Written by C. I. Jackson

Thursday, 13 March 2008

image for PC User Group Publishes New Guidelines
Tensions is common between users and tech support.

Washington DC -- The nation's leading personal computer user group recently published guidelines that are intended to aid the average computer-using employee interact better with their organizations' computer tech support departments.

The National Organization for Personal computer using Employees (NOPE) released the guidelines that for years were a set of unwritten rules in nearly every office across the country.

The purpose of the document is to make things easier for technical support personnel and to indulge what NOPE believes to be their true natures and desires.

"It's time we took these time-honored guidelines and published them so that every computer user can benefit," said NOPE chairman Albert Moore. "There have been episodes of friction between users and tech support in the past, and we're hoping this will remedy that."

"Well it certainly explains a lot," said an unnamed IT professional. "For years I thought it was some kind of conspiracy. I was right. Dear God in Heaven, I was right."

TheSpoof.com has been given permission to reproduce some of the most popular guidelines:

  • IT professionals always appreciate a challenge. When something goes wrong, never write down the text of error messages. In addition, always sum up the problem as "my computer won't work," or better yet "the thingy won't let me in."
  • Your friends in tech support have cell phones and PDAs for a reason, so don't hesitate to call them with your problems during evenings or weekends, even if it can wait until business hours. By that same token, feel free to bring your child's computer in to be fixed without first asking a tech support person if they can accomodate you. They exist only to serve.
  • IT professionals love feeling like cocktail waitresses. If you're having a problem, wait until you see someone from tech support walk by, then yell his or her name and snap your fingers.
  • When referring to your own inability to operate a computer, always say something like "I would have tried that, but I was afraid it would blow up" or "I don't even know where to find the power button." That joke never gets old no matter how often it is told, and even computer geeks appreciate humor.

The guidelines were made officially available to the public in late February.

In other news, studies indicate a recent spike in workplace violence.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Computers

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