Giant Asteroid Wipes Out Entire Planet

Funny story written by DancingJester

Friday, 5 August 2005

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The Planet In Question

We are standing in amongst the wreckage of a once fertile and thriving planet. Our sources inform us this planet was once home to billions of sentient beings, countless species of lower life forms and plants, as well as a multitude of ethereal spirit beings, gods and minor deities, but no more. At approximately 20:00 on the 23rd October 2003 a giant piece of space debris with an estimated diameter of about 5 kms crashed through the atmosphere and slammed into the surface of this once fine planet. The asteroid, travelling at an estimated 50 meters a second, would have taken about 10 minutes from the time it would have been visible to the naked eye to the moment of impact, and would have released the energy equivalent of 20 times the Earths nuclear stockpile.

Talking to an eye witness to the event, Mr. Death, we have learnt the sequence of events following the impact. A wave of force would have bounced from one end of the planet to the other destroying buildings, communication systems and ear drums. This would have been swiftly followed by a tidal wave, which would have ‘done for the rest'. Dust and debris still circulate the atmosphere shrouding this ruined planet in eternal damnedable darkness.

Mr Death in conversation with his colleagues, Mr. Pestilence, Mr. War (esq.) and Mr. Famine was heard to remark that it was all quite apocalyptic, but not ‘the way I would have done it'. Mr. War (esq.) was said to be quite irked by the entire event as their was no large scale outbreak of violence due to the speed of events, when asked to comment he stated ‘The man upstairs will be hearing from my lawyer, damn it we had a contract you b*st*rd'. Mr. War (esq.) was then lead away for a nice cup of tea and a bit of a sit down by Mr. Famine and Mr. Pestilence. An unconfirmed rumour has been circulating that after this event the Four Horseman(inc) have been thinking of moving into the lucrative world of children's book, at time of press the rumours cannot be verified.

God was unavailable for comment, but has been reported as saying ‘Well obviously I'm quite pleased with the result, that lot were starting to get right up my nose and know I'm free to concentrate on burning bush routine which frankly could use some work.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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