Cape Canaveral, FL, U.S.A. - NASA scientists were alarmed today to discover that a deep space disturbance thought to be a black hole was actually nothing more than Jerry Springer's gaping mouth.
"At first we were wondering why all the life was being sucked out of the surrounding area." a spokesperson for the agency reported, "There seemed to be no end to the amount of space garbage this thing could consume."
Black holes, which may be described as negative matter, are normally associated with destroying stars. "In this case," a NASA scientist confirms "there were no stars, nor any other matter of significance to the Universe to be found." Still, the large, black, gaping hole seemed to suck in everything in its path, destroying life in an endless, painful fashion.
Mr. Springer, a firm believer in science, claimed that he had a Final Thought about what causes his mouth to attract such vast amounts of debris. He then quickly forgot what this thought was... but added "Take care of yourselves and each other."
It was a touching moment in science.
