Written by Smeared Inc.

Monday, 25 July 2005

image for Cooking with Rice
Cooking with Rice - Bookish Tour

Condi is scouring the planet, looking for the latest new dish. For professionals only.

Middle East Ménage
1 tsp. crushed palestinian uprising
1 lb. Gaza cut into strips
1 gallon too little water
a pinch of dead sea salt
add additional salt and pepper into open wound
Lots of Rice
Boil Over until done
Enjoy with friends at the next reunion along with a few bad jokes.

Indi-Paki Fusion
1 lb. lead melted over an open fire
2 doz. imported howitzers
12 lbs fissionable U-235
Lots of Rice
reduce heat and simmer until glowing
A great dish
P.S. I always invite my North Korean friends for this one

North-South Stew
250,000 gallons extra virgin heating oil
500,000 lbs. processed food stuffs
A bit of plutonium, if you can find it (you may substitute uranium)
20,000 lbs rocket fuel
Lots of Rice
cook over an open flame while watching pictures of the Iraqi invasion
(Note: this dish must be cooked on the 38th parallel to be perfect)

Taiwan Hot-Pot
Add a small body of salt water to
160 lbs invective
12 Tbs remnants of communism
A dash of capitalism to taste (theirs not yours stupid)
1 lb greenbacks (or 8.3 lbs Renminbi)
Lots of Rice
Let stew for way too long, hopefully the North Koreans will attack first

Euro Cake Bake
Tomato sauce
Lots of Rice
Still tastes lousy to the American palette

English Tea Time
1 large subcontinent, split in two
Leaves, not grass
Steep until subservient
(requires no Rice)
Used to go well with Indi-Paki Fusion

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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