Washington AC/DC - (Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls): Miniscule pollen traces on Barack Obama's birth certificate have been identified as Alaskan Matanuska Thunderfuck strains.
The discovery flames an already bitter Birthers' argument that the plant material hails from from the respected Hawaiian Five-Oh! genus.
Using cutting hedge technology the UK National Poisons boffins' find places Obama's nativity on board an ExxonMobil tanker hold in Alaska's oil-rich Proud Ho Bay area.
"Guess they'll just have to rewrite the entire American Messiah codex," Prof V Smart told a presidential genome conference today.
White House sources have vehemently denied that the President's birth-mother, Mary Jo Kopechne, hid out in the Exxon-Mobil carrier to evade naming her babyfather the Reverend Jesse Jackson.
"Uh, we think it was a BP tanker, the MV BigAssOil," a sheepish aide chuckled quietly.
