Oprah Recommended Bio-Identicals May Be Snake Oil

Funny story written by Wire Piddle

Monday, 22 June 2009

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Santa Barbara, Ca - Bioidentical estrogen, or 'Bioidenticals' have seen an uptick in popularity now that they have been given the green light by celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey and Suzanne Somers. But do they really work, and what are the side effects? We took these questions and more to researchers at the Snake Oil and Other Claims Institute.

Said research biologist, Dr. Siegried Von Tripp, "We are finding these chemicals being used as face creams by middle age women. It may only be anecdotal but we think that these creams are potentially dangerous; women are becoming shallow, emotional and high strung after using the creams and we think there is a direct link between this behavior and the use of these bioidentical enhanced creams. Quite frankly the things are mood altering drugs and their claims of restoring youth are highly preposterous."

The researchers have come into direct conflict with the many certified medical practioners who are marketing these creams. Dr. Orman Shiff, director of the San Luis Obispo Naturist Clinic, states "Oh I wish these people would just go away. If there's a difference that these women perceive in their outlook on life then we are achieving something positive. Besides, I've got three kids, a wife, two dogs and a mortgage to pay."

As long as the money keeps rolling in and no one is losing limbs, people should stop bothering him and his patients, Dr. Shiff believed. "This is America. Deal with it."

In response to Dr. Shiff's position, Dr. Von Tripp said in resignation, "Fine. But if your patients limbs start falling off, their hair starts falling out and the skin starts peeling from their faces because of your nutbar unscientifically based assurances, then don't come crying to me. It won't be the first time I've been kicked down the proverbial doorstep of existence and it won't be the last. But I do have a job to do and I'm going to do it, so piss off."

As witnessed by this exchange, it is obvious that the debate still has a way to go before it begins to picks up intellectual steam.

Fortunately the two opposing groups will be coming together at the 4th annual convention of Bioidentical Estrogen Symposium to be held in September in Las Vegas. Serious ethical and legal issues are expected to be discussed in between Vegas dinner theater shows presented by female stage performers lauded for their shallow, emotional and high strung personalities.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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