man in Las Vegas, who is recruiting Thomas Jefferson from his DNA.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Another Rough Trip
Waves as high as hills, sea sickness, hot sun, snow and ice, a 68ft ocean-racing yacht crammed with an amateur crew is almost as bad as their last cruise on QE2, say those aboard.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Spoof readers love The Times and hate The Sun!
A new survey has revealed The Spoof is now a serious, satirical site, Tabloid bullshit and scandals are tabu! Only serious Spoofs over a thousand words welcome, thanks to our US long-winded-bags!
written by unknown
Queen Mother's Doctored Letter Released
Buckingham Palace has released the text of a letter written by the Queen Mother in the aftermath of a Second World War bombing attack on Buckingham Palace: ****Hitler***!! Ass**** on a pole****!!
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Still A Little Fragile
Britain is on the road towards recovery but things remain fragile according to Prime Minister Gordon Brown, as his right leg falls off.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
World's Longest Piece Of Music
The world's longest piece of music is being performed live for the first time on a unique 20-metre-wide instrument at a concert at The Roundhouse in London, attended by five people.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Sick Oil Slick
Environmentalists have warned that an oil slick caused by an accident on a rig in the Timor Sea is threatening wildlife and surfers in Australian waters.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Big Archaeologist Find
Archaeologists announced they have found a 2,000-year-old depiction of a menorah, Larry King.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Where's O'Neal?
Millions of purchaser of the book, "The Shack" disappointed that it's not about pro basketball!
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Kinky Looks On The Bright Side
Kinky Friedman says global warming not all bad. "One most of Alaska melts, Texas will be the largest state once again."
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Ex-Blagojevich Adviser Dies
Ex-Blagojevich adviser dies before prison term as Blagojevich wig seen scurrying from premises.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Bizarre US Open
Bizarre ending to Serena's title defense at Open as UFO drops down and hauls away Williams who lost by default.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Freedom Fighters Rally
Tens of thousands of protesters fed up with government spending marched to the U.S. Capitol on Saturday, showing their disdain for the president's health care plan by yelling "You Lie!" rallying cry!
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Students Purcashing Education
In US, some students buy, not try, to excel at school by purchasing term papers on google, teacher payola scheme.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
A Call for Reinforcements
Jay Leno ditched desk for new show, opting for "conversation area" with two light-duty chairs. One of them to be beefed up and bolted down for Tom Cruise's special guest appearance Tuesday.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 September 2009
Pigs Fly in France
In wake of swine flu, teachers in France implore children to forego traditional cheek-to-cheek kiss (known as "la bise") used as greeting. What's next? No more wine in school cafeterias?
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 September 2009
Obama Reverses Bush Decision
Reversing still another one of the George Bush decisions, President Obama told Laura that she didn't have to be on top every single time.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Old Man Arrested For Kicking Youths
Local grandfather, who always keeps his Halloween rubbers to stamp out the sacks of burning dog shit on his porch, fines he's been preempted and his rubbers are filled with dog shit.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Levitra Patch
The new Levitra patch not only works well for a whole weekend, when wore under a condom, also serves as a tickler.
written by Bureau, 13 September 2009
Health Care Reform Drug Testing
A proposed amendment to the Senate Health Care Reform bill mandates that all new drugs and medicines, approved by the FDA, first be tested on the 535 members of Congress and their aides.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 September 2009
