Tampons Used to Control Asian Carp Population

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

image for Tampons Used to Control Asian Carp Population
With Tampon Removed

Still arguing with the US Supreme Court over the control of migrating Asian Carp by closure of the Chicago locks, the States of Wisconsin, Indiana and Michigan have engaged in their own nuisance control program, aided by the use of the common tampon.

Discovered accidentally by a woman while fishing with her husband in Louisiana, an errant cotton tampon had fallen out of her purse into the water and then snatched by carp within seconds. The tampon immediately expanded after consumption and the dead fish, complete with exploded jaw was seen floating on the surface a minute later.

"Seems they will eat just about anything", says fisherman Andy Stringum. "You could toss Styrofoam peanuts on the top of the water and they'll leap into the air to grab one. Hell, I don't need a pole anymore, I just catch 'em in the air with a net".

The feeding anomaly mixed with the tampon accident gave DNR officials a pest control idea for Lake Michigan. Tested on some unfrozen water near the southern tip of the lake, tampons were cast around the DNR boat, while the carp literally fought over them seconds later. "There was a slight delay, then hundreds floated to the surface dead as, well, dead fish", said articulate DNR ranger Willy Smegma. "They're kinda dumb as fish go, but they're pretty good eatin' though".

In a related story, Tampax company stock rose sharply as a new partnership was announced with fishing tackle supply giant Rapala. The new Asian Carp bait lines supplied by Tampax will consist of full size cotton fish bait, with longer strings attached to make retrieval from the water easier.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more