Da Vinci Porn Revealed

Funny story written by winston_smith

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

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Professor Chadwick Wedgewood: "daVinci was a "Master" of his destiney"

Art detectives, working with thermal global imagery, have uncovered beneath layers of overpainting, a Leonardo da Vinci.

"I don't think this will be on general public display", said Art Heritage's Preservation Society spokesperson, Chadwick Wedgewood. "Some of the graphic imagery is...well, quite frankly too graphic."

The process involved in this high tech art pursuit involves 'seeing' beneath layers of paint. Similar to global satellites revealing topography not readily observed from the ground.

Professor Wedgewood further explained, "Any da Vinci discovered, in any form, is a priceless historical artifact. The fact that this portrays carnal acts of all varieties, from sado masochistic depictions, transvestite, bondage, bestiality, homosexuality, it is all very exciting, indeed, very exciting. The form, the presentation, the detailed anatomical study of say, a well endowed male, entering the rectum of another, a woman being satisfied by a dildo type device obviously invented by the master himself, all extremely, interesting on many levels."

Several layers of overpainting had to be 'seen through' to get to the master's work.

"The first layer, the one covering the original foremost, is currently an unknown substance. At that time, artists, particularly da Vinci, were experimenting with different viscosities, textures, elements of translucency, a sort of self experimentation. It was thick and syrupy. It was appears to have been applied directly, almost like a Jackson Pollack splattering. Very intriguing and further studies are needed."

There had been an original rumor that daVinci had painted heads, on these bodies in various acts, of many of the popular figures of that day. Sort of 'cut and paste' of the 15th and 16th century. Professor Wedgewood would neither confirm of deny.

"Until the full ramifications of intention, and scientific truth of such, it's purely speculation. I certainly have no intention as to stating to why I may know that Mona Lisa's famous 'orgasmic' smile came about from a double penetration or whether Michelangelo's alleged closet life is, well, outted. This could of been some wild fantasy in the mind of daVinci, the genius. Or, maybe buggering Michelangelo while dressed as the Pope actually happened."

Further revealing, as the process unfolds, are promised from the Society.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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