Written by Phil Edgar's Bones

Sunday, 7 December 2008

image for Nana Mouskouri is a 'babe' say scientists
Nana is hot, but Christmas TV is snot, says man in the street!

Scientists from the Stan Butler University in Cockney Land, London. Have announced that seventies, Greek Songstress Nana Mouskouri is a hot mamma.

"In the past she was stigmatised as a, reet boiler" said Professor Nomoney Jones. "However she should not be confused with genuine bespectacled, mutt-ladies such as Olive from the Buses, or Janet Street- Porter".

"We air-brushed out her specs and showed her photograph to 2000 men, between the ages of 16 and 60. To our amazement they all said 'We would give her the benefit'. When we put the glasses back on her, one man physically vomited on his shoes. We believe her terrible glasses make her look like shit. Whip them off and Wow. She's Hot!".

"Not only would she benefit from a trip to Specsavers, she would also benefit from some hot-pants and peep-hole bra" said the randy academic.

Nana Mouskouri's thirty year old programmes are currently appearing on one of the BBC digital channels, as all their budget went to Jonathan Ross's wages.

An insider at the Beeb said " Programme planning meetings are now held in the BBC archives basement and we simply are told to find old programmes, tell the public it is some sort of tribute. When the truth be known this is all we can afford to do. I am dreading Christmas day. We are thinking.... how we can hypnotise the public, into believing we have spent their licence fee wisely."

Gerard McGarry
from London and a voice of the people said "Surely if I am watching programmes from 40 years ago, it should be reflected in the licence fee ? Shouldn't I be paying about two shillings or something like that? But what do I know my balls are tiny".

What do you think folks?

It doesn't matter anyway, as all your loot, goes to Jonathan Ross. But this is what you'll get"

Christmas Day Programming

9am 'The Two Ronnies 1972 Christmas Special'

10am Wallace and Grommit 'The Wrong Trousers'

11 am 'The The Little and Large Show 1977 Christmas Special'

12 noon 'Morecambe and Wise 1975 Christmas Special'

12-45pm 'Little Lena Zavoroni's Christmas Special' (starring a ten year old Bonnie Langford)

1-15pm 'Penny Crayon 1987 Christmas Special'

1-25pm Banana Man 1989 Christmas Special

1-45pm 'Tracy Beakers Special Christmas' (2001)

1-55pm 'The Demon Head Master meets S Club7' (1999)

2 pm 'The Keith Harris and Orville 1986 Christmas Special'

3pm 'The Goodlife 1977 Christmas Special'

4pm 'The Queens Speech 1976-1987 Christmas Special'

5pm 'The Generation Game with Larry Grayson 1981 Christmas Special'

6pm 'The Generation Game with Bruce Forsyth 1975 Christmas Special'

7pm 'The Generation Game with Jim Davidson 1996 Christmas Special'

8pm 'The Great Escape' Film (Premiere from 1969)

10pm An Evening with the Spinners 1980 Christmas Special.

11pm 'Dave Allen's wicked Christmas 1994 Special'

12(Midnight) 'French and Saunders' 1999 Christmas Special

1am 'Likely Lads Christmas Special' (1976)

2am 'Liverbirds Christmas Special' (1977)

3am 'Bread The Christmas Special' (1989)

4am 'Only Fools and Horses Christmas Specials (1981-1999)'

8am 'BBC News Bulletin from 2003'

8-30am 'Rowan and Martins 1967 Christmas Laugh-in'

9am 'A Christmas at Home with Liberace' (1961)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: TV, Science

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