The JPEPEM, the Journal of Pie eyed and Pie Eyedism has published studies showing that laboratory rats who are drinking mates of scientific researchers are in serious danger of losing their memory of mazes unless alcohol is the prize at the end of the race. In cases where the finish line has some Finnish vodka the rats can outrun Pavlov Nurmi's best times.
All studies are focused on young rats and their relevance to young Britons. When researchers were asked why the preference for the young boozers, Finnish researcher Ole Boozer told thespoof.korsakoff that most of the life long drinking rats and their human counterparts are way past are ability to help:
"We have eliminated the middle aged, the elderly, the Scots and of course the Irish rats. we only hope the young booze hounds of John Booze's Island can still make a change!"
