Palaxo-Kime announces new more accurate blood pressure cuff

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Thursday, 27 January 2011

image for Palaxo-Kime announces new more accurate blood pressure cuff
Note the reddish area where the T-cuff was applied

Paris, France - Dr. Tod S. Quishit of the Swiss Palaxo-Kime pharmaceutical company made a stunning announcement at the annual Paris Hypertension conference yesterday.

Palaxo-Kime has just published a study showing that current blood pressure cuff technology is woefully inadequate, and that the new, T-cuff, produced by Palaxo-Kime, will be required for accurate readings of blood pressure going forward.

"Currently, finger cuffs, wrist cuffs, and upper-arm cuffs are in use today. These cuffs differ in accuracy. The finger cuffs are the least accurate, the wrist cuffs more accurate, and the upper-arm cuffs most accurate.", Dr. Quishit announced to the large group of reporters gathered outside the conference yesterday.

Dr. Quishit explained how the new cuff works, "These methods try to estimate the blood pressure in the heart, but the further away they are, the less accurate they are, due to hardening of arteries, poor circulation, and other factors. The T-cuff suffers from none of these drawbacks, since it is strapped around the torso, at heart level. The main aorta artery is squeezed until blood flow stops, then pressure is slowly released until blood flow resumes. This gives us the most accurate readings of blood pressure possible."

Dr. Quishit also explained that an automatic device, for home use, is available. The automatic feature is required, since most people actually loose consciousness for a few seconds when blood stops flowing from the Aorta.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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