Gentleman thug Otis "tofty" Ferry floored Gary "vile disgraced, desperate, dung-eating, disease-ridden, pop-pervert" Glitter in a "bizzare" and "arousing" media demon street brawl.
Eye-witnesses were shocked to see "fox-fondling" Otis give the "desperate" pop pervert a "regal bunch of fives" outside the Kensington branch of Burger King.
"Bitch Slapped"
Onlookers cowered and ran for cover as the heinous hoity-toity huntsman "bitch slapped" and "dropped kicked" pop pervert Glitter.
"Media Demons"
One eyewitness stated " the two media demons" walked "brazenly" into the low budget cafe to get some "alleged " food. Our Blind eye witness said "One minute they were laughing and looking at the menu. The next thing I saw was..... yeah Glitter's wig he no longer wears flying off and he shouted 'come-on come-on' and the two miserable tabloid icons were rolling on the floor. Glitter being a pensioner got up to leave, but the toff followed him outside and slapped him like some sort of weak bitch".
"Brokeback Mountain Concern"
Our sightless eagle-eyed eye-witness added "perverted pensioner" Gary could not take the "upper-cut" that the "upper-crust" fox-fiddler Ferry gave him. He also angrily stated the pair did not resemble anything or anyone he had seen in the "Gay-man" Film "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN".
"The Only Facts In This Exclusive"
A source from the greasy meat outlet stated "there was a disagreement between the two friends about the choice of meal which turned very ugly very quickly".
"Irrelevant Comment From Non-Entity"
Josie Ramsgate a mother of none stated " I was livid at the rotten rancid pair of rogues. There were women, children and attractive people like me in Burger King that day, I could have got seriously splashed with stray food during the fight. I don't understand the mentality of people that would fight over something that wasn't me anyway. If it was up to me I would garot the pair with piano wire".
"Nutty Old Man Has Funny Things To Say"
Residents of the area have now sought legal action against the degenerate pair. A spokesman for Kensington Neighbourhood Watch was "red with rage" and "thoroughly miffed" when he heard. He added "We will do our best to ensure this sought of riff-raff doesn't enter our area again".
"Fair Comment and Invasion Of Privacy"
When we informed the Neighbourhood Watch Spokesman that Pockets-full- of- money Ferry infact lived in the flat above his own. He started shouting about the war, realising he was "not well in the head" we made our excuses and left. We came back five minutes later and pushed our camera through his letterbox taking 200 photographs of the nasty nosey nutter noncing around in the privacy of his own home.
"Pervert Pulverised"
Gary Glitter was thought to have needed two hundred stitches in his sinful bald head "full of" wicked paedo thoughts. Whilst "tofty twaty twitty fox-fondling' Ferry was thought to have needed a good hiding from his father Brian "Isle of White" Ferry twenty three years ago said a close friend of the family (Disclaimer: the close friend can legally be any tabloid journalist for editorial reasons).
"Hindley Wicked"
Fellow Media Demon Myra Hindley was not available for comment but an inside source at the cemetary where she has been lying in her own filthy coffin for eight years, told us "exclusively" that the "Beast of the Moors" was now a "lesbian" and had many "zombie" lovers, which also made her a nasty twisted necrophiliac as well.
OUR POLL TO SHOW WE CARE
Do the readers of the Spoof think Myra should be exhumed and made to answer for all the bad things in the world which are currently happening?...OR should we allow the monster Myra to rest in peace next to decent people who are kiddies and old war heroes who died fighting Myra's cousin Adolf Hitler in various Wars?(AT THE TAXPAYERS EXPENSE!).
YOU DECIDE........
So Far in the polls.....
100% Yes, please would you dig her up for us, all you kind newspaper people, we would be ever so grateful
10% Bring Back the Birch for Paedos
10% Bring Back the Birch for Young Offenders
Please note it is our legal obligation to alter this poll until your decision matches ours
