UK Tabloid Hack Writes "Real" Story And Collapses

Funny story written by Phil Edgar's Bones

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

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Journalists Enjoying The Sun Yesterday

In a sensational bizzare twist the "Daily Spoof" can reveal a UK tabloid Journo has actually "written" a real story.

The last time this phenomenon was witnessed in the UK dates back to 1901 when Queen Victoria popped her clogs. The headline at the time accurately stated "Queen Victoria Dies".

" Big Flippin' Lies"

True to the form of tabloids world-wide "falsehoods" and "porkies" appeared in the strapline of the same article. The "Top-hat" wearing Editor stated that the dying Queen had weakly muttered to him "Jack the Ripper's eaten me hamster". The Victorian tabloid editor also falsely "added" in his "hard-news exclusive" article that 'Queen Quickie-Vickie' had also taken part in a "three in the Hackney Carriage Steamy Fornication Romp" with Jolly Jack the Ripper and Sherlock "homosexual" Holmes".

"Death Bed Confession"

The yester-year tabloid Editor admitted on his death bed in 1978 he had "made-up big flippin lies" through-out his entire career to prevent his family going into the "work-house and meeting the "likes" of child gangster Oliver Twist".

"Big Flippin Liar"

The Editor of the "Daily Sun Mirrored World" yesterday said " I'm on top of the bleedin world, as I never fought I would witness anyfing as gud as this guvnor, in all me natural born days".

"Smacked in the Gob"

A source from the red top rag stated that "All the other journalists were gob-smacked at seeing real news written in a newspaper, we had heard of this phenomenon at muck raking journo college, but none of us expected to see it in our life-times, its all been a little crazy".

"British Women Who Have Had Kids Say Stuff"

Celebrity writer Vanessa Feltz expressed her elation and celebrity "talent-free" woman next door Davina MaCall expressed she wanted to sell us some cream, shampoo, hair dye, exercise videos, yoghurt for ladies who bloat in the guts and five of her fifteen children.

"Brave Goody has C-word in her C-word"

Heroic British Jade Goody when told the news blubbered " I've got cancer in me minge, so the papers aint too bad wiv me now cos I'm a 'eroin now".

"Honest Journalist Is Recommended For Knighthood"

The unknown hack is thought to have collapsed after writing the story which contained no exaggeration, bias, blatant lies and misrepresentation.

Bitter Tabloid Editor is God's Cousin

His Editor stated "the young man is bravely recovering in hospital, we all 'ope to have 'im back on the "News Desk" next week where he will be pickin' stories out of his arse-hole as usual !.... Of course we shall recommend him for a Knighthood in the New Years 'onours List and the Victory Cross for bravery"

"Pop Paedo Pig-Headed Pervie Piss-Soaked Pug-faced Pot-bellied Parasitic Putrid Puke-Inducing Disgraced Diseased Desperate Diabolic Vile Gary Glitter"

Pop Paedo pervert Gary Glitter was unavailable for comment yesterday so we can assume he has something to hide. Thankfully the editor of the "Daily Sun Mirrored World" informed us Mr Glitter real name "Rumplestilskin" is hiding on the moon spying on "lunar kiddies" at the British Taxpayer's expense!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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