NASA has announced that the Mars Rover Spirit has been towed and impounded by Martian officials for illegally parking overnight near a crater.
"We were surprised, to say the least," said Charles Elachi, Director of The Aeronautics and Space Administration's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, " We've tried to explain to the Martian authorities that we're from out of town and were unfamiliar with local traffic laws, but they seem pretty adamant that we pay the fine. We're working out rates of exchange now."
Until the fines are paid Spirit shall remain booted and impounded. NASA officials are worried that Spirit will be damaged while in storage. " You know, we've all heard the horror stories," Elachi explained, " antennas ripped off, paint scratched, CD players stolen. The Martian Parking Violations Bureau has assured us that Spirit will be safe, but that's what they said about Beagle and where is that? Gone, that's where; stolen for parts I'll bet."
President George Bush has latched onto the issue as a means to revive his flagging approval ratings. " The Martian people must understand that they are our friends, but it is the evil doers in the Martian Violations Bureau that we have a disagreement with. I have asked the United Nations to supply me with a mandate to attack and destroy the Martian Parking Violations Bureau (MPVB) and will send troops to Mars to occupy the Planet even if the UN says I can't, because let's face it, no one cares what the UN says."
Unnamed White House source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse said, " This might just be thing that we've been looking for to counteract Kerry. The mobilization for Mars will take twenty, thirty years at a minimum. We're banking on the fact that the American people won't want to change horses in midstream, especially in a time of interplanetary war, so that means that after George Bush, they'll elect Jeb, then Jenna, then her sister Barbara, let's see...that's a Bush in the White House for the next thirty years."
