London - (Emperor's New Clothing Co): A UK department store is wooing the minds and arses of millions of otherwise rational women with its cellulite-busting tights and leggings.
The $25-a-pop 'wonder yarn' hose have apparently been embedded with bio-crystals that emit infra-red rays when in contact with the skin, manufacturers proudly claim.
This melts the flab, lifts a saggy butt and gives forty-something lardarses the posterior of an eighteen year-old gymnast.
"Wonder yarn? More like shaggy dog story," the editor of Cellulite Wind-up News said today as hundreds of thousands of the hoax tights continued flying off John Loo Is shelves.
One born every minute.
