Billions of Dollars Wasted on Aurora Borealis

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Friday, 25 July 2008

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Truth behind the Aurora Borealis

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Associated Press posted a story about the Aurora Borealis and the new scientific instruments that they've placed in space to try to determine the cause.

NASA, through a fleet of five small satellites, called Themis, observed the beginning of a geomagnetic storm in February, while ground observatories in Canada and Alaska
recorded the brightening of the northern lights. The southern lights - Aurora Australis - also brightened and darted across the sky at the same time. This led scientists to believe that the cost and effort might finally be paying off.

Here is an excerpt from the article titled "Scientists expose mystery behind northern lights:"

A team led by University of California, Los Angeles, scientist Vassilis Angelopoulos confirmed that the observed storm about 80,000 miles from Earth was triggered by a phenomenon known as magnetic reconnection. Every so often, the Earth's magnetic field lines are stretched like rubber bands by solar energy, snap, are thrown back to Earth and reconnect, in effect creating a short circuit.

It's this stored-up energy that powers the northern and southern lights or, in other words, causes them to dance, according to Angelopoulos.

An opposing theory has these geomagnetic events occurring much closer to Earth, about one-sixth of the way to the moon. More Themis observations are needed to resolve the debate, said David Sibeck, NASA's project scientist.

"Finally, we have the right instruments in the right place at the right time, and it's allowed scientists to be able to make the necessary observations to settle this heated debate once and for all," said Nicola Fox, a Johns Hopkins University scientist who was not involved in the study.

Our scientific research team at saw that they still haven't come to a conclusion and sent investigators out into the field to further research this matter. The findings? Both theories are wrong. NASA has just wasted billions of dollars sending all those instruments out into space. We uncovered what REALLY causes the Aurora Borealis. The Aurora Borealis is caused by Dwarves living under the surface forging their swords. Their hammers striking the steel on the anvils causes a shift in the polarity of the metal, just like striking a screwdriver hard against something can magnetize or demagnetize it. Due to the massive number of swords that the underground Dwarves make, the shifts in magnetism affect the earth's magnetic balance and THAT'S what causes the Aurora Borealis.

NASA apologizes for the misunderstanding and the wasted dollars and effort.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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