Funeral for a friend. - The once mighty social networking giant, Myspace, died yesterday afternoon after a long, hard-fought battle with Zuckerberginoma, a common form of web cancer caused by the Facebook virus. It was 7.
Launched in the summer of 2003, Myspace was the first social networking site to amass a large and devoted following of people with narcissistic personality disorder. Founded by Brad Greenspan, Chris DeWolfe, Josh Berman, and Tom Anderson, Myspace mimicked many of the most popular features on Friendster, but quickly took over the rival site in number of users. With its patented Create Really Awesome Profiles Yourself (C.R.A.P.Y.) design features, it appealed to teenagers, pornstars and those who wanted to be pornstars, as well as bands with zero talent who could showcase their so-called music.
In 2005, Myspace was purchased by News Corporation for $580 million dollars and continued its dominance until 2008, when it first learned it had the Facebook virus. Seeking out both conventional and alternative treatments for the disease, Myspace tried everything, including a controversial new logo design that unfortunately failed to slow down the cancer's progression. In 2011, it passed away peacefully surrounded by 60+ million friends.
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An online memorial service will be broadcast on YouTube where users can share their memories, moods, incriminating pictures, and grammatical errors. A final Myspace party will be held afterwards at Benji's house, while his parents are away on vacation.
In lieu of flowers, former employees request that you send donations to Find the Facebook Cure. Grief counseling will also be made available by logging on to The Web 2.0 Suicide Machine, wherein former users will be encouraged to just kill their virtual selves.