Written by Ilona Ronay

Friday, 11 June 2004

A physician at a major teaching hospital in the Northeast has perfected a relatively simple procedure that allows a family of four to share one computer, one dial-up modem, and one e-mail address without a significant increase in heart rate, blood pressure, or gastroesophageal reflux.

This physician was troubled by a sudden sharp rise in hypertension in 75% of his patients and was deluged with calls for prescription heartburn medicine. "When I asked these patients if they had any new stressors in their lives, they all started screaming about being unable to get any time on the family computer," the doctor mused. "After doing this procedure, people don't want to spend more than 2 hours online in any 24-hour period."

During the surgery, a small, ridged potato chip is inserted into the portion of the cerebellum that requires non-stop access to e-mail. "The only side effect is that patients have to avoid sour cream," explained the physician. "Otherwise the chip flies right out of the head and into the bowl."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hospital, blood

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