Recent Earthquakes in California Rattle US Prestige

Funny story written by Renob

Saturday, 18 June 2005

image for Recent Earthquakes in California Rattle US Prestige
The San Andreas Fault is believed to be the fault that will cause "The Big One"

Four significant quakes have struck California within a week and have caused fears abroad and even triggered a tsunami warning when a 7.1 magnitude struck 90 miles off the coast. Many citizens fear that the recent quakes would foreshadow "The Big One" which is capable of striking California with a 9.0, or even a 10.0, and send San Francisco to Los Angeles down in ruins. While many Californians fear for "The Big One", Congress has been worried whether the earthquake would damage US reputation abroad. In the event that "The Big One" would strike, it would force the US government to go to the UN and plead for help, something that has never been done, ever. President Bush fears that America would end up on the receiving end, financially and metaphorically as respect for the US keeps declining exponentially around the world.

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld reportedly said that he would rather "go to Dr. Phil for help" rather than the UN. The thought that America asking for help from any nation was considered by many in Congress to be "downright ludicrous" as many Americans believe that their country is number one and nothing, not even the force of nature, can topple US supremacy.

While many panicky citizens of California begin making their survival kits, Congress has agreed to give the state of California 800 trillion dollars to cover the financial losses if a massive earthquake strikes the Golden State. Democrats, however, claim that there is "no way in hell" that the US was able to pull that much money "out of their asses" as the nation is already in debt.

When Governor Schwarzenegger was asked about how he would react in the event that a major earthquake strikes his state, he responded with, "No silly little earthquake will ve able to stop me, I am ze terminator, I've vought many things, and I vill vight ze Big One." When reporters told the governator that The Big One was not a cyborg, he responded with, "Oh, vell, ze only Big One I vill ever veel in my life will be ze time I ate zis really big sandwich and ze toilet was broken after I clogged it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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